I've wanted for years to say something (at least something related, even a small hint) to my mother, but when I have the opportunity/when I am in the situation, I always back out. Because I know her, I know how she would react. She would tell me that I am not entitled to love and sex. She thinks that I don't have the right to feel bad because I won't ever have a girlfriend. If I tell her about dying (I have a couple times, the last time was something like 10 years ago), she will say that I don't have the right to do that, starts crying and yelling at me, calls the "911" (emergency number), police and/or mental health emergency number. She hasn't had any sympathy ever for my singleness. When she asks how I am doing, I always say that I am doing very badly. But I don't have the courage to say why. She probably does not even have a clue why I am suffering. It just is totally unthinkable/taboo for her to even have the thought that I would want a girlfriend. She has treated me all my life as a non-sexual person. She would not accept and would laugh if I told her that I can't take this suffering any more. She would also say that I am not suffering or have no reason to suffer, having passionate (non-paid) sex is not big thing (of course as a woman she hasn't had ever to be without sex long time involuntary). She would also 100 % surely not accept me paying for prostitutes for sex. She would threaten to call the police (she would think that using prostitutes is illegal).
This situation is heading into a situation where she only reads my reasons in a written form and will not have the opportunity to ask questions.
This situation is heading into a situation where she only reads my reasons in a written form and will not have the opportunity to ask questions.
