Serious Audio &/Or Visuals That Make Me Feel Existential Dread (And How I Ended Up What I Am Now)

[BlkPillPres]

The ending for To Love Ru, I remember when I used to watch this, it was a time when I was young and naive and I could stomach ecchi anime, and watch it enthusiastically, and actually laugh along with the funny parts, and that was because I somehow deluded myself into thinking I was going to make my own version of this life, it may not be a harem, but one day I was going to move to japan and live out this anime themed dream (yes I was that stereotypical "I wanna live in japan" guy)

Probably thought this because of all the blue pills I was fed and thought hard work and effort, hope and "dreaming" would make a difference, it didn't, I woke up one day and realized I was in my late teens and that life I dreamed about wasn't going to start anytime soon, at some point years later I realized it never would happen due to the black pill

For someone who was born into a rich family they already started to live that dream, their parents would just send them to school in Japan, for me that just was never going to happen, I retreated more and more into those kinds of anime to cope for a while

The worst thing you can do to a person is not to tell them they'll fail, but to give them false hope, whenever I hear this song I feel a deep depression and sadness, a sinking feeling in my chest, and what makes it worse and amplifies it is how beautiful these songs are, as you'll notice with the next one too





The ending of Bokusatsu Tenshi-Dokuro Chan, I could never watch this anime again, but its pretty funny, its a good one, but this ending to me always made me feel a sense of existential dread, because of the way it sounded and the fact that it was the ending of the anime (which I enjoyed a lot as I projected myself onto the protagonist)

Unlike Yuuki Rito of To Love Ru, Sakura Kusakabe had no harems, he never got any love at all actually and he was a lolicon, I could relate more to this character than Yuuki, notice the "bargaining" I was doing here, this is next level coping, I wasn't selfaware in those times so I never questioned it, but looking back now I was basically telling myself - "well I won't get a harem or women liking me, but I can at least get this experieince right", women tolerating my perversion and being "friends" with me, I was just trading down in anime themed dreams, hoping that one "stuck"

This ending also shares some of the same themes of To Love Ru but not as much, in some way my brain probably associates this ending with the end of life, the To Love Ru one makes me feel depressed because of the dream life I wanted and will never have, but this one I think taps into a more primal fear due to the mental association I have built up around it, its like death conceptualized in the form of a song for me, because it was me trading down and after this anime I think I had finally began to give up, the coping was getting tiresome, it could no longer work for me

It feels like a mixture of fear and a numb sadness, not the kind that makes you feel like sobbing, but the kind that makes you feel empty

This song pretty much personifies "the end" for me, the end of everything, life, my dream life, etc





This one is a special one, I would listen to this song over and over and think about the manga "mysterious girlfriend X", I again like with To Love Ru, somehow imagined one day I would find "the one", a "I'm not like other girls" kind of woman and live out a fantasy like in this manga (if you've read it you know what I'm talking about)

This song personified that specific dream for me, finding a woman like myself, who was just mines, actually liked me for me, such a thing never existed, and I found out all too late

There are probably more examples I can't recall, but these three songs in particular are memorable, my entire existence as a child and teen revolved around the concepts associated with these songs an the dream they represented, my mind latched onto these things very strongly



IN CLOSING

I think the reason I ended up being so black pilled (an extreme case) and so much more cruel and robotic than some of the more "kinder" users on this site, is because my reality was more fragile than theirs, my belief in my dreams were stronger, my dreams were grander, you guys have no idea how deeply I believed such a life was going to be mines, and such a life was possible, I believed in it more than I believed in God (I was very religious at the time)

My dreams were just more fragile because they were less steeped in reality, and they were extremely obsessive and even ritualistic, so when the black pill hit me, it hit hard, and everything shattered, there was nothing left

No empathy, no fear, no love, no humanity, only an it, whatever this thing that I am right now is merely wearing a name, I call myself the name I was given, but I don't "feel" like I'm that name anymore, I haven't felt like that person for a while since that time, I am merely the new being occupying this vessel, using it to get some enjoyment out of life, everything feels like its 3rd person in a sense, I'm always in this weird kind of "super-conscious" state where I'm thinking about everything I say and do in an introspective way, even when I'm masturbating lol (which ruins masturbation)

I'll be thinking about how weird it is that I'm getting erect by looking at lumps of fat on a females body, and that this is so surreal, to be aware of the biological "programming" that is causing such a reaction, it feels so "in the moment", thinking like that takes you out of the experience, it "breaks the immersion" with everything you do, which is why I often catch myself staring off into space lost in thought

That's why communication always feels so weird to me, even when talking with other people I have to kind of zone out else I'll lose myself in thought about whats happening or about something else, at the same thing I have to zone in else I'll lose track of them too, its like a weird balancing act, socializing feels so tiresome to me on that note, likely why I don't crave a relationship with a woman and just want sex now, its simpler and more peaceful that way for me

I feel like when I "broke" a switch was flipped and it was like I stopped being "human" in a mental sense, I don't think like a human anymore, everything feels robotic, unnatural, its as if my mind has disassociated from existence itself

Introspective thought comes naturally to me, because I'm always doing it by default, I couldn't stop the thoughts even if I wanted to

