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"By means of this love I then have a different apprehension of my alienation"



Nov 20, 2017
Sartre said:
By means of this love I then have a different apprehension of my alienation and of my own facticity. My facticity - as for others - is no longer a fact but a right. My existence is because it is given a name. I am because I give myself away. [...]

Whereas before being loved we were uneasy about that unjustified, unjustifiable protuberance which was our existence, whereas we felt ourselves "de trop," [ unnecessary; redundant; superfluous; needless; supernumerary; surplus; excess ] we now feel that our existence is taken up and willed even in its tiniest details by an absolute freedom [i.e. that of the one who loves us][a] which at the same time our existence conditions [since it is our existence that fascinates our lover][a] and which we ourselves will with our freedom. This is the basis for the joy of love when there is joy: we feel that our existence is justified. 

it is important to note that, if the beloved gives herself to him, the lover experiences a profound alteration in his being: his life gains meaning. By gaining a sense of existential importance, love makes the lover happy and is one of the main reasons why he, and we in general, seek the experience of love on a continuous basis. In love, we are not lost in existence devoid of an anchor but suddenly become that anchor for another; suddenly we matter. ‘This is the basis for the joy of love when there is joy: we feel that our existence is justified’ (ibid: p390).This is one aspect of Sartre’s account that is illuminating, insofar as it highlights the profound effect that being loved by another has on our being. The world suddenly feels different; we engage with things differently. Suddenly we matter and this attitude reflects through all of our actions. -

Being loved by another conscious being grounds us in the world, that feeling of anxiety ceases as soon as a conscious being in the world addresses us, explores us, and accepts us as a total conscious being. We feel drawn in to the world, we feel real, and the unease ceases. A stranger has encountered us as some thing in the world unknown to them, they access everything we offer to them, they explore it, and they accept it, they desire it, they want it to exist. 

For those who have been loved, and will be loved again, they have already been grounded in the world once and will be again. Even if it's all ultimately an illusion and inferior form of justification, it's an illusion others enjoy. For us undesired and socially dangerous no-value males who can make people doubt their own value in the world, we don't even get the failed project of love and never taste the illusion.

Sartre wrote about that nearly 80 years ago. This exploration of being loved and desired by the other was at least addressed in Sartre as something more than the need to go to the gym and get a hobby playing the kazoo.  We are the broken products of an extremely shallow and psychologically reductionist culture, a true wasteland.