I may have done something that I deem brutal today.
I am at work, cold day, clouds blocking the sun, I left my caravan office (it's a camp for a site) and headed to another one, in the meanwhile I forgot to close the door, when I came back a strong rotten meat odor mixed with urinous ammonia stench hit my nostrils, when I glanced to the source of it on my left I saw this dog, was torn up, bleeding and shaking uncontrollably.
I wanted the dog to get out, I think I did because of the odor, or that my caravan was too clean for this, so I just shoo'd it off by clapping my hands, he kept staring at me and at the door while shaking, after a solid minute, he understood the assignment and went out, and I believe he understood it way before than that but was hesitant to go out.
After that, when I was trying to get out he was waiting trying to get in but he looked worse with his eyes getting greyer.
What I found pitty in and possibly upset me is that I basically shoo'd him off when he was looking for a warm place to die peacefully, now he's in the open and probably doesn't feel safe, definitely feels more anxious regarding his death.
Truth is I don't think he was rabid or disease ridden, yes he looked dirty, torn up or even intimidating for some, but I'd be lying if I said I shoo'd him off for these reasons, the smell of my caravan eventually made more worth in this universe than a dog's yearning for a peaceful last moment.
The good thing is a short while after he went to lay somewhere else the clouds went away, the sun shone brightly and warmness filled the area, the sky was the most beautiful thing I've seen for years....It was one of those views you can only see once every 5 years
it got warm very quick, so I kind of hope that made it for him. I may not sleep thinking about this tonight.
The bad thing is it stilll smells even though he stayed there for only two minutes.
Do I feel guilt? answer may be uncomfortable for some but I really don't, chances are if this scenario happened over and over, I would still choose to kick him out.
I know you'll think I'm an unbearable edgy asshole but I never felt guilt or regret about anything I've done throughout my life, regardless, I do realize that what I did was somewhat cruel even regarding my deep hatred for canids, especially dogs, it does feel weird for someone like me, thinking a lot about this. this memory, it was beautiful and ugly at the same time, fascinating to me.
at the time of writing this post (12 hours before posting) the dog was never seen again. rip I guess, or hope.
I am at work, cold day, clouds blocking the sun, I left my caravan office (it's a camp for a site) and headed to another one, in the meanwhile I forgot to close the door, when I came back a strong rotten meat odor mixed with urinous ammonia stench hit my nostrils, when I glanced to the source of it on my left I saw this dog, was torn up, bleeding and shaking uncontrollably.
I wanted the dog to get out, I think I did because of the odor, or that my caravan was too clean for this, so I just shoo'd it off by clapping my hands, he kept staring at me and at the door while shaking, after a solid minute, he understood the assignment and went out, and I believe he understood it way before than that but was hesitant to go out.
After that, when I was trying to get out he was waiting trying to get in but he looked worse with his eyes getting greyer.
What I found pitty in and possibly upset me is that I basically shoo'd him off when he was looking for a warm place to die peacefully, now he's in the open and probably doesn't feel safe, definitely feels more anxious regarding his death.
Truth is I don't think he was rabid or disease ridden, yes he looked dirty, torn up or even intimidating for some, but I'd be lying if I said I shoo'd him off for these reasons, the smell of my caravan eventually made more worth in this universe than a dog's yearning for a peaceful last moment.
The good thing is a short while after he went to lay somewhere else the clouds went away, the sun shone brightly and warmness filled the area, the sky was the most beautiful thing I've seen for years....It was one of those views you can only see once every 5 years
it got warm very quick, so I kind of hope that made it for him. I may not sleep thinking about this tonight.
The bad thing is it stilll smells even though he stayed there for only two minutes.
Do I feel guilt? answer may be uncomfortable for some but I really don't, chances are if this scenario happened over and over, I would still choose to kick him out.
I know you'll think I'm an unbearable edgy asshole but I never felt guilt or regret about anything I've done throughout my life, regardless, I do realize that what I did was somewhat cruel even regarding my deep hatred for canids, especially dogs, it does feel weird for someone like me, thinking a lot about this. this memory, it was beautiful and ugly at the same time, fascinating to me.
at the time of writing this post (12 hours before posting) the dog was never seen again. rip I guess, or hope.
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