The trauma I've endured as a child and up to today make me constantly feel unsafe, anxious and despairful. My brain is being raped and mind broken every second of my existence. Just being alive feels like I'm being tormented and raped in my skull. I'm always experiencing derealization and I am never there in the present. My body is on autopilot and it's not like I'm even there. Every second feels like I'm being smashed violently in the head with a cement brick, all the thoughts I have are violent and I constantly think of harming myself and others (In Postal 2!)
I cannot get a therapist, I have no job, I never leave the house, and I'm broke. I can't afford a therapist and even so, I do not think therapy would be of help to me. Even now, I still get yelled at daily. I have grown up in an environment where witnessing fights and being yelled at and degraded was the norm. I really shouldn't go on like this. Even now as the trauma and torment continues, I won't kill myself because I just don't feel like it. If I had a full-proof suicide method then I would have done it long ago.
I cannot get a therapist, I have no job, I never leave the house, and I'm broke. I can't afford a therapist and even so, I do not think therapy would be of help to me. Even now, I still get yelled at daily. I have grown up in an environment where witnessing fights and being yelled at and degraded was the norm. I really shouldn't go on like this. Even now as the trauma and torment continues, I won't kill myself because I just don't feel like it. If I had a full-proof suicide method then I would have done it long ago.
