Venting BITCHES AND WHORES

[Sheogorath]

my sleep yet again interrupted, either of these terms serves to convey some emotional impact better than 'slut' for some reason
this is my intuition

I guess CUNTS might equally or slightly better hard to tell...

Yet why am I so fucking plural when there's just so frequently a sole focus...

I sometimes wonder if my world view is being unfairly shaped by a dominating minority of one I haven't escaped

feeling fuzzy and I should be trying to supplement my focus and consciousness with more sleep but instead I know the CREAKS will end it and make me madder so I just coffee up again

it won't reset... but before I go full blur I should catch up on my compulsions whre I can so maybe I could sleep early tonight... UGH

I know it's wrong to try to be unaccountable to my biases for this suffering but fuck it's easy to want to escape it for the STMOPING...

I need to be alone but there is no route which I do not fear it's potentials

 

[radishman]

I don't understand

 

[your personality]

.

 

[Sheogorath]

I don't understand

neither do I, barely fucking conscious, just fucking angry

moments like these are the most misogynistic I ever feel but also the moment when I perceive my misogyny to be the most unfair to the female population because I know it's not the entirety of them doing this to me

It's just one OTOH doubtful any majority of them would care enough to behave any better

it's confusing because abuse is mixed with nurture, it's a rollercoaster

I'm sure lots of males would be as apathetic or cruel to me too so I shouldn't make this about gender and I don't even know why my brain goes there

prob a lot how racism works you just jump to some simplistic trait to try and blame for an outcome a lot of the time.

It's not to say sexism and racism don't occasionally have legit points but a lot of the time they don't too

I guess best way to make sense of these brain impulses IMO is to put them into words and then look at them

this is how I've been taught to deal with cognitive distorrtions that can crep up in thinking when I am depressed or otherwise emotionally fucked up, I guess helps me focus and calms my down, though the meds kicking in might be helping too

I should've taken the sleeping pill last night, does seem to hepl, though I don't know if it's an abslute guarantee to sleep through this fucking GARBAGE behavior...

I should feel like a bad selfish guy for not wanting a pill to boner my dick off into a blackened death I guess but that still literally wakes me up in terror when I take that pill if I get a stiffy

melatonin isn't strong enough to keep me down, and resetting my cycle doesn't seem to take after a day, least not if I fall behind in muh notes because I feel compelled to stay up until I have guaranteed caught up on them to avoid deleting my recordings

TBH hard to blame a foid for not wanting to fuck or even hug such as mess as myself at this moment and I feel like I would be hiding this past indefinitely and they would sense that.

and for parity if I want to be accepted while holding something back I should in tandem be tolerant of foids holding secrets back too

 

[AnotherInsertCel1]

Writing paragraphs with so many spaces can't be asked to read.

 

[mNFwTJ3wz9]

Real schizo hours, or I'm too low IQ to understand.
Probably a bit of both.

 

[Sheogorath]

Writing paragraphs with so many spaces can't be asked to read.

you would hate it more if I didn't space like a newfag

Real schizo hours, or I'm too low IQ to understand.
Probably a bit of both.

yes probably

but you guys are real right? you're not just voices in my head? so not shizo

it's only schizo if you're NPCs or this forum isn't real

but TBH sometimes I dunno

 

[mNFwTJ3wz9]

you guys are real right?

sadly yes

 

[Kevin Logan]

Writing paragraphs with so many spaces can't be asked to read.

 

[Deleted member 19236]

Okay

 

[Sheogorath]

you guys would be even less likely to read if i had merged paragaphs