This is a lesson I should have learned between 9 and 10 years ago.
When I was 16. And I geuss 17 there was the whole COD 4 remastered. And I thought it was gonna be a decent time. And what I didnt know is that IW is alot more fun for me then MWR. And I got reminded on how bland COD 4 multiplayer is. And technicly how bland BO1 multiplayer is but back on that later. And wile I could have played watchdogs 2, COD IW, problably other more fun games at the time. I thought COD 4 and BF1 were best of 2016. I though they were fun when I was bullshitting my self. I could have had better then what I had back then.
Sadly I forgot that lesson. As I rushed to get the BO1 re-port. I thought that it would be a fun fucking time. In reality I was chasing a past. A past that was technicly a lie. The happyest time in my child hood was when I was 11 living at ellensburg. It was a fucking illusion. Temperary. Turns out mom hated living in a area thats not SJW freindly. And another reason of why I geuss I was so happy was because I was so fucking oblivous. For context my brain was problably way the fuck behind everyone elses at the time. It was problably the closest thing I could get to being high without touching a fucking drug.
I didnt know my brain was that behind until I saw the scatter cluster fuck of things I made during that time. I problably had the brain of a caffinated 5 year old but in a 10 year old body back then. Despite being 11.
What was nice about my time in ellensburg? The desert? The lack of ghetto shit headed fuckers? I dont know. But I do know this. Innocence is a lie. Thinking about it now. In the past I couldnt do the shit I could now. I was kinda entrapped. Due to my mom having the mindset of both a asian parrent and a niggress mom. She was controlling. Chore gouging. She likes to lie.
But remind your self that the past isnt always better. You just didnt knkw better. You possibly dont know better now. Wile my job at amazon is fucking AIDS. I still have it better now then what I thought was my happyest times in the past. I got my own SUV though flawed. I got a ps5. My dream silenced pistol. 2 AR15S & night vision for prepping. Granted I dont have a real use for it.
Remember to not chase the past. As its easy to forget the shitty sides of it. Hopefully I can make a better future and go to utah. Leaving this wastland of WA behind. But I do have some nasty resistance upon me. Job market is fucking shit due to migration.
As I do the once in a wile BO1 session on multiplayer. It just feels dead despite the player base. The fun is diluted. I enjoy newer shit dare I say. Hell I even prefer the MW23 and MW22 games on the ps5.
Then again. Nastalgia might be somthing the wish granter uses againts its victims. After all the wish granter lies. And I geuss so deos the "happy past". Be carefull as the flash back trip is another product of the wish granter. Anywho Imma go back to struggling to fall asleep.
When I was 16. And I geuss 17 there was the whole COD 4 remastered. And I thought it was gonna be a decent time. And what I didnt know is that IW is alot more fun for me then MWR. And I got reminded on how bland COD 4 multiplayer is. And technicly how bland BO1 multiplayer is but back on that later. And wile I could have played watchdogs 2, COD IW, problably other more fun games at the time. I thought COD 4 and BF1 were best of 2016. I though they were fun when I was bullshitting my self. I could have had better then what I had back then.
Sadly I forgot that lesson. As I rushed to get the BO1 re-port. I thought that it would be a fun fucking time. In reality I was chasing a past. A past that was technicly a lie. The happyest time in my child hood was when I was 11 living at ellensburg. It was a fucking illusion. Temperary. Turns out mom hated living in a area thats not SJW freindly. And another reason of why I geuss I was so happy was because I was so fucking oblivous. For context my brain was problably way the fuck behind everyone elses at the time. It was problably the closest thing I could get to being high without touching a fucking drug.
I didnt know my brain was that behind until I saw the scatter cluster fuck of things I made during that time. I problably had the brain of a caffinated 5 year old but in a 10 year old body back then. Despite being 11.
What was nice about my time in ellensburg? The desert? The lack of ghetto shit headed fuckers? I dont know. But I do know this. Innocence is a lie. Thinking about it now. In the past I couldnt do the shit I could now. I was kinda entrapped. Due to my mom having the mindset of both a asian parrent and a niggress mom. She was controlling. Chore gouging. She likes to lie.
But remind your self that the past isnt always better. You just didnt knkw better. You possibly dont know better now. Wile my job at amazon is fucking AIDS. I still have it better now then what I thought was my happyest times in the past. I got my own SUV though flawed. I got a ps5. My dream silenced pistol. 2 AR15S & night vision for prepping. Granted I dont have a real use for it.
Remember to not chase the past. As its easy to forget the shitty sides of it. Hopefully I can make a better future and go to utah. Leaving this wastland of WA behind. But I do have some nasty resistance upon me. Job market is fucking shit due to migration.
As I do the once in a wile BO1 session on multiplayer. It just feels dead despite the player base. The fun is diluted. I enjoy newer shit dare I say. Hell I even prefer the MW23 and MW22 games on the ps5.
Then again. Nastalgia might be somthing the wish granter uses againts its victims. After all the wish granter lies. And I geuss so deos the "happy past". Be carefull as the flash back trip is another product of the wish granter. Anywho Imma go back to struggling to fall asleep.
