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SuicideFuel Don't seek help. I shouldn't be alive.

2Headpats4You

2Headpats4You

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I tried to kill myself some time ago and I should have died.

I planned it quite well. I wanted to die on a specific day of importance and I took great joy in doing things I usually found ardous for the last time, such as cutting my toe nails.
On the day of importance, I broke my tech stuff such as my router and electric toothbrush (that I had not used in quite a while); I broke my only credit card. I spared my phone.
I took a ceremonial blade and went out to the forest after writing goodbye posts on reddit and facebook without disclosing my location.
I had cleaned my up my place of residence neatly so that whoever stepped into it would find it neat and respectable, realizing that I had planned to kms quite well.
I had retaken my drivers license days before I planned to depart which was my last big accomplishment; the drivers licence truly makes the man.

What I didn't expect was that there would be a physical block that kept me from killing myself the way I intended. I wanted to die and proclaimed it loudly by word after a while but it was not physically possible. The block was not mental but physical. I managed to get a scar on my calf which has healed up half way now. Everything had gone well up until that point and I had had the end I had planned and wanted. It shock me as I truely wanted to die. I spent some time and walked around a bit in the wilderness. I thought that I would behead myself if I could or submit to a hungry tiger if it was there. I thought that I needed a poson brew or an executor due to this unexpected imperfection of my human body.

There were some supposedly deadly electric wires with warning signs. I touched them barefoot and did different combinations but they seemed to be powerless. Again, I wanted to die; it would be extremely embarassing and humiliating to survive. I had lived my most recent year as a neet, having failed my university studies and having my father pay for my neetdom while he thought I succeeded in the next year of my (equivalent of) masters degree. I decided to die of dehydration instead. I had over the years defeated that which kept me from kms.

I was found by a female police officer who swiftly and sneakily took the blade out of my pocket. I still don't know how they found me but they could perhaps have tracked my phone.
I had no choice but to follow her and some of her seemingly amoral male colleagues to the local hospital where I was never let alone to kms. This was the worst thing that could happen to me, not to my body but to my honor and dignity. I was berated of my possessions and moved to a psychiatric ward by a police escort against my will.

I was forced to stay there against my will. I did not get to smell free air. The air, food, bed, temperature and staff were appaling. It was impossible to feel good physically at any given time and I was plagued by survival guilt. I wanted to die with dignity and kms outside; It would be made impossible to do it inside the ward.
The staff members were merciless and retarded. They claimed to only follow orders and yet slandered me to eachother and the doctors.
Any healthy person would find the situation and atmosphere repulsive and quit in a few days at most.
The staff wore pride colour stripes as parts of their uniforms; I asked them about it and they all seemed to accept it without sanity or healthy homophobia.

I hunger striked for normal food the first 4 days. I drank a bit on the second evening as a planned to kms discretely that night although I failed as the pen I had gotten hold of failed to pierce the skin on my jugular. The staff hated that I striked as it gave me even the slightest grain of freedom and agency.
At one point they planned to electrocute me into a lobotomised state but I used my last and only ability to contact the outside world to put a stop to it.
They would have stopped me if they knew I could. My whole time there was filled of suffering, despair and humiliation. Keep in mind that I was only there for being accused of being suicidal.
The sewer looked like the nether parts of a human female. (image 2)

I was transferred to a better hospital after a bit over one week. It was better and I achieved physical comfort. They allowed me to used my phone and charger which which I ordered cyanide pills online.
The doctor there was better and let me out after a few days. The treatment of me was oligatory for anyone who tries to end there life in this country regardless of age, cause and sanity.
It is the pinnacle of this meme (image 1). Nothing they did improved my life. It was horrible and any life I would have had outside decayed further. I did not get to speak to any sane man until I was let out. Many of my possessions were taken from me such as my ceremonoal blade, one of my most priced possessions.

I realised some time after being let out that cyanolabs.com, the site I had used, was a scam; they take your money without even producing what they claim to deliver.
It can be found in the scam directory among similar sites.
I tried to made a death brew out of cherry pits as they contain an adequate amount of cyanide. Only frozen ones can be bought here in this time. I bought a mortar and 750 grams of frozen cherries without reading all the small text on the back of the box; it said that they were de-pitted by machine (which made them into an inedible repulsive soggy mush). Proof(image 3)
I live in such a denegrating first world prison that I'm not even allowed to buy complete cherries.
While I may losen up on revealing doxing information, I will not disclose my country of residence.

