In my pre-teen and teen years, I was unaware of everything. Not blissfully unaware because my life has always been anything but bliss, but still clueless enough that I could have hope for the future. Hope that things will somehow change. However, with age came wisdom. I became more conscious of my defects, both inborn and those which were accumulated over time as a result of the constant stress and suffering I endured. Some of these defects could be fixed, but most cannot. And so I became extremely doubtful of my ability to survive in adult society for GOOD REASON. I now understand that I am a complete freak. A genetic aberration. In a kinder world, someone like me would have been thrown into the snow for the wolves to eat a long time ago. Instead I've been made to go through life experiencing daily, never-ending suffering with nothing in return and a false sense of hope imposed on me by a society which tells me I'm going to make it. Fuck this cruel world.
