Serious Childhood nostalgia keeps me going

[Lebensmüder]

After puberty we get all the disadvantages of adulthood (e.g. having to work/study, having responsibilities, etc.) with almost none of the advantages (e.g. getting a partner, going through life together with others and experiencing something with them). Even if we educate ourselves or work we still remain as perpetual children, maturity in itself cannot be achieved due to the total lack of developmental milestones. While after puberty life becomes a dream for chad, a mostly neutral thing for the dwindling numbers of normies it becomes mostly a hell for us.
The only things I miss were the good moments of childhood in which I didn't have to care for anything and experienced some level of care and not just nothingness. When I just sat in the backseat of the car of my parents and could read whatever book I wanted without paying attention to anything, when I went up on a mountain for the first time in my life and looked down on the seas below, when I walked through the dunes at the Northern sea, when I watched a movie with my childhood friend in 1st grade, as I saw inside a cave for the first time (and encountered Olms as well as many prehistoric animal skeletons in the exposition) or as I saw the Mediterranean for the first real/conscious time. These were the days back then (even though I already had mental problems, spent time in psychiatries/therapies and was bullied). Sadly there was no possibility to freeze these moments and just stay like that forever without even knowing what you even missed out.
Now I rarely experience the magic of the world anymore. But I am still sometimes glad that I didn't rope, like as I discovered a new trail at a lake I visited as a child very often and found an entrance into a mountain path with unmatched beauty, as I found sundew and other carnivores in the moors or as I discovered an alpine maw beneath an alpine dock. In moments like this I still see some value in my life and sometimes even feel joy, if I had roped I would have denied myself that. But the magic of childhood is mostly lost; only rarely shimmers of real hope flicker throguh. Still most of the time my anger/hatred/sadness is fueled by working and direct exposure to society, if I could just go away to the mountains/moors whenever I want my life would be better, this is the only place where I am not constantly plagued by intrusive thoughts and can successfully occupy myself as well making a regression back to a life where things like knowledge about sexuality/romantic love/what you are missing out didn't exist. For me these safe places are the only reason to keep going. I wish aging didn't exist and that my dog/my parents were just frozen in the better times of the early 2000s instead of going through life as we do.

 

[Deleted member 33893]

with almost none of the advantages

I can't even think of a single advantage of puberty and adulthood, After 18 it's especially brutal when there are so many legal consequences for every little thing.
Sure I can drive a car but that's not even a plus because to own and maintain one you really need a stable job. I could drive a moped at 16 which gets you as far as you really need to go. How society expects me to work and be "adult" despite being child like in experience with women is beyond me.

Still most of the time my anger/hatred/sadness is fueled by working and direct exposure to society, if I could just go away to the mountains/moors whenever I want my life would be better, this is the only place where I am not constantly plagued by intrusive thoughts and can successfully occupy myself as well making a regression back to a life where things like knowledge about sexuality/romantic love/what you are missing out didn't exist. For me these safe places are the only reason to keep going. I wish aging didn't exist and that my dog/my parents were just frozen in the better times of the early 2000s instead of going through life as we do.

Leaving society is on my mind a lot but it's impossible to pull off. Normies have destroyed European nature to a point where there are not enough animals in nature to live in the woods. You can't legally hunt anything unless you're in a hunting family and take only x amount of animals during y season. You can't hunt near people and you have to report every single shot you fire in the wild.

The more realistic way is to own my own farm. I don't hate farmwork but I would need like 200.000€ even in my shitty country to be a farmer and I would have to keep dealing with people in order to have my equipment fixed and to buy seeds and fertilizer and everything else.

 

[BornToLose]

After puberty we get all the disadvantages of adulthood (e.g. having to work/study, having responsibilities, etc.) with almost none of the advantages (e.g. getting a partner, going through life together with others and experiencing something with them).

Good line. For me alcohol is the only advantage I can think of, and even that of course leads to problems.

