She left me for him.
Edit: This may very well be triggering to some of you folks, proceed with caution.
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I have been overwhelmed these last few months reading the experiences of many of the users here, my own seems to pale in both gravity and detail when I reflect upon it, but has left an indelible personal effect upon the core of my identity.
We had been together for several years, let's call her S, and was my last significant partner. We had met when we were both in school and what eventually came to pass happened a year after S had graduated. She couldn't find anything within her field here, nothing at her experience level, but in another city several hours away she finally did find a firm that would take her on as an Engineer working in a field she loved.
It was all to convenient that we had friends still in school there, our financial situation wasn't the greatest at the time seeing this was during the last great recession that never seemed to end. This is where I'll briefly introduce you to A, an acquaintance let's say. I was never really super fond of him, was loud, forward and sort of a dick. I figure now I was mostly just insecure, he had a reputation of being a bit of 'PUA bro'.
He had hit on S several times, a lot actually, and I'll admit the situation made me a little nervous but I was all the more secure with my trust in S. So big deal, they'd be living together in a shared house for a couple years, there was a couple we knew there, and one other random girl too. No sweat.
That changed over the course of the winter break, the couple bought a house and the girl just never ended up coming back after going home for Christmas. I suppose that should have been a warning but A had been behaved towards S until then, she'd never really mentioned anything about him and he never gave me any grief when I was visiting outside his normal posturing.
Everything continued going fine for the next couple months, S and I spoke regularly and every weekend we could get away was spent together. It was actually near our anniversary in the late spring that our first long weekend was spent apart. S was super busy at work and could spare the energy to drive out to me, and I had taken some extra shifts at my job to get a little more money saved up to buy a house.
S was under a lot of stress at work, I could tell she was starting to burn out trying to keep up, woman in a mans career and all that. It was hard sometimes, a lot of late night conversations had been spent about her waxing on about the characters she worked with that made life difficult.
I don't know how much that played a role.
Anyway, she had her friends and former roommates there and they were to spend that weekend decompressing, my last message to S that weekend was wishing her a safe and fun night.
That was the last I heard from her all weekend. It wasn't until Tuesday that following week that I got a quick messaging apologizing, all she had said was that she was really sick and in bed but not to worry because a friend was there to take care of her. I regret not going to see her that week.
The week passed, then nearly the next before she called. We spoke for a couple hours like we normally had, but I could tell she was a little off. She told me it was because of work, and that she was tired. I had asked if she had burned out, S had responded that maybe she had.
It was weird for a couple months after that, we spoke less regularly, when we visited we seldom had sex and it wasn't as 'good' as it used to be. Despite my best efforts it was impossible to get S to tell me what was up, just that it was work related and that she was tired.
It wasn't until the summer that S told me that A had raped her, and after begging her for days she finally reported it. The decision went disastrously, as you can imagine, it divided our friends and caused weeks of stress all for S to refuse to testify to her statement when asked, I had even used our savings to hire our own lawyer to prepare S for trial.
It was in one of those meetings that S had confessed that a lot of her statement wasn't true, that A hadn't raped her when she said he had, that it had happened months before after going out for drinks, and that she had lived with, and slept with, him since.
Things weren't going to work out. The charges were stayed, A had to stay away from S for a year, and S from A.
It was a couple weeks after that confession that S finally had the courage to tell me the full story, I don't know what had brought it on, we were in bed, laying silently awake as we had often come to do. S told me how A had brought her home that weekend in the spring, she was a little drunk and A was hitting on her a little more than he usually did. was surprised he was at all, she had never mentioned it aftercall.
Apparently he had enough of living with S, and I'll admit I would too, S was the most stunning woman I had ever been with, A liked to remind me that she was out of my league.
He took her, tied her hands the headboard of his bed and raped her the entire night, she said she had woken up several times to him using her. He eventually untied her and she spent the next day in bed, A all but treating her like garbage until he felt like fucking her again.
This went on all weekend, and come Tuesday she called in sick. She slept for most that week, hardly eating, hardly showering. She didn't dare leave A's room, as he had struck her several times when early on she had the courage to try.
She called in the next week, then the next, until finally all she did was stay at home and smoke pot. I imagine it was to A's amusement that he had done this to my girlfriend.
For months they lived like this, A basically treating S like his live in fuckbuddy until S finally got the courage to try to tell me what had happened.
The last thing she had said on all this, sobbing at this point, was that he had made her do and say things, and that she was sorry.
She begged to be forgiven. I don't like admitting it, and I leave this part out when I talk to my close friends, is that S telling me this made me really hard. Literally the hardest I had ever been.
S and I had sex that night, and she did things I never imagined her doing. Begged me to use her, to degrade her, to make her hurt. I obliged, I don't know why I did, but I did.
And even though I had just used her anally, after I had finished she went down on me and sucked on my prick until I fell asleep.
She wouldn't speak to me the next day, and before the end of the week she was gone and out of my life without a word.
The final hurt was several months later, when checking S's profile through a friend I had kept of hers, I checked it and saw her relationship status changed. She was with A.
I've been pretty... lost since then, sexually. Only this really gets me off, it feels sorta toxic sometimes, but I've survived.
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Post Edit:
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So, a lot of messages all coming back to some similar things. Firstly, I hate boats now, despise them, so keep your fishing expeditions to yourself; no pictures, no additional details, etc etc. Secondly, I'm fine, really really cross my heart hope to die. I'm not a literal human wreck anymore, just a partial wreck, I go to most my counselling sessions and everything.
