From childhood up to college, I was as normie as could be. I can still distinctly remember slapping some guy's face because he dared to refer to some women as "bitches".
Shock! The horror! Yikerino, I gotta tell my pupper about this... Tyrone, hold my switch!
Yeah, I was low-key that kind of guy. But not to the point of actively pursuing gynocentrism (like male feminists). No, before I could get swept up into all that, I got my first exposure to Gamergate from the "anti-" side of things. However, a part of me wasn't convinced I was getting the full side of the story. Maybe it was because I was an avid player of expensive video games myself, but something pushed me to look into it some more. I wanted to look into a more neutral version of events. In the meanwhile, I was seeing personalities like Ken Ashcorp decry people (like Zoe Quinn), whom I was fed into believing were nothing more but innocent victims at the ends of the evil, misogynistic, right-wing terror group known as Gamergate, in Tumblr posts.
(Yeah, I also heavily used Tumblr back in the day, let's not talk about that aspect of my dark past.)
I was curious, and soon I was hooked. I was getting enamored with waves upon waves of corporate foul play, conspiracies, scamming, and, of course, I got my first taste of just how powerful of a tool self-victimization could be to weaponize others' misplaced pity.
This was the beginning of my descent into the red pill. Before then, I could've described myself as a liberal (not in the classical sense, but in the sense of being heavily left wing and thinking that anyone on the right was from another species). I probably would've also called myself a feminist, not because I bothered looking into what they were actually saying, but because I thought it would make me look good in most people's eyes.
It was only in my sophomore year of college that I began to learn so many new things, not from my college professors, but from different people and voices on the internet. I didn't just learn new facts and current events but also of principals and values. I learned about fallacies and argumentation. I learned about memes and in-group jokes. I learned about different political ideologies and frameworks. I learned about why it is things were the way they are. I learned to take what all sources of information, no matter how much they're propped up as "legitimate" in public perception, with a grain of salt. But most importantly, I learned that I'm still learning, and I can't possibly have all the answers to everything. And I also learned to distinguish good from bad, not based on one's view of the facts, but on what one chose to do with their own perception.
And after growing so much, I had just one thing on my mind:
"Gee, I'm sure I'll be able to get a GF now that I have such a stellar personality. I cracked the code. Women don't want actually a pansy male feminist. They want a physically and mentally strong manly man who can act tough and support them with wealth and resources. Time to hit the gym. Time to learn game. Time to hold frame and spin plates. Just have to graduate from college and get a well-paying job, and I'll be Chad in no time. Just have to wear the best-looking clothes. Looks like no one is interested. I'm not getting any matches on Tinder. That's okay. They'll come around eventually. I'm just going to play video games and watch videos from JBP telling me to clean my room and how the muslims are raping whamen in Europe and Make America Great Again and blah blah blah blah."
And so my journey from blue-pill cuckery to red-pill cuckery came to an end, and a year after graduating from college, my descent into the black-pill was soon to follow.
I was beginning to get sick of all the same "red-pill" content I would see from copy-and-paste channels that wanted to get in on the trend that only a few really successfully did for me. Some were just reaction video channels, while others went more in-depth on the news as well as in academia and theories. I was more interested in the latter. Others were right-wing and alt-right shills looking to cash in on the response to censorship and de-platforming by the proponents of the left-wing. Others were just very big-brained centrist know-it-alls and others had clear political alignments but were still able to inform their views by facts rather than by what was politically correct according to party lines.
Still, not a single one could explain to me why I was a sexless virgin at an age where I should've lost my V-Card by now thanks to things like the sexual revolution and Tinder.
To be clear, I'm a shy guy, so I haven't really pursued relationships to the degree that other men have. However, I've also had my fair share of rejections throughout my life to writing this post. I don't know if I can call myself a mentalcel but I do think that there are some things within my reasonable locus of control that I could've controlled to make sure I at least had a girlfriend in high school. However, with my height and face right now, I can confidently say it's over. But whatever...
Again, I got my first taste of the issue from the "anti-" side of things. However, it wasn't just the blue-pilled proponents thrashing on the term and all those associated with it. The people I come to listen to regularly also addressed the issue in rather negative terms.
Count Dankula: "Incels are communists."
