I'm only not stressed when I'm rotting with nothing to do all day. But on normal days inevitably something happens to stress me out.
Even on days that should be relatively chill, stress will inevitably happen. There's just ALWAYS something, no day is easy. Even when you're finally done with something that causes you stress, maybe a project or some shit, then something else will happen to stress you out.
Like the past 2 days were supposed to be super chill for me. No presentations, nothing. Even my anxiety was under control, all was chill. But then it was announced that I might have to physically go to school on Monday, no more quarantine (which is retarded cause this country is one of the most affected shitholes on this continent AND a few faculties which opened earlier have already closed. But no, the professors will make us come in person at least for some tests and shit). And it was announced that we'll have tests too. And more presentations were assigned. And a few other projects are due soon. GOD DAMN I CHOSE SOCIAL SCIENCES CAUSE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING EASY. So many god damn assignments in this piece of shit university, the diplomas aren't worth shit, the degree ain't worth shit, this god forsaken shithole nuke-worthy country ain't worth shit, the salaries when you graduate are $300 a month before taxes if you're lucky so they ain't worth shit. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY MAKING ME WORK SO GOD DAMN HARD GOD DAMN IT SO MANY FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS AND TESTS AND SHIT.
Also as an extra bonus of anxiety, cause just regular sources of stress weren't enough: so yesterday of course I happened to leave the mic unmuted for a bit. Fuck. So now I've been paranoid about what I said during those moments, was that when I mumbled to myself? or was that when I went to my mom to bitch about the retarded professor or the sneaky colleagues I hate so much. Or was that when I listened to that weird youtube channel I've never listened to before, but of course now everybody will think I'm into that kind of shit because of this one time. Or was it when I was listening to a sitcom? And I kinda know that I probably just left it unmuted for a few seconds and nothing happened, but my memory is so shit that since then I forgot the chronology of events. Fuck, if my memory was better I'd know what happened, but I legit panicked and forgot. Most likely nothing happened but my brain likes to invent sources of anxiety. And today something else happened, the fucking bitch ass professor told me last time my presentation could be just oral, no powerpoint. And so I didn't make one, but now it turns out I need to upload my fucking presentation. WHAT? BITCH WHAT? FUCKING BITCH ASS DUMBASS CUNT. And so I had to waste time throwing together some shit from random sources, half of it in fucking English cause in this shit ass native language of mine there's fucking nothing online, so now I have a fucking 35 page word document with random shit thrown in it, that looks exactly like what it is: something I fucking threw together. And now the bitch will probably give me a worse grade. Or make me redo it. Fuck, and it took me way too long to throw this shit together too, god damn.
Even on days that should be relatively chill, stress will inevitably happen. There's just ALWAYS something, no day is easy. Even when you're finally done with something that causes you stress, maybe a project or some shit, then something else will happen to stress you out.
Like the past 2 days were supposed to be super chill for me. No presentations, nothing. Even my anxiety was under control, all was chill. But then it was announced that I might have to physically go to school on Monday, no more quarantine (which is retarded cause this country is one of the most affected shitholes on this continent AND a few faculties which opened earlier have already closed. But no, the professors will make us come in person at least for some tests and shit). And it was announced that we'll have tests too. And more presentations were assigned. And a few other projects are due soon. GOD DAMN I CHOSE SOCIAL SCIENCES CAUSE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING EASY. So many god damn assignments in this piece of shit university, the diplomas aren't worth shit, the degree ain't worth shit, this god forsaken shithole nuke-worthy country ain't worth shit, the salaries when you graduate are $300 a month before taxes if you're lucky so they ain't worth shit. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY MAKING ME WORK SO GOD DAMN HARD GOD DAMN IT SO MANY FUCKING ASSIGNMENTS AND TESTS AND SHIT.
Also as an extra bonus of anxiety, cause just regular sources of stress weren't enough: so yesterday of course I happened to leave the mic unmuted for a bit. Fuck. So now I've been paranoid about what I said during those moments, was that when I mumbled to myself? or was that when I went to my mom to bitch about the retarded professor or the sneaky colleagues I hate so much. Or was that when I listened to that weird youtube channel I've never listened to before, but of course now everybody will think I'm into that kind of shit because of this one time. Or was it when I was listening to a sitcom? And I kinda know that I probably just left it unmuted for a few seconds and nothing happened, but my memory is so shit that since then I forgot the chronology of events. Fuck, if my memory was better I'd know what happened, but I legit panicked and forgot. Most likely nothing happened but my brain likes to invent sources of anxiety. And today something else happened, the fucking bitch ass professor told me last time my presentation could be just oral, no powerpoint. And so I didn't make one, but now it turns out I need to upload my fucking presentation. WHAT? BITCH WHAT? FUCKING BITCH ASS DUMBASS CUNT. And so I had to waste time throwing together some shit from random sources, half of it in fucking English cause in this shit ass native language of mine there's fucking nothing online, so now I have a fucking 35 page word document with random shit thrown in it, that looks exactly like what it is: something I fucking threw together. And now the bitch will probably give me a worse grade. Or make me redo it. Fuck, and it took me way too long to throw this shit together too, god damn.
