i still have evidence on my computer of all the work I put in when I was at maximum mental strength and using it.
still have a bunch of long programs to do maths and show off the complex algorithms graphically with lattices and polygons and sets, no one gave a fuck at university, barely made a dent in my grades.
the maths-obsessed overachievers still got A's even though they didn't do anything like that, just solved the basic maths. and the professors decided to "grade on the curve" by basically pretending I didn't do anything special. this even though a computerized solution is what they asked for in the first place.
in fact, doing that even attracted some ire from a few semi-competent peers who didn't want to operate at my level, claiming I raised the bar too much and that they hated it.
later on the professors even tried to get me to do much more advanced work for them, and again for free, LOL. this is finally where I stopped caring.
later on, there's even bigger multi-year projects, this time personal and nothing related to school, but again despite writing all the design and tens of thousands of lines of working code, it all goes nowhere because without money and a good team you're fucked. it doesn't matter that being middle class prepared you for intellectual pursuits. without money you can go fuck yourself.
so that's another idealistic sprint that ended up in a ditch.
note that all of these sprints were performed while already being exhausted by a shit life, meaning that going on them did extra damage to the psyche when they failed. since the psyche was being fed some kind of "just this one last painful effort and we've made it, I promise." lie to keep going.
then again, it was always like this, it was always shit, pointless, garbage. and there was never anything said besides "just hang in there", first from others, then from myself. repeatedly creating burnout and long periods of a zombie-like shuffling through life, as a completely dopamine-drained loser with nothing left. until it's time for another "idealistic sprint".