Albeit, most of them were more sympathetic than their blue-pilled counterparts. They understood evolutionary psychology. They understood the difference between the natural and social, and how one informs the other, respectively. They understood.
However, they did not acknowledge just how important looks were in comparison to anything else (e.g. behavior). Through a lapse of critical judgment intermixed with wishful thinking (most of these men are married) and subconscious gynocentrism, they allowed PUA theory to infect the red pill. The only time they would consider looks an issue was when those looks were in one's reasonable locus of control (e.g gymaxxing).
Whereas the blue pill was,
"Just get a personality, sweetie."
"Just shower more, sweetie."
"Just be supportive, sweetie."
"Just be male feminist ally, sweetie."
"Just don't be a misogynist creep, sweetie."
the red pill was,
"Just go to the gym, bro."
"Just get a job, bro."
"Just hold frame and spin plates, bro."
"Just demonstrate how masculine you are to her, bro."
"Just don't be a virgin loser who lives in their parents' basement, bro."
To be fair, the red pill was truer than the blue pill when it came to securing a roastie.
If you have money, a desperate woman with plummetted SMV will definitely kiss up to you, even though she has no attraction to you because she can't help but compare you to all the Tinder Chads she screwed. You can also pay prostitutes for sex. When the goal is defeating one's celibacy, the red pill tends to be true. However, my foray into the black pill has allowed me to discover that "not getting sex" or "not having a GF" was not the main issue but merely a symptom of it.
But before I got into the black pill, I first had to find where all these incels, these supposed Elliot Rodger-worshipping scumbags were hiding, so that I could tell them the very obvious "fact" that it was because of their personalities that they were inkel and they should watch JBP and learn game and blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, I wasn't really going to do that. At this point, I was just as broken, so I went to incel communities looking for answers more than fights. Besides, I knew, to a certain degree before the black pill, that PUA was snake oil.
I found a lot of answers on Reddit from r/braincels. They pointed me to FaceandLMS and other content providers.
I absorbed the information. The greatest hurdle was when the information began to absorb me.
My mood plummetted. A lot of preconceived notions were challenged just like they were when I got into Gamergate. However, instead of the amazement that one would feel in uncovering an intertangled web of lies and conspiracy, I instead felt a form of depressive realism weighing upon my shoulders. Like other red-pillers, I knew the black pill, but I was so caught up in the idea of how incels were SJWs because of the self-pity and self-victimization stuff that was often associated with them, that, for a mere moment, I became this below 6 foot alpha with an, at best, average face sitting on a pedestal, overlooking all of these poor "right-wing SJWs" doing the exact same thing as the SJWs but in reverse. What a fool I was.
Incels were not victims of others, like SJWs constantly painted themselves as for victimbuxx, but of their circumstances. I also knew that accepting a fact didn't put one on the same level as people who acted on those facts. Just because I accepted the black pill did not mean I was going to be the next Elliot Rodgers or something. Just because I learned of a hierarchy of privilege, not based on economic value (i.e. the progressive stack), but on sexual value, didn't mean that I was going to start saying shit like "redistribute the means of reproduction" unironically.
The first thing I learned was to accept a truly unjust world. Not a world that was current unjust but could be fixed. No, I learned that there were some problems that, no matter what, could not be fixed, and those who weren't suffering from said problems or were able to delude themselves from acknowledging their own suffering simply preferred to sweep it all under a rug and pretend it didn't exist.
I did listen to men's rights and MGTOW. Before the black pill, I thought that the main reason for a lot of men committing suicide was because of how stacked the marriage system was in women's favor. After the black pill, I believe that the real primary reason is two-fold:
- A man is blue-pilled/red-pilled to the point where he judges his value based on how women perceive him, and when not a single woman perceives him as a potential romantic partner (e.g. friend-zone), he believes that the problem is because he's a horrible human being and decides to hang himself to spare society his horribleness.
- A man is black-pilled to the point where he sees no real point to life and decides to end it.
In other words, whether or not you accept the black pill, you'll either hang or delude yourself until you can't take it anymore.
This goes back to what I'm saying of the unjust world. You cannot win no matter what you do.
