N
Notkev
In-a-prison-of-my-own-making-cel
★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2023
- Posts
- 329
Oneitis will eat you alive thinking about them a lot and knowing simultaneously that you couldn't be with them.
I HATE this. I wish I had nevER met this girl. Wish I never saw her that day and never had to be in the same uni and classes as her. Sure, I've never been happy in my life, but I was in a better place mentally and physically when I didn't have feelings for anyone (at the time) and wasn't blackpilled yet.
And yet, I still yearn for that smile...
The smile that I for the life of me couldn't get out of her.
I miss this girl who couldn't care less about my existence.
I was actually moving on from her slowly. Things were getting better. But then she had to ruin it all by giving me false hope in the form of sending me a "happy birthday" DM. Only to turn me down and be dry after I tried to have a conversation with her over text. She had no reason to do that, we're not even friends. She either played with me or feels some sort of pity towards me.
I'm tired of this longing.
There's no point in having feelings or sexual desires if people wouldn't look at you for more than 3 seconds even if you paid them.
I'm tired of this. Being depressed. Sad. Lonely. Ugly. I really am. I just want a break. My mind is killing me slowly. I've lost too much weight over the last year and look like a skeleton. Lost appetite. Have just let my hair grow without going to the barber or taking care of it.
At this point I'm surprised I don't smoke and am not addicted to alcohol.
I can't think straight anymore. I'm overwhelmed by all the thoughts, some of them, often violent and vicious. It's hard to focus. I'm struggling with my academics as a result. The one fucking thing that I was actually good at in life.
I'm tired. Give me a break. I never chose to have these feelings. I wish I never did. There's no point to this. She doesn't want me. But my fucking brain doesn't accept it. It wants her still. I want her. And I hate the fact that I do.
I'm barely friends with any of these people in uni.
I never belonged with the "Normal" people. Never gave a fuck about soccer (what's even so interesting about this goddamn sport)
people act respectfully in uni now. And it's only because I heightmog them and have nearly snapped a few times. But it changes nothing. I'm still the weirdo outcast. That never changed.
She's beautiful and smart. That innocent-looking smile of hers is enough to cheer anybody up.
She's capable, and does rock climbing.
But she's not special. No. But my brain for some reason picked her over all the other ones.
But she doesn't care about me. Fuck this. I only have myself and my crappy genes to blame. I hate that I feel this way.
Make sure you never catch feelings for a girl.
I just want to make enough money to sustain myself and my few hobbies without wanting to die everyday.
I HATE this. I wish I had nevER met this girl. Wish I never saw her that day and never had to be in the same uni and classes as her. Sure, I've never been happy in my life, but I was in a better place mentally and physically when I didn't have feelings for anyone (at the time) and wasn't blackpilled yet.
And yet, I still yearn for that smile...
The smile that I for the life of me couldn't get out of her.
I miss this girl who couldn't care less about my existence.
I was actually moving on from her slowly. Things were getting better. But then she had to ruin it all by giving me false hope in the form of sending me a "happy birthday" DM. Only to turn me down and be dry after I tried to have a conversation with her over text. She had no reason to do that, we're not even friends. She either played with me or feels some sort of pity towards me.
I'm tired of this longing.
There's no point in having feelings or sexual desires if people wouldn't look at you for more than 3 seconds even if you paid them.
I'm tired of this. Being depressed. Sad. Lonely. Ugly. I really am. I just want a break. My mind is killing me slowly. I've lost too much weight over the last year and look like a skeleton. Lost appetite. Have just let my hair grow without going to the barber or taking care of it.
At this point I'm surprised I don't smoke and am not addicted to alcohol.
I can't think straight anymore. I'm overwhelmed by all the thoughts, some of them, often violent and vicious. It's hard to focus. I'm struggling with my academics as a result. The one fucking thing that I was actually good at in life.
I'm tired. Give me a break. I never chose to have these feelings. I wish I never did. There's no point to this. She doesn't want me. But my fucking brain doesn't accept it. It wants her still. I want her. And I hate the fact that I do.
I'm barely friends with any of these people in uni.
I never belonged with the "Normal" people. Never gave a fuck about soccer (what's even so interesting about this goddamn sport)
people act respectfully in uni now. And it's only because I heightmog them and have nearly snapped a few times. But it changes nothing. I'm still the weirdo outcast. That never changed.
She's beautiful and smart. That innocent-looking smile of hers is enough to cheer anybody up.
She's capable, and does rock climbing.
But she's not special. No. But my brain for some reason picked her over all the other ones.
But she doesn't care about me. Fuck this. I only have myself and my crappy genes to blame. I hate that I feel this way.
Make sure you never catch feelings for a girl.
I just want to make enough money to sustain myself and my few hobbies without wanting to die everyday.