Venting Being bullied and rejected as a kid ruined my mind

[Deleted member 8353]

Every time I check the date I find myself momentarily wondering why I'm not a teenager, it's as if I had some sort of mental break around 15 and my body ages but the rest of me never gets the message.

It was about that age, 15, that I willfully tried to distance myself from my past. I remember desperately attempting to convince myself that I was a different person that whoever it was that inhabited this body before that, in retrospect it was just a way for me to cope with past bullying and rejection (of course it didn't do me much good since everybody else still treated me the same). But then from 16-19 , I would feel "nostalgic" about the age when I "recreated" myself, as I fully bought my own bullshit at the time. In reality it was in my mid teens when I began my decade long period of (mostly forced) isolation which just seems to get progressively worse and more inescapable, yet I invented the idea that I had a very happy year in the past, and maybe by comparison I did, but it was still mostly bullshit.

However, whatever it was that happened to my mind at that age seems to have permanently fucked me up, and it's made disassociate constantly to the point where very little feels real anymore. I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up, but I never do, feels like I'm slowly going insane. In fact the experiences that I construct within my own head feel more "real" and genuine than anything experienced within the 3D, irl world.

 

[Deleted member 12355]

I can really relate to the nothing feeling real part. In my mind, I could almost just as well not be conscious at the time of writing this, like this could be a dream that's been going on for months unend. My only connection to reality is through a thin veil of perception and sensations that barely feel like anything at all. Like I'm in a state of numbness yet somehow aware and feeling

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I can really relate to the nothing feeling real part. In my mind, I could almost just as well not be conscious at the time of writing this, like this could be a dream that's been going on for months unend. My only connection to reality is through a thin veil of perception and sensations that barely feel like anything at all. Like I'm in a state of numbness yet somehow aware and feeling

Yeah, I don't really feel anything either when experiencing shit in the real world, even escapism like video games barely work or do anything for me anymore. I'm usually quite happy when I can concentrate and live in my own inner world, but aside from that I'd rather not be conscious.

 

[mcfroggy]

You had a trauma and your mind stays in that age to try to get you to 'fix' the problem. Tbh even after reading self help and going to psychologist (fuckers) nothing changed. I still feel empty and disconnected, but I can fake being normal a bit better. My daydreams make me more emotional than things IRL.

 

[FrothySolutions]

Of course it did. This is what people don't understand about the causes of inceldom.

 

[Bazinga]

This is the point where you kys basically. It'll never get better and your life is permanently ruined. I feel the same thing happening to me.

 

[ForlornOne]

Everyday I recall these painful memories and i'm full of anger, i want to smash these fuckers who bullied me during my youth

 

[ChronicPaincel]

I feel the same thing happening to me.

 

[StaroRavager]

This is the point where you kys basically. It'll never get better and your life is permanently ruined. I feel the same thing happening to me.

 

[acnescarcel]

i think everyone has a period they wish they could go back to. mine would be before i got acne.

 

[IAmWhatYouMadeMe9]

Reminder that all the girls who bullied you have had boyfriends their entire lives and all the boys who bullied you get sex from the girls, because girls love having sex with bully Chads.

But personalty tehe

 

[Deleted member 16608]

Sounds like PTSD. Esp. if you were bullied/abused over a sustained period of time (years).

 

[Deleted member 14866]

being bullied and outcasted during formative years like those are the main reason why were "awkward" and "high inhib"

 

[IAmWhatYouMadeMe9]

What?
You mean being hated and rejected during your formative years has long lasting consequences?
You mean that there's a cost to pay if you're not socialised (or, specifically, you're not allowed to be socialised because you were born ugly)?
You mean that is stings that those who bullied and ruined you get to have all of the experiences they denied you from having?

Wow you're such an extremist bro.

 

[Nothingness]

Maybe you have to be more instinctive more primitive?

 

[GreaseCel]

Maybe you have to be more instinctive more primitive?

Primitive would explain a lot about you're state of mind my good friend. I love you

 

[Evildоer]

It'll never get better and your life is permanently ruined.

I've accepted that as a fact, and now society has to pay for it.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

This is the point where you kys basically. It'll never get better and your life is permanently ruined. I feel the same thing happening to me.

I'm not going to rope until my parents die tbh.

Sounds like PTSD. Esp. if you were bullied/abused over a sustained period of time (years).

I was, and it very well could be an expression of PTSD, but I'm not sure.

 

[Nothingness]

Just psychopatmax bro . you will bave a lot of fun.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Just psychopatmax bro . you will bave a lot of fun.

I'm too high inhib for that I think.

 

[Deleted member 1042]

Do you maladaptive daydream? I notice children from these types of situation tend to over indulge in this.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Do you maladaptive daydream? I notice children from these types of situation tend to over indulge in this.

I used to, in fact I still do, but now it's far more intentional and focused than that tbh.

 

[TheUnfortunateLad]

Same, being bullied all throughout school has permafucked my self-image. I never wanted to admit it had lasting effects but it absolutely did. I never feel good enough.

 

[Deleted member 19236]

I feel for you. Those animals deserve nothing but the worst suffering in this world
I will never forget what they did to me, maybe i will appear at their cozy homes, lock the door and burn every animal inside.(FUck YOu FBI)

 

[Deleted member 8884]

Every time I check the date I find myself momentarily wondering why I'm not a teenager, it's as if I had some sort of mental break around 15 and my body ages but the rest of me never gets the message.

It was about that age, 15, that I willfully tried to distance myself from my past. I remember desperately attempting to convince myself that I was a different person that whoever it was that inhabited this body before that, in retrospect it was just a way for me to cope with past bullying and rejection (of course it didn't do me much good since everybody else still treated me the same). But then from 16-19 , I would feel "nostalgic" about the age when I "recreated" myself, as I fully bought my own bullshit at the time. In reality it was in my mid teens when I began my decade long period of (mostly forced) isolation which just seems to get progressively worse and more inescapable, yet I invented the idea that I had a very happy year in the past, and maybe by comparison I did, but it was still mostly bullshit.

However, whatever it was that happened to my mind at that age seems to have permanently fucked me up, and it's made disassociate constantly to the point where very little feels real anymore. I keep wondering when I'm going to wake up, but I never do, feels like I'm slowly going insane. In fact the experiences that I construct within my own head feel more "real" and genuine than anything experienced within the 3D, irl world.

How bad is your daydreaming? I cannot control mine and even at work I look like an autist when I'm laughing to myself and making weird faces/ rocking in place jfl. I can't control it for shit.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

How bad is your daydreaming? I cannot control mine and even at work I look like an autist when I'm laughing to myself and making weird faces/ rocking in place jfl. I can't control it for shit.

I'm pretty much half in dreamworld and half in the real world whenever I can help it, the only time I make an effort to stop is when something demands my undivided attention.

Although I don't really say or express anything out loud tbh.

 

[Deleted member 8884]

I'm pretty much half in dreamworld and half in the real world whenever I can help it, the only time I make an effort to stop is when something demands my undivided attention.

Although I don't really say or express anything out loud tbh.

You are very lucky that you have some control over it.