Another thing I realized was not only just how much men and women were different, but just how much of a zero-sum game romantic relationships really were. I began to see the horror behind ugly women getting picked up by better-looking men. I began to see just how damaging it was that there existed technology for women to post themselves in full view of the public and for desperate men to feed into their egos by sending positivity and money. I began to notice the signs and social cues that pervaded our interactions with one another (e.g. a short man suddenly acting submissively in the presence of a taller and more attractive man). I began to notice just how thirsty men were for a majority of women, but how dry women were for a majority of men.
It's like taking off the fancy interface of a machine to see all the confusing and gritty hardware underneath. I peeked into humanity's internal hardware and found the source of a multitude of complex issues to be due to almost entirely to one simple factor: sex.
That's probably the point at time when I realized that I could call myself an "incel".
I became even more jaded than I already was. Most things didn't really appeal to me anymore. Romance was dead. The care for my physical appearance died with my desire to "prove myself as a viable mate" to the opposite sex, when it was clear that nothing I did would make them interested until they needed me for resources.
I began looking into exercise, not to look good, but to feel good, and to not live up to that stereotype of fat incels who can't get laid because of laziness. I stopped caring about my fashion to such an autistic extent. I learned to better hide my true feelings and personality behind a facade of normalcy and professionalism. I learned to focus more on utility than aesthetic. I learned that what people said did not always coincide with what they actually did. I no longer felt the obligation to care about a woman more so than I would a man.
And after growing so much, I had just one thing on my mind:
"Gee, I'm sure I'll be able to get a GF-"
Okay, I'm kidding. But not really. Yes, I am suppressing my gynocentrism, but I know that I can't completely remove it. As a man, I'm hardwired to be a workhorse for women and society in general. But I can at least understand the forces that push me towards certain decisions and how best to control them so as to better prevent any form of cuckoldry.
But this is probably all cope anyway. Whatever...
And finally, I learned to be more sympathetic towards unattractive males - not necessarily all unattractive males, but those who are unattractive due to factors beyond their reasonable locus of control.
And, oddly enough, I've grown a higher attachment to non-human animals than human ones (but not to the point of going full PETA). Fuck, maybe I'm becoming the male equivalent of a cat lady. Don't really see any other option for me.
Shock! The horror! Yikerino, I gotta tell my pupper about this... Tyrone, hold my switch!
Yeah, I was low-key that kind of guy. But not to the point of actively pursuing gynocentrism (like male feminists). No, before I could get swept up into all that, I got my first exposure to Gamergate from the "anti-" side of things. However, a part of me wasn't convinced I was getting the full side of the story. Maybe it was because I was an avid player of expensive video games myself, but something pushed me to look into it some more. I wanted to look into a more neutral version of events. In the meanwhile, I was seeing personalities like Ken Ashcorp decry people (like Zoe Quinn), whom I was fed into believing were nothing more but innocent victims at the ends of the evil, misogynistic, right-wing terror group known as Gamergate, in Tumblr posts.
(Yeah, I also heavily used Tumblr back in the day, let's not talk about that aspect of my dark past.)
I was curious, and soon I was hooked. I was getting enamored with waves upon waves of corporate foul play, conspiracies, scamming, and, of course, I got my first taste of just how powerful of a tool self-victimization could be to weaponize others' misplaced pity.
This was the beginning of my descent into the red pill. Before then, I could've described myself as a liberal (not in the classical sense, but in the sense of being heavily left wing and thinking that anyone on the right was from another species). I probably would've also called myself a feminist, not because I bothered looking into what they were actually saying, but because I thought it would make me look good in most people's eyes.
It was only in my sophomore year of college that I began to learn so many new things, not from my college professors, but from different people and voices on the internet. I didn't just learn new facts and current events but also of principals and values. I learned about fallacies and argumentation. I learned about memes and in-group jokes. I learned about different political ideologies and frameworks. I learned about why it is things were the way they are. I learned to take what all sources of information, no matter how much they're propped up as "legitimate" in public perception, with a grain of salt. But most importantly, I learned that I'm still learning, and I can't possibly have all the answers to everything. And I also learned to distinguish good from bad, not based on one's view of the facts, but on what one chose to do with their own perception.