 

[your personality]

After puberty we get all the disadvantages of adulthood (e.g. having to work/study, having responsibilities, etc.) with almost none of the advantages (e.g. getting a partner, going through life together with others and experiencing something with them). Even if we educate ourselves or work we still remain as perpetual children, maturity in itself cannot be achieved due to the total lack of developmental milestones. While after puberty life becomes a dream for chad, a mostly neutral thing for the dwindling numbers of normies it becomes mostly a hell for us.
The only things I miss were the good moments of childhood in which I didn't have to care for anything and experienced some level of care and not just nothingness. When I just sat in the backseat of the car of my parents and could read whatever book I wanted without paying attention to anything, when I went up on a mountain for the first time in my life and looked down on the seas below, when I walked through the dunes at the Northern sea, when I watched a movie with my childhood friend in 1st grade, as I saw inside a cave for the first time (and encountered Olms as well as many prehistoric animal skeletons in the exposition) or as I saw the Mediterranean for the first real/conscious time. These were the days back then (even though I already had mental problems, spent time in psychiatries/therapies and was bullied). Sadly there was no possibility to freeze these moments and just stay like that forever without even knowing what you even missed out.
Now I rarely experience the magic of the world anymore. But I am still sometimes glad that I didn't rope, like as I discovered a new trail at a lake I visited as a child very often and found an entrance into a mountain path with unmatched beauty, as I found sundew and other carnivores in the moors or as I discovered an alpine maw beneath an alpine dock. In moments like this I still see some value in my life and sometimes even feel joy, if I had roped I would have denied myself that. But the magic of childhood is mostly lost; only rarely shimmers of real hope flicker throguh. Still most of the time my anger/hatred/sadness is fueled by working and direct exposure to society, if I could just go away to the mountains/moors whenever I want my life would be better, this is the only place where I am not constantly plagued by intrusive thoughts and can successfully occupy myself as well making a regression back to a life where things like knowledge about sexuality/romantic love/what you are missing out didn't exist. For me these safe places are the only reason to keep going. I wish aging didn't exist and that my dog/my parents were just frozen in the better times of the early 2000s instead of going through life as we do.

I undestand the appeal but I'm reminded of this brutal thread by @BlkPillPres
https://incels.is/threads/having-a-childhood-is-not-a-good-thing-for-incels-its-not-something-you-should-look-back-fondly-on.152282/


The sad thing is that as an incel you can't go back to coping with childhood or you will be looked down on even more and you will get tired of how dystopian and the cruel the world feels. Childhood is a time when you had more optimism and naivety. Both are characteristics that will get you stepped on IRL not only as an adolescent but particularly as an adult incel.

 

[unsettling]

i cant relate as my childhood was shit

 

[Oldcelloner38]

Didnt really read sorry ,but I had a good child hood,I was actually cute and loved myself and was able to meet friends easily as a kid. Whole different life before 13.

 

[ordinaryotaku]

I can definitely relate with you on that one, tbh. My childhood, aside from my parents fighting every single damn day, was pretty solid. Got to see a lot of things, had many friends (and was one of the "popular kids" in elementary school), and had a lot of fond memories, up until I moved away from all of my friends. A bit later, around 2011-2012, was when I was in middle school, that was when the "maturity phase" began.

From then on, I set no social milestones at all. Did absolutely nothing in middle school and high school, and it didn't help that I was fat in middle school, until I lost it all at the beginning of high school, but it did absolutely nothing to appease my situation. Throughout high school, I never got picked on, and no one ever talked to me. My situation was [subjectively] leagues worse than being overtly bullied, said situation being that I was basically on spectator mode 24/7 -- hearing and seeing everything and everyone progress around me, achieving social milestones, watching time pass very fast, while I simply settled within the confinements of my own head, and my only cope of not going mentally fucking insane was to play games after school. No way to redeem myself and fight back if I got bullied, no way to make friends, it was actual hell, especially hearing everyone else around you talk about making out or having sex for the first time.

Oh yeah, I was not anti-social in the slightest, and in fact, many people referred to me as being very social before all of this shit unfolded. I attempted to make social contact many, many times with my classmates, and to absolutely no avail. Any time I talked to or tried to befriend anyone, or even made any social contact at all when I was in high school, my attempts were immediately met with negativity (which basically consisted of telling me to screw off or go away), so I simply got into the habit of not speaking unless I was asked to. All this shit genuinely made me suicidal, and like again, I consider that LEAGUES worse than any typical, overt bullying.

