N
A long time ago I was very angry at being unable to find women, being stuck in the position I'm in. My life was destroyed as a child, remedial classes and nothing but a kick in the teeth every time I tried. Told over and over again that I was a rapist-in-waiting. That shit certainly contributed to why I was afraid to even try. This is what they do to people, learned helplessness. It never feels any better.
So a while back I decided I was over it, that I didn't need to dwell on this incel thing, because it was never going to change. Why dwell on something that, realistically, doesn't matter? My reward for "winning" is to get what little money I have siphoned off and to bring another child into this world to suffer just as I did, if not worse. So for the past 8 years roughly, I did give up, told myself I was better than an incel. I didn't want to become one of those people destroying themselves throughout their 30s and 40s over this shit.
I hate to say it but losing my mother was the best thing to happen for my mental health. She couldn't accept me as anything other than a monster, and now she's in a better place. Sucks that she suffered needlessly, but she refused to change and accepted everything this world does to people. I still would rather have her back, but it was never going to get any better than it was near the end. Now I have this one thing left to hold on to, which puts me in a better position than a lot of people now.
If the past two years have told me anything, it really is the rest of the world that is incurably insane. It was never me. Total rage is the only appropriate response to what was done to me, and what was done to the honest people of this world. I didn't think the end of the world would be this stupid. I know I'm not going to get far talking anything "political" here because I hate right-wingers and fascists, and I don't want to talk about that here because of the trolls. The one thing that is clear is that the one thing that is forbidden in all the discussions is the truth, that this whole society is rotten and practically willed this horrible end into existence. It's not just a few elites conspiring behind a curtain. Large numbers of people went out of their way to make this world hellish, each for their own petty reasons. It sucks for the majority of people, who would have rather not done this, but this society was designed to create people who would do this to the world. What is happening now proves that the programming is locked in place, and there isn't much that will stop it. It's all so disgusting and tiresome.
I wish I could just be rid of what's left of these sexual desires, and spent the past 8 years doing everything possible to kill it off. It has only been partially successful. Maybe if I let loose a little here, with people who get it, it will help me kill off the last remnants. The way the world is going, the sexual question is moot, anyway. Everything will be artificial insemination, children bred in tanks to be slaves. Too many people don't want to face what they've been working towards all this time. We don't have a mode of production. We have a mode of destruction, and that's what all this has been oriented towards. That's why I had to suffer, my family had to suffer, my mother had to suffer, and why so many decent people had to suffer. The only people who like anything about this are sadists. I don't want to be accused of promoting suicide, since I'm (somehow) not suicidal. Right now I just want to live out what little is left. I quite like my little space for myself, but it is precisely this that the experts want to "fix", since they're very effective at hurting me but laugh or play dumb when there's things they could do to help one god damn thing in my life. I'm still sick of being kicked around any time I try to actually interact with people, and the only thing that has made this life tolerable is that I mostly don't exist as a social actor. Not I or anyone should have to live in a world where "help" is this sadistic gangsterism, to the point where most of the world feels correctly that they're basically alone. However much I tell myself I'm "over" incel, I'll always be treated this way. I try to get along with women and understand that they have feelings too, but a lot of these women... really don't. Besides, I learned a long time ago to separate the sexual from any sort of friendship, out of necessity. I can get along to an extent with women so long as I remain asexual for all intents and purposes, and the sadistic predator types aren't even worth trying to get along with.
Maybe it's a mistake coming here, since there's too much focus on sexualism and the problem is much bigger than that. There aren't that many places I can go where people still talk like human beings, or at least something resembling it.
So a while back I decided I was over it, that I didn't need to dwell on this incel thing, because it was never going to change. Why dwell on something that, realistically, doesn't matter? My reward for "winning" is to get what little money I have siphoned off and to bring another child into this world to suffer just as I did, if not worse. So for the past 8 years roughly, I did give up, told myself I was better than an incel. I didn't want to become one of those people destroying themselves throughout their 30s and 40s over this shit.
I hate to say it but losing my mother was the best thing to happen for my mental health. She couldn't accept me as anything other than a monster, and now she's in a better place. Sucks that she suffered needlessly, but she refused to change and accepted everything this world does to people. I still would rather have her back, but it was never going to get any better than it was near the end. Now I have this one thing left to hold on to, which puts me in a better position than a lot of people now.
If the past two years have told me anything, it really is the rest of the world that is incurably insane. It was never me. Total rage is the only appropriate response to what was done to me, and what was done to the honest people of this world. I didn't think the end of the world would be this stupid. I know I'm not going to get far talking anything "political" here because I hate right-wingers and fascists, and I don't want to talk about that here because of the trolls. The one thing that is clear is that the one thing that is forbidden in all the discussions is the truth, that this whole society is rotten and practically willed this horrible end into existence. It's not just a few elites conspiring behind a curtain. Large numbers of people went out of their way to make this world hellish, each for their own petty reasons. It sucks for the majority of people, who would have rather not done this, but this society was designed to create people who would do this to the world. What is happening now proves that the programming is locked in place, and there isn't much that will stop it. It's all so disgusting and tiresome.
I wish I could just be rid of what's left of these sexual desires, and spent the past 8 years doing everything possible to kill it off. It has only been partially successful. Maybe if I let loose a little here, with people who get it, it will help me kill off the last remnants. The way the world is going, the sexual question is moot, anyway. Everything will be artificial insemination, children bred in tanks to be slaves. Too many people don't want to face what they've been working towards all this time. We don't have a mode of production. We have a mode of destruction, and that's what all this has been oriented towards. That's why I had to suffer, my family had to suffer, my mother had to suffer, and why so many decent people had to suffer. The only people who like anything about this are sadists. I don't want to be accused of promoting suicide, since I'm (somehow) not suicidal. Right now I just want to live out what little is left. I quite like my little space for myself, but it is precisely this that the experts want to "fix", since they're very effective at hurting me but laugh or play dumb when there's things they could do to help one god damn thing in my life. I'm still sick of being kicked around any time I try to actually interact with people, and the only thing that has made this life tolerable is that I mostly don't exist as a social actor. Not I or anyone should have to live in a world where "help" is this sadistic gangsterism, to the point where most of the world feels correctly that they're basically alone. However much I tell myself I'm "over" incel, I'll always be treated this way. I try to get along with women and understand that they have feelings too, but a lot of these women... really don't. Besides, I learned a long time ago to separate the sexual from any sort of friendship, out of necessity. I can get along to an extent with women so long as I remain asexual for all intents and purposes, and the sadistic predator types aren't even worth trying to get along with.
Maybe it's a mistake coming here, since there's too much focus on sexualism and the problem is much bigger than that. There aren't that many places I can go where people still talk like human beings, or at least something resembling it.