And after growing so much, I had just one thing on my mind:
"Gee, I'm sure I'll be able to get a GF now that I have such a stellar personality. I cracked the code. Women don't want actually a pansy male feminist. They want a physically and mentally strong manly man who can act tough and support them with wealth and resources. Time to hit the gym. Time to learn game. Time to hold frame and spin plates. Just have to graduate from college and get a well-paying job, and I'll be Chad in no time. Just have to wear the best-looking clothes. Looks like no one is interested. I'm not getting any matches on Tinder. That's okay. They'll come around eventually. I'm just going to play video games and watch videos from JBP telling me to clean my room and how the muslims are raping whamen in Europe and Make America Great Again and blah blah blah blah."
And so my journey from blue-pill cuckery to red-pill cuckery came to an end, and a year after graduating from college, my descent into the black-pill was soon to follow.
I was beginning to get sick of all the same "red-pill" content I would see from copy-and-paste channels that wanted to get in on the trend that only a few really successfully did for me. Some were just reaction video channels, while others went more in-depth on the news as well as in academia and theories. I was more interested in the latter. Others were right-wing and alt-right shills looking to cash in on the response to censorship and de-platforming by the proponents of the left-wing. Others were just very big-brained centrist know-it-alls and others had clear political alignments but were still able to inform their views by facts rather than by what was politically correct according to party lines.
Still, not a single one could explain to me why I was a sexless virgin at an age where I should've lost my V-Card by now thanks to things like the sexual revolution and Tinder.
To be clear, I'm a shy guy, so I haven't really pursued relationships to the degree that other men have. However, I've also had my fair share of rejections throughout my life to writing this post. I don't know if I can call myself a mentalcel but I do think that there are some things within my reasonable locus of control that I could've controlled to make sure I at least had a girlfriend in high school. However, with my height and face right now, I can confidently say it's over. But whatever...
Again, I got my first taste of the issue from the "anti-" side of things. However, it wasn't just the blue-pilled proponents thrashing on the term and all those associated with it. The people I come to listen to regularly also addressed the issue in rather negative terms.
Count Dankula: "Incels are communists."
Albeit, most of them were more sympathetic than their blue-pilled counterparts. They understood evolutionary psychology. They understood the difference between the natural and social, and how one informs the other, respectively. They understood.
However, they did not acknowledge just how important looks were in comparison to anything else (e.g. behavior). Through a lapse of critical judgment intermixed with wishful thinking (most of these men are married) and subconscious gynocentrism, they allowed PUA theory to infect the red pill. The only time they would consider looks an issue was when those looks were in one's reasonable locus of control (e.g gymaxxing).
Whereas the blue pill was,
"Just get a personality, sweetie."
"Just shower more, sweetie."
"Just be supportive, sweetie."
"Just be male feminist ally, sweetie."
"Just don't be a misogynist creep, sweetie."
the red pill was,
"Just go to the gym, bro."
"Just get a job, bro."
"Just hold frame and spin plates, bro."
"Just demonstrate how masculine you are to her, bro."
"Just don't be a virgin loser who lives in their parents' basement, bro."
To be fair, the red pill was truer than the blue pill when it came to securing a roastie.
If you have money, a desperate woman with plummetted SMV will definitely kiss up to you, even though she has no attraction to you because she can't help but compare you to all the Tinder Chads she screwed. You can also pay prostitutes for sex. When the goal is defeating one's celibacy, the red pill tends to be true. However, my foray into the black pill has allowed me to discover that "not getting sex" or "not having a GF" was not the main issue but merely a symptom of it.
But before I got into the black pill, I first had to find where all these incels, these supposed Elliot Rodger-worshipping scumbags were hiding, so that I could tell them the very obvious "fact" that it was because of their personalities that they were inkel and they should watch JBP and learn game and blah blah blah blah blah. Okay, I wasn't really going to do that. At this point, I was just as broken, so I went to incel communities looking for answers more than fights. Besides, I knew, to a certain degree before the black pill, that PUA was snake oil.
I found a lot of answers on Reddit from r/braincels. They pointed me to FaceandLMS and other content providers.
I absorbed the information. The greatest hurdle was when the information began to absorb me.
