I barely fucking slept last night and I hate when that happens. I always need 8 hours fully or I can’t function. I can’t do an all nighter I need my sleep.
Anyways fuck I was thinking about how many opportunities I had during my preteens - teenage years of not only ascension but also socialization. How i could’ve fit in more and how I could’ve gained more respect but I fucked it all up because I’m non NT.
Not self diagnosed I’m diagnosed autistic, adhd and I believe I have something else but idk if it’s still much of an issue. However almost all the issues I whined about in my life stem from being non NT.
Even my extremely skinny body is not cuz of genetics it because I got a bad disease when I was younger. This in turn gave me a strong gag reflux and caused me to lose weight because I didn’t eat. To this day I still can’t eat properly at times due to this. Many other things as well like how people perceive me, how well I do in certain things, etc.
I compare myself to what my parents excelled at, what my cousins excelled at and realize although genetic determinism is true, most of this is because of what I have. In fact I excelled in some aspects when I was younger but now I don’t. I’m able to NT mask but only online irl I can only NT mask to a point where I could jester maxx but not be seen by other normies as normal. I have no work ethic, discipline or talent. Even with my autism things like adhd and my struggles to get a point across make everything worse.
TLDR; NT Pill Is real and I analyzed the situations I’ve been in. My looks play a role but not even close to as much as being non NT has. The majority of my issues other than the some of the more shitty obstacles I’ve faced are due to being non NT.
Anyways fuck I was thinking about how many opportunities I had during my preteens - teenage years of not only ascension but also socialization. How i could’ve fit in more and how I could’ve gained more respect but I fucked it all up because I’m non NT.
Not self diagnosed I’m diagnosed autistic, adhd and I believe I have something else but idk if it’s still much of an issue. However almost all the issues I whined about in my life stem from being non NT.
Even my extremely skinny body is not cuz of genetics it because I got a bad disease when I was younger. This in turn gave me a strong gag reflux and caused me to lose weight because I didn’t eat. To this day I still can’t eat properly at times due to this. Many other things as well like how people perceive me, how well I do in certain things, etc.
I compare myself to what my parents excelled at, what my cousins excelled at and realize although genetic determinism is true, most of this is because of what I have. In fact I excelled in some aspects when I was younger but now I don’t. I’m able to NT mask but only online irl I can only NT mask to a point where I could jester maxx but not be seen by other normies as normal. I have no work ethic, discipline or talent. Even with my autism things like adhd and my struggles to get a point across make everything worse.
TLDR; NT Pill Is real and I analyzed the situations I’ve been in. My looks play a role but not even close to as much as being non NT has. The majority of my issues other than the some of the more shitty obstacles I’ve faced are due to being non NT.
