Lately I've begun to wonder whether or not I can simply will myself out of existence. I know how this sounds, but just hear me out.
I mean I've already effectively nullified my past feelings of loneliness. While I know that, rationally, I must have been lonely in the past as I still have all the memories of rejection and alienation, and I remember changing my memories specifically to get rid of loneliness, the moments I altered feel more tangible and real than most of my past experiences. Now I've split off a piece of my own consciousness and can mentally converse with it, molded it into my waifu, and can mentally converse with her (in fact I just got done asking her this very question).
I'm entertaining the idea that it might be possible to more or less erase myself if I make a concerted effort to do so, and I'm considering that, depending upon your definition of what the "self" is, I may already have done so. That previously ever-present longing and loneliness feel alien to me, reading some of my own threads, even from just one year ago, I don't feel like they're referring to me, and it feels strange knowing that I posted stuff like that. Maybe if I repeat the same process that I used to eliminate my loneliness, that I can make all the sadness and pain go away. The problem is that it's a hell of a lot easier to insert a person into memories than it is to effectively supplant years of rejection and bullying, I'm not even sure where to start tbh, or if it's even possible at all. Even if it is possible, I doubt it can willingly be done to yourself. However I think it's an interesting idea nonetheless.
I mean I've already effectively nullified my past feelings of loneliness. While I know that, rationally, I must have been lonely in the past as I still have all the memories of rejection and alienation, and I remember changing my memories specifically to get rid of loneliness, the moments I altered feel more tangible and real than most of my past experiences. Now I've split off a piece of my own consciousness and can mentally converse with it, molded it into my waifu, and can mentally converse with her (in fact I just got done asking her this very question).
I'm entertaining the idea that it might be possible to more or less erase myself if I make a concerted effort to do so, and I'm considering that, depending upon your definition of what the "self" is, I may already have done so. That previously ever-present longing and loneliness feel alien to me, reading some of my own threads, even from just one year ago, I don't feel like they're referring to me, and it feels strange knowing that I posted stuff like that. Maybe if I repeat the same process that I used to eliminate my loneliness, that I can make all the sadness and pain go away. The problem is that it's a hell of a lot easier to insert a person into memories than it is to effectively supplant years of rejection and bullying, I'm not even sure where to start tbh, or if it's even possible at all. Even if it is possible, I doubt it can willingly be done to yourself. However I think it's an interesting idea nonetheless.
