Venting Being demoralized while having OCD causes a weird predicament

[Destroyed lonely]

If you are ugly and not dumb, over time you'll realize the traditional sense of morality is fake af, the spectrum of privilege is too vast and the unfairness too extreme for there to be a logical universal holy system of reward and punishment, you'll realize you aren't gonna be punished for "sins", nobody ever is, it's all too nihilistic and everyone does whatever they CAN, it's easier to be a "good" person if you weren't ugly and underprivileged in the first place

BUT, the theoretical idea of eternal hell is still there in your mind, GOD may as well be a sadistic sick fuck looking for the stupidest retarded excuse to put you in hell after this life, that excuse COULD be stupid shit no one else notices, it could be just THAT, if you have OCD this idea gets attached to it and you feel like if you don't do certain retarded OCD activities you're giving consent to the devil to doom you, "what if hell is avoidable if I do just this stupid shit"

For example I really really really hate the numbers 13, 23 & 53, they instill a great sense of disgust and fear in me, I can "taste" these number and they taste extremely bitter and poisonous, every time I see these numbers I feel the need to avoid them, if the date, time, battery percentage, etc has these numbers in it I feel cursed, if I wake up in the morning and check my phone for time and it's 6:53 my whole day is ruined, I feel demotivated, paralyzed, and can't make any decisions in that day

So if God is real despite the apparent nihilism and meaninglessness of this world, FUCK YOU FAGGOT I hope YOU suffer motherfucker DIE DIE DIE

 

[Destroyed lonely]

@Bianor

 

[Bianor]

@Bianor

I really really really hate the number 53

 

[Bianor]

13, 23

 

[Destroyed lonely]

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Imagine you're on your death bed and at the last moment of your consciousness right before falling to nothingness you look at the clock on the wall and it says 13:23:53

 

[Destroyed lonely]

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The probability of the minute on the clock being these nums is 3 in 60 (1 in 20) right? but almost half the times I look at the time it's these little shits looking back at me

 

[Destroyed lonely]

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The probability of neither the hour, minute OR second being them is ²²⁄₂₄(h) × ¹⁹⁄₂₀(m) × ¹⁹⁄₂₀(s) which equates 0.82 so 82% of times looking at the clock you SHOULDN'T see them in any digits of the clock yet we see them a lot more than that

 

[Bianor]

Imagine you're on your death bed and at the last moment of your consciousness right before falling to nothingness you look at the clock on the wall and it says 13:23:53

The probability of neither the hour, minute OR second being them is ²²⁄₂₄(h) × ¹⁹⁄₂₀(m) × ¹⁹⁄₂₀(s) which equates 0.82 so 82% of times looking at the clock you SHOULDN'T see them in any digits of the clock yet we see them a lot more than that

I try to ignore it but it’s just always everywhere

 

[Bianor]

I try to ignore it but it’s just always everywhere

Now other numbers also make me think of 53

 

[Destroyed lonely]

I try to ignore it but it’s just always everywhere

The amount of times I wake up in the morning and the FIRST thing I see is X:13,23,53 is fucked up, like nigga CHILL TF OUT, or when I'm forced to make some major decisions I check the date and it's precisely THAT time of the month

 

[Destroyed lonely]

@incelerated

 

[incelerated]

DNR but I think God is real, and is either a woman or a Jew, and is infinitely sadistic.