The silver lining was that I did eventually make friends, but by that time, it was late junior year, and we really never had any social gatherings outside of school or Steam. And of course I had to move away from them again after high school, so now I'm back to square one. Nice.

As a result, I honestly feel like I haven't truly mentally aged past when I was 12 years old -- when I started to become miserable. I even play the games that I looked through in gaming magazines (or that I pirated, but I only did that for a couple of titles) from the early 2000s until 2013, that I never actually got to play back then, because my parents were overprotective. I'm extremely picky on playing modern games, I only play certain titles, and especially the ones I saw in said magazines. I don't consume any media, but if I do, it is something that I was interested in as a kid or something that I watched as a kid. Some may see this all as pathetic, but at the end of the day, it wasn't my choice to be mass ostracized.

 

[Lebensmüder]

I can definitely relate with you on that one, tbh. My childhood, aside from my parents fighting every single damn day, was pretty solid. Got to see a lot of things, had many friends (and was one of the "popular kids" in elementary school), and had a lot of fond memories, up until I moved away from all of my friends. A bit later, around 2011-2012, was when I was in middle school, that was when the "maturity phase" began.

From then on, I set no social milestones at all. Did absolutely nothing in middle school and high school, and it didn't help that I was fat in middle school, until I lost it all at the beginning of high school, but it did absolutely nothing to appease my situation. Throughout high school, I never got picked on, and no one ever talked to me. My situation was [subjectively] leagues worse than being overtly bullied, said situation being that I was basically on spectator mode 24/7 -- hearing and seeing everything and everyone progress around me, achieving social milestones, watching time pass very fast, while I simply settled within the confinements of my own head, and my only cope of not going mentally fucking insane was to play games after school. No way to redeem myself and fight back if I got bullied, no way to make friends, it was actual hell, especially hearing everyone else around you talk about making out or having sex for the first time.

Oh yeah, I was not anti-social in the slightest, and in fact, many people referred to me as being very social before all of this shit unfolded. I attempted to make social contact many, many times with my classmates, and to absolutely no avail. Any time I talked to or tried to befriend anyone, or even made any social contact at all when I was in high school, my attempts were immediately met with negativity (which basically consisted of telling me to screw off or go away), so I simply got into the habit of not speaking unless I was asked to. All this shit genuinely made me suicidal, and like again, I consider that LEAGUES worse than any typical, overt bullying.

The silver lining was that I did eventually make friends, but by that time, it was late junior year, and we really never had any social gatherings outside of school or Steam. And of course I had to move away from them again after high school, so now I'm back to square one. Nice.

As a result, I honestly feel like I haven't truly mentally aged past when I was 12 years old -- when I started to become miserable. I even play the games that I looked through in gaming magazines (or that I pirated, but I only did that for a couple of titles) from the early 2000s until 2013, that I never actually got to play back then, because my parents were overprotective. I'm extremely picky on playing modern games, I only play certain titles, and especially the ones I saw in said magazines. I don't consume any media, but if I do, it is something that I was interested in as a kid or something that I watched as a kid. Some may see this all as pathetic, but at the end of the day, it wasn't my choice to be mass ostracized.

Brutal. Especially the middle school part. Was basically the same for me.

 

[mentally lost cel 1]

I wish aging didn't exist and that my dog/my parents were just frozen in the better times of the early 2000s instead of going through life as we do.

Early 2000s were so good for me too ,so much fun in my childhood…. Nostalgia is brutal

 

[Lebensmüder]

Early 2000s were so good for me too ,so much fun in my childhood…. Nostalgia is brutal

This tbh. They were good times with better music in the radio (still not as good as in the 80s) and they were easy.

 

[Emba]

I remember my bluepilled days...

So optimistic... Etc.

 

[mentally lost cel 1]

This tbh. They were good times with better music in the radio (still not as good as in the 80s) and they were easy.

It was so fucking different and good

 

[Sigma]

Sounds like mountainman-maxxing is your destiny

 

[HenkkaH]

Well written OP.

I had the best nostalgic vibes on LSD, I felt like a kid again.