The never ending unrealistic expectation from authority (parents) truly is brutal, whats the point in trying if no matter how hard you push - it will never be in enough to satisfy?
You really start to lose the motivation to continue forward, and from this i've learnt to focus less on external validation, and more on am I really proud of what i've accomplished? Or even would God be proud? When assessing yourself it's very easy to over estimate, so you've got to keep it real.
Having said all of this, from my own personal observation I've seen the majority of parents that aren't satisfied with their children have a very fair reason, and I wouldn't blame them. Teenagers these days are naturally defiant against their parents are naturally look to rebel for usually very little reason. But in different unwesternised, unmodernised families and cultures you could say otherwise.
Technically there is always more you can do, and I feel like parents for example will sometimes see that more can be done and dwell on it. Even if it would be completely impractical to satisfy their desire.
If we're looking scientifically, this is the ChatGPT relative reasoning:
Conditional approval: When love, praise, or acceptance feels dependent on meeting expectations. This can create a sense that your worth is tied to achievement rather than who you are.
Maladaptive perfectionism: Feeling that nothing is ever good enough, often because standards are unrealistically high or constantly moving. This can come from internal beliefs, external expectations, or both.
And then leads to...
Learned helplessness: If repeated effort never seems to result in recognition or success, people may eventually stop trying because they come to believe their actions don't change the outcome.
Contingent self-worth: When your self-esteem depends heavily on achievement or meeting others' standards. Success brings only temporary relief because the next benchmark quickly replaces it.
High Standards vs Impossible Standards
The important distinction is that high standards aren't the problem. High standards can build discipline, resilience, and competence.
The problem is when the standard is never actually reachable. If every achievement is replaced with "you could've done more", then success never feels real.
The brain stops associating effort with reward. That's where motivation begins to die - but not because someone is lazy, rather because their effort is never allowed to feel complete. There's always more that could be done. The question is whether that "more" is actually meaningful or just an endless moving goalpost.
You really start to lose the motivation to continue forward, and from this i've learnt to focus less on external validation, and more on am I really proud of what i've accomplished? Or even would God be proud? When assessing yourself it's very easy to over estimate, so you've got to keep it real.
Having said all of this, from my own personal observation I've seen the majority of parents that aren't satisfied with their children have a very fair reason, and I wouldn't blame them. Teenagers these days are naturally defiant against their parents are naturally look to rebel for usually very little reason. But in different unwesternised, unmodernised families and cultures you could say otherwise.
Technically there is always more you can do, and I feel like parents for example will sometimes see that more can be done and dwell on it. Even if it would be completely impractical to satisfy their desire.
If we're looking scientifically, this is the ChatGPT relative reasoning:
Conditional approval: When love, praise, or acceptance feels dependent on meeting expectations. This can create a sense that your worth is tied to achievement rather than who you are.
Maladaptive perfectionism: Feeling that nothing is ever good enough, often because standards are unrealistically high or constantly moving. This can come from internal beliefs, external expectations, or both.
And then leads to...
Learned helplessness: If repeated effort never seems to result in recognition or success, people may eventually stop trying because they come to believe their actions don't change the outcome.
Contingent self-worth: When your self-esteem depends heavily on achievement or meeting others' standards. Success brings only temporary relief because the next benchmark quickly replaces it.
High Standards vs Impossible Standards
The important distinction is that high standards aren't the problem. High standards can build discipline, resilience, and competence.
The problem is when the standard is never actually reachable. If every achievement is replaced with "you could've done more", then success never feels real.
The brain stops associating effort with reward. That's where motivation begins to die - but not because someone is lazy, rather because their effort is never allowed to feel complete. There's always more that could be done. The question is whether that "more" is actually meaningful or just an endless moving goalpost.
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