My mood plummetted. A lot of preconceived notions were challenged just like they were when I got into Gamergate. However, instead of the amazement that one would feel in uncovering an intertangled web of lies and conspiracy, I instead felt a form of depressive realism weighing upon my shoulders. Like other red-pillers, I knew the black pill, but I was so caught up in the idea of how incels were SJWs because of the self-pity and self-victimization stuff that was often associated with them, that, for a mere moment, I became this below 6 foot alpha with an, at best, average face sitting on a pedestal, overlooking all of these poor "right-wing SJWs" doing the exact same thing as the SJWs but in reverse. What a fool I was.
Incels were not victims of others, like SJWs constantly painted themselves as for victimbuxx, but of their circumstances. I also knew that accepting a fact didn't put one on the same level as people who acted on those facts. Just because I accepted the black pill did not mean I was going to be the next Elliot Rodgers or something. Just because I learned of a hierarchy of privilege, not based on economic value (i.e. the progressive stack), but on sexual value, didn't mean that I was going to start saying shit like "redistribute the means of reproduction" unironically.
The first thing I learned was to accept a truly unjust world. Not a world that was current unjust but could be fixed. No, I learned that there were some problems that, no matter what, could not be fixed, and those who weren't suffering from said problems or were able to delude themselves from acknowledging their own suffering simply preferred to sweep it all under a rug and pretend it didn't exist.
I did listen to men's rights and MGTOW. Before the black pill, I thought that the main reason for a lot of men committing suicide was because of how stacked the marriage system was in women's favor. After the black pill, I believe that the real primary reason is two-fold:
- A man is blue-pilled/red-pilled to the point where he judges his value based on how women perceive him, and when not a single woman perceives him as a potential romantic partner (e.g. friend-zone), he believes that the problem is because he's a horrible human being and decides to hang himself to spare society his horribleness.
- A man is black-pilled to the point where he sees no real point to life and decides to end it.
In other words, whether or not you accept the black pill, you'll either hang or delude yourself until you can't take it anymore.
This goes back to what I'm saying of the unjust world. You cannot win no matter what you do.
Another thing I realized was not only just how much men and women were different, but just how much of a zero-sum game romantic relationships really were. I began to see the horror behind ugly women getting picked up by better-looking men. I began to see just how damaging it was that there existed technology for women to post themselves in full view of the public and for desperate men to feed into their egos by sending positivity and money. I began to notice the signs and social cues that pervaded our interactions with one another (e.g. a short man suddenly acting submissively in the presence of a taller and more attractive man). I began to notice just how thirsty men were for a majority of women, but how dry women were for a majority of men.
It's like taking off the fancy interface of a machine to see all the confusing and gritty hardware underneath. I peeked into humanity's internal hardware and found the source of a multitude of complex issues to be due to almost entirely to one simple factor: sex.
That's probably the point at time when I realized that I could call myself an "incel".
I became even more jaded than I already was. Most things didn't really appeal to me anymore. Romance was dead. The care for my physical appearance died with my desire to "prove myself as a viable mate" to the opposite sex, when it was clear that nothing I did would make them interested until they needed me for resources.
I began looking into exercise, not to look good, but to feel good, and to not live up to that stereotype of fat incels who can't get laid because of laziness. I stopped caring about my fashion to such an autistic extent. I learned to better hide my true feelings and personality behind a facade of normalcy and professionalism. I learned to focus more on utility than aesthetic. I learned that what people said did not always coincide with what they actually did. I no longer felt the obligation to care about a woman more so than I would a man.
And after growing so much, I had just one thing on my mind:
"Gee, I'm sure I'll be able to get a GF-"
Okay, I'm kidding. But not really. Yes, I am suppressing my gynocentrism, but I know that I can't completely remove it. As a man, I'm hardwired to be a workhorse for women and society in general. But I can at least understand the forces that push me towards certain decisions and how best to control them so as to better prevent any form of cuckoldry.
But this is probably all cope anyway. Whatever...
And finally, I learned to be more sympathetic towards unattractive males - not necessarily all unattractive males, but those who are unattractive due to factors beyond their reasonable locus of control.
And, oddly enough, I've grown a higher attachment to non-human animals than human ones (but not to the point of going full PETA). Fuck, maybe I'm becoming the male equivalent of a cat lady. Don't really see any other option for me.
