Hypocrisy Do as I say not as I do

[A_Broken_Person]

I know I try to spread positivity here. Because you all deserve it. I don't want anybody here to die and I don't want suicide to be the end result for any other members because I do genuinely care for people in this community with all my heart- I have for years, even if at some points it is difficult because I have even gottwn bullied in incel circles (I'm that much of a lost cause). It would truly destroy me if a single person on this forum succumbed to the pain and roped or gave up in any capacity.

But I have given up myself. I find it hard to believe anybody will ever be capable of loving me and I regularly fantasise about offing myself - I have since I was 9 years old.

I know this makes me a huge hypocrite, I can't even maintain the optimism I want so badly for you all to maintain. I want to die, and some nights I crave it really badly. There's no denying that. The only reason I am not dead is because I am scared of pain and how it will impact my family.

So do as I say and not as I do. The logical conclusion I have come to in order to justify this juxtaposition in what I want for others and myself is that everyone is above me. You are better people than me and you are more deserving of the will to go on, so you need the optimism I preach more than I ever will, because you are good men and I am merely worthless.

 

[WawelDragon1683]

I am far worse than you are. I have barely any positivity in me anymore. I lost the ability to care about anyone around me long time ago.
Unfortunately i will eventually succumb to my depression and take the easy way out.

 

[A_Broken_Person]

I am far worse than you are. I have barely any positivity in me anymore. I lost the ability to care about anyone around me long time ago.
Unfortunately i will eventually succumb to my depression and take the easy way out.

Underneath all that apathy you have the capacity to care and love. I believe everyone does, provided they aren't jewish

 

[WawelDragon1683]

Underneath all that apathy you have the capacity to care and love.

Perhaps. But my apathy is only growing stronger by the day.

I believe everyone does, provided they aren't jewish

lol

 

[A_Broken_Person]

Perhaps. But my apathy is only growing stronger by the day.

lol

Your apathy is merely a self defence mechanism from the cruelty the world has subjected you to, but it's not who you are. You have love in your heart somewhere I reckon.

 

[Deleted member 18214]

Rope to cope

 

[Vermilioncore]

Many men suffer day and night