I saw therapists on and off for 20 years (1991-2011). Eventually, it dawned on me that they truly were worthless.
But the last one I was seeing was actually more of a realist. It still didn't help, though, because when there is no solution to a problem, it does no good to try to solve the unsolvable problem.
And let me set the context for you regarding him admitting it was over: My therapist himself had a physical deformity/disability, yet was married, divorced, and remarried. He would be in the bottom 5% of all men in looks...maybe bottom 1%. He was overweight and would stand out somewhat in a crowd thanks to his "unique" looks. He was the kind of guy who would be incel if not for his high-paying profession.
And yet when the topic of not having a girlfriend came up, the most he could say was, "...I think if you really tried, you could probably find a girlfriend." I want to emphasize that he said this in a tone that clearly indicated he was uncertain, and implying that he knew my looks were a major problem.
And I think I responded with, "well, I'm not going to lower my standards to that extent," and he simply said, "OK," and moved on, acknowledging that my position on this was perfectly reasonable.
He never said, "hey, look at me, I found somebody, and if I can find somebody, so can you." This guy was acknowledging that I was somehow even more physically unattractive than him, despite the fact that he stood out like a sore thumb for being physically fucked up and unattractive.
At another time, I brought up my voicecel status to him, to which he again implicitly acknowledged the truth of my perception, and replied, "I mean, I don't think if you were some random guy in the bar who started speaking, someone would go, 'that's the most bizarre voice I've ever heard.'"
His tactics here were clear: He knew that what I was saying was true, so he took it out to the furthest extreme so that he could plausibly downplay my observations about myself.
"I mean, I don't think you're the ugliest person on planet earth. I don't think you couldn't even get a psychopathic, deformed, barely-looks-human methhead girlfriend if you really tried hard to manipulate her into settling for you."
"I mean, I don't think you have the worst voice in the history of mankind. Everybody has probably heard a person or two with a worse voice than you at some point in their lives."
But the last one I was seeing was actually more of a realist. It still didn't help, though, because when there is no solution to a problem, it does no good to try to solve the unsolvable problem.
And let me set the context for you regarding him admitting it was over: My therapist himself had a physical deformity/disability, yet was married, divorced, and remarried. He would be in the bottom 5% of all men in looks...maybe bottom 1%. He was overweight and would stand out somewhat in a crowd thanks to his "unique" looks. He was the kind of guy who would be incel if not for his high-paying profession.
And yet when the topic of not having a girlfriend came up, the most he could say was, "...I think if you really tried, you could probably find a girlfriend." I want to emphasize that he said this in a tone that clearly indicated he was uncertain, and implying that he knew my looks were a major problem.
And I think I responded with, "well, I'm not going to lower my standards to that extent," and he simply said, "OK," and moved on, acknowledging that my position on this was perfectly reasonable.
He never said, "hey, look at me, I found somebody, and if I can find somebody, so can you." This guy was acknowledging that I was somehow even more physically unattractive than him, despite the fact that he stood out like a sore thumb for being physically fucked up and unattractive.
At another time, I brought up my voicecel status to him, to which he again implicitly acknowledged the truth of my perception, and replied, "I mean, I don't think if you were some random guy in the bar who started speaking, someone would go, 'that's the most bizarre voice I've ever heard.'"
His tactics here were clear: He knew that what I was saying was true, so he took it out to the furthest extreme so that he could plausibly downplay my observations about myself.
"I mean, I don't think you're the ugliest person on planet earth. I don't think you couldn't even get a psychopathic, deformed, barely-looks-human methhead girlfriend if you really tried hard to manipulate her into settling for you."
"I mean, I don't think you have the worst voice in the history of mankind. Everybody has probably heard a person or two with a worse voice than you at some point in their lives."