I would have walked into the desert in the Ummah if I could and I would have licked a dart frog were I in Brazil; they look too delicious to not get eaten.
I would like to have been of the indosphere as king cobras would not be impossible to find; they have a >99% mortality rate within one hour of no medical treatment.
I looked at a photograph from the indosphere while browsing wikipedia; the forest in indosphere looks like such a beautiful spiritually strengthening place even if my deepest most immovable spiritual loyalty lies in my real home nation.

My parents forced themselves upon me when I regained freedom. I have been unable to dehydrate myself to death as they would notice. My father will visit me tomorrow.
He knows that I failed at my studies now. He is such a boomer in that he trusts the projections of population stabilising and that the future will be bright.

I found it very hard to eat after regaining freedom. I had done everything I had wanted to have done and eaten everything I wanted to eat in my life. I had planned what I ate for some time.
I had used up my copes and found my days to be empty, even after being used to never speaking to people irl.
I had a great survival guilt after not even failing to kms with cyanide; I felt against eating and drinking as I live unjustly and should have died; My survival guilt remained.
My refrigerator is empty and I don't have a credit card. I have mostly eaten fruit and fast food burgers and I have not begain to brush my teeth; I don't even own a tooth brush.
I had planned everything so well and just not expected that the physical block was there. My survival guilt made it not about inceldom or my living standards but about my honor and dignity.
I would have done the whole month of August differently; I made several mistakes including not kms on time. It may have been the most important and most poorly executed month in my life.
The lack of possessions, friends and future that is in my life means that I don't have a new beginning, just a humiliatingly postponed end.
My life is so wrecked that I will not make it to the anniversary. I was ready to die. I survived the wrong day.

My advice is the following:
Don't seek help from the medical establishent; it will do you no good. The less they do to you, the better.
Don't post digital goodbye letters even if you don't disclose your location.
Don't break things like keys, credit cards or machines.
Ignore empty well wishes from "friends" such as virttue signalling female facebook friends who wouln't have sex with you to keep you alive.
Use a good method with deniability and high mortality like cyanide, dart frog or king cobra. I think a fast acting poison is preferrable as you don't lose consousness right away whithout knowing if your method worked while not being painful for longer than a few minutes. Cobra bites and cyanide poisoning are reversible unless it's a late stage.
 
this reads like a larp.assuming this isn't a larp,how did they treat you at psychiatric wards?
 
too much reading
 
this reads like a larp.assuming this isn't a larp,how did they treat you at psychiatric wards?

I'm telling the truth. Most tried to act professionally but as I said, most acted immoral or retarded.
 
I'm telling the truth. Most tried to act professionally but as I said, most acted immoral or retarded.
could you tell us how they acted immoral or retarded?they probably drugged you into infinity and beyond but you probably remember something
 
Don't do obviously impossible suicide methods and don't let anyone know you're roping.

And you learned this AFTER the fact? My god, I don't say this often but you seem genuinely stupid.
 
could you tell us how they acted immoral or retarded?they probably drugged you into infinity and beyond but you probably remember something

I managed to not get drugged.
They checked up on me at night and they did not leave util they saw that I was awake. They did not let me get normal food from the normal store that I hunger striked to get. They slandered me. They tried to trick me into giving up the few possessions I had left. They did not let me have a mirror, a showerhead with which to shower or the charger for my phone. One manlet who worked there he went through the few items I had left and grabbed a pen from my hand with force.
They said they were just following orders when I asked them if it was justified to keep me there against my will but yet showed glee or apathy when I was close to being electrocuted. They showed distain when I hunger stiked, or managed to look at a mirror. I spoke to one man and I could tell he felt as if he wanted to break me mentally and make me feel like I fitted in dehumanised, in hospital clothes, without possessions and able for him to watch 24/7 without reacting or acting differently.

The treatment was better at the second ward but the staff who consisted mostly of over paid under worked females in the public sector showed disrespect and most saw male patients who didn't like to be there as a burden not to help heal but to show disragard. They have a borderline neet life stytle. They come there and wear their work clothes every day but they just sit down and gossip, watch TV and surf on their phones all day and roll the food cart in and out at lunch and dinner time.
They get paid the national average wage which includes recipients of high wages.
Don't do obviously impossible suicide methods and don't let anyone know you're roping.

