Venting Conflicted about the future and the nature of hope

[Mr. Ponzi]

I saw a documentary on Charles Ponzi yesterday and it got me thinking about the nature of hope. It is what let him to wealth and also what lead to his downfall. He kept hoping things would turn out right for him. When he had the pyramid scheme going, he kept hoping he would actually invest the money in a real business and pay people back. After he got deported, he kept hoping things would turn around. He died in poverty.
I find myself very delusional about the future. In a way, I find it a good thing: it is what kept me going and taking risks and some of them paid off well. From another perspective however, I feel like I leave too much to chance and that circumstances might bring me a terrible fate. I feel like I am playing a con on myself and that I don't want to stop being fooled.
Does anyone feel the same?

 

[SchrodingersDick]

unreal amount of introspection. I feel the same way. hope for a brighter future keeps me alive. it dawned on me not too long ago that hope is all I have. without it, I am well past the suicide threshold. I fear that one day I will lose hope and commit suicide. and that brighter future seems more and more like an unattainable pipe dream with every passing day. It's either success proportional to the length of time x magnitude of my suffering, or suicide. there is no middle ground for someone who's suffered day in and day out for aslong as I can remember.