Fancy Alcoholic
Living by the name
★★★★★
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2020
- Posts
- 12,758
I didn't post much during the past months. Actually, I don't really know why. I guess it has something to do with this whole ataraxia delirium.
I feel like I'm absent of my life. If my body is here, my mind is elsewhere. I don't know how to explain, but I don't enjoy the moment, nor anything at all to be honest. Even my memories are stained by what I know of reality, which means not idealized, which also means rewritten through the lense of my fully aware adult mind. This feeling is a burden of all time, all moments.
In fact I feel less and less sexual urge. To the point where I almost force myself to watch porn in order to fap and fullfill my physiological needs once a day. But I feel less and less involved in the process, and in fact I do not care anymore. Depression leads to this state of peace of mind where nothing really matters after all, life is shit, but who cares. The irony is that in the end, this state of things does feel kinda lifefuel to me, while it would be considered the opposite by most neurotypicucks.
Idk how to feel about it boyos.
I feel like I'm absent of my life. If my body is here, my mind is elsewhere. I don't know how to explain, but I don't enjoy the moment, nor anything at all to be honest. Even my memories are stained by what I know of reality, which means not idealized, which also means rewritten through the lense of my fully aware adult mind. This feeling is a burden of all time, all moments.
In fact I feel less and less sexual urge. To the point where I almost force myself to watch porn in order to fap and fullfill my physiological needs once a day. But I feel less and less involved in the process, and in fact I do not care anymore. Depression leads to this state of peace of mind where nothing really matters after all, life is shit, but who cares. The irony is that in the end, this state of things does feel kinda lifefuel to me, while it would be considered the opposite by most neurotypicucks.
Idk how to feel about it boyos.