And you learned this AFTER the fact? My god, I don't say this often but you seem genuinely stupid.


Ok, if you are smarter than me, how should I kms?
 
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I managed to not get drugged.
They checked up on me at night and they did not leave util they saw that I was awake. They did not let me get normal food from the normal store that I hunger striked to get. They slandered me. They tried to trick me into giving up the few possessions I had left. They did not let me have a mirror, a showerhead with which to shower or the charger for my phone. One manlet who worked there he went through the few items I had left and grabbed a pen from my hand with force.
They said they were just following orders when I asked them if it was justified to keep me there against my will but yet showed glee or apathy when I was close to being electrocuted. They showed distain when I hunger stiked, or managed to look at a mirror. I spoke to one man and I could tell he felt as if he wanted to break me mentally and make me feel like I fitted in dehumanised, in hospital clothes, without possessions and able for him to watch 24/7 without reacting or acting differently.

The treatment was better at the second ward but the staff who consisted mostly of over paid under worked females in the public sector showed disrespect and most saw male patients who didn't like to be there as a burden not to help heal but to show disragard. They have a borderline neet life stytle. They come there and wear their work clothes every day but they just sit down and gossip, watch TV and surf on their phones all day and roll the food cart in and out at lunch and dinner time.
They get paid the national average wage which includes recipients of high wages.



Ok, if you are smarter than me, how should I kms?
slandered?what do you mean?they made fun of you?
 
slandered?what do you mean?they made fun of you?

They said I could not be reasoned with, that I infantily just decided not defiantly not eat, that I was deeply disturbed prom sanity mentally, that I had said things I had not said. It was sometimes as if the words I said were scrambled and they tried to deduce a meaning that would frame them in good light and me in bad light out of what they could comprehend. This was probably selective in their favour but these staff members appeared to believe it as if they had sub 70 IQ.
 
are you John Titor?
 
@2Headpats4You how old are you?
 
Where you from brah (at least continent)?

Don't seek help from the medical establishent; it will do you no good. The less they do to you, the better.
You just discovered this? The medical establishment is a mind control joke.
Ignore empty well wishes from "friends" such as virttue signalling female facebook friends who wouln't have sex with you to keep you alive.
Shock.
 
You just discovered this? The medical establishment is a mind control joke.
Shock.

I've known these things for years and never strayed from these advices.



Where you from brah (at least continent)?

I've chosen to preliminarily not answer doxxing questions. I'm from a depressing first world prison in which the law apparently mandates that anyone suspected of being suicidal must be evaluated by two or more doctors and berated of freedom for several days (up to several months) which does not decrease suicidality unless it is a short lived one time thing. English is not the native language of my country.
Best wishes.
 
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I assume you are japanese. Am I right?
 
Ok, here's the deal. Successfully killing yourself in a painless way is not easy.
Here are a few options:
1. Drop Hanging (Not normal hanging)
2. Carbon monoxide/helium
3. Guns/Explosives strapped to your head.
.
Ignore empty well wishes from "friends" such as virttue signalling female facebook friends who wouln't have sex with you to keep you alive.
Use a good method with deniability and high mortality like cyanide, dart frog or king cobra. I think a fast acting poison is preferrable as you don't lose consousness right away whithout knowing if your method worked while not being painful for longer than a few minutes. Cobra bites and cyanide poisoning are reversible unless it's a late stage.
All of these are very shit ngl.
 
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I've pondered this option but I don't have any machines that can give it off; I don't even have a space to use it. How do I get such a machine with my meager funds?
So there are 2 ways:
1. charcoal suffocation
Get a shitload of tape (The wide tape for packaging) and seal up all cracks in your room (Door. window, airvents etc.)
Get a a metal bucket and alumium foil to prevent unintentional fires
Cover floor with aluminium foil to prevent fire
Make sure to disable fire alarms/smoke detectors by covering them in tape and other insulators properly
Get a significant amount of charcoal. (the smokeless bbq stuff if available) and burn it in the closed room

2. 85% formic acid into concentrated (98%) sulphuric acid
Just mix them together and rig something so that you can inhale the fumes.
 
Yes, don't seek help, all of them just bluepill brainwashing.
 

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