I was misled by my parents and guardians that if I just worked hard and focused I would find happiness, I don't think adults realize how dangerous of a lie that is, because you don't know what a child may be applying that mindset to, you don't know how much they are trusting in your words, and for me that trust was deep, I was completely sure of what they told me, i'd look at delinquents in class and think "what are they doing, don't they know they're ruining their lives", not realizing that they were aware of how this reality actually works, and I was the fool who was making bad decisions

Looking back now its kind of interesting, for a while it was like I was in an alternate reality, it was truly a magical place, the place I believed the world to be

 

[Dionysus]

brutal ngl

 

[BlkPillPres]

brutal ngl

Dude you didn't read that shit, that reply was too quick, I literally just finished

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

I read everything. Very interesting tbh , In other post , You talk about certain subjects , This time you talked about yourself

I find myself agreeing with you when you say it's very dangerous that parente lie to their children by making them believe hard work gives you happiness. Although what else parents could say to their children to motivate them?

 

[BlkPillPres]

I read everything. Very interesting tbh , In other post , You talk about certain subjects , This time you talked about yourself

I find myself agreeing with you when you say it's very dangerous that parente lie to their children by making them believe hard work gives you happiness. Although what else parents could say to their children to motivate them?

Parents could instead give their children actual advice to get the things they want and use the same things they lie about to motivate them

Here's a good example

Mothers know that their sons like girls, yet all of them lie and tell their sons that being nice will make girls like them knowing full well its the opposite and having money/resources or being good looking is how you get girls

So there's no need to change anything at all to motivate their sons, the only thing that needs to be changed is the advice, don't say "if you want girls be nice" say "if you want girls focus on being physically attractive and building wealth", its honest and will more likely lead to success than the lie

 

[CursedCel]

I would never imagine 5years ago that i would be in such a position i am now all my dreams are literally crushed.wonder if i can get more cruel than i am now

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

Parents could instead give their children actual advice to get the things they want and use the same things they lie about to motivate them

Here's a good example

Mothers know that their sons like girls, yet all of them lie and tell their sons that being nice will make girls like them knowing full well its the opposite and having money/resources or being good looking is how you get girls

So there's no need to change anything at all to motivate their sons, the only thing that needs to be changed is the advice, don't say "if you want girls be nice" say "if you want girls focus on being physically attractive and building wealth", its honest and will more likely lead to success than the lie

It's the best advice. I can see that becoming complicated when the boys see they're unable to become more attractive than they already are , Limited by their genetics , Especially when they see good looking guys at school getting all the girls without having any wealth and simplily having better genes. But it's still better than selling them a fantasy

 

[Deleted member 19236]

Incels and anime, a sad combination.

I can relate to some parts, especially the name thing and the part of "getting out of your frame" to talk with people. It just that I always felt like that.

Can also relate to the advice part too. "Just be a good boy and obey your parents, fun not allowed"
and i obeyed and now i am incel that wants to give up, too weak to function in society, not fake enough to fake being religious and compliment the right people.

 

[Tempus Edax Rerum]

lol you aren't blackpilled

 

[BlkPillPres]

But it's still better than selling them a fantasy

Definitely better than them becoming a "monster", my family has no idea what I am or what I'm capable of, I feel like I could kill everyone I know and it wouldn't even phase me, and I always think I've reached the peak of what I am now, but as they years go by I just become more and more of what I am now, further and further away from humanity, everything is always outside looking in, I learn to smile, how to laugh, what to say, but none of it is real, its all just part of the character I have to play currently to get by in this stage of my life

This is why wealthmaxxing is so important to me, I could finally stop pretending, and just seclude myself in my own "sanctuary" of a life if I had enough money

lol you aren't blackpilled

Wow, I have to agree, what a well thought out argument, I can't even argue against this, just flawless, especially that part where you said "aren't"

 

[Deleted member 22571]

Urabe from Mysterious Girlfriend X is basically the exact kind of girlfriend I wanted to find irl. Too bad we live in a shitty world.

 

[BlkPillPres]

Urabe from Mysterious Girlfriend X is basically the exact kind of girlfriend I wanted to find irl. Too bad we live in a shitty world.

Same, I just wanted a quiet mysterious girl who didn't always want to talk or test you, she'd have no problem lying with you in some field looking at the clouds

It would have been better for me had I not even thought such a thing possible, the loss of my dreams have left me something entirely different that your average human, I think I was affected by my reality check way more extremely than others

 

[Deleted member 101]

I wanted a girl who I could talk with for hours sometimes and other times just enjoy hanging while in silence

 

[Deleted member 14805]

Now I understand why you think and post the way you do, much like myself and many others you had hopes and dreams that you thought you could obtain through hardwork and dedication, but it's a farce, like you I coped with anime and mangas and hoping like the protagonists of them I'd find my wonderful girl, I can remember Midori Days, how the main character Seiji wanted a girlfriend and that High School would be so much more fun with a nice girlfriend, but his delinquent reputation scared off many girls, thus he was unable to get a GF, then Midori a girl that admired him from the distance, just suddenly appeared on his right hand. I can remember Midori telling Seiji that she likes Seiji because he maybe tough on the outside but he's actually soft and gentle on the inside, that he doesn't beat people up just for the sake of it and he even stands up for the weak.

I thought to myself there has to be a girl like that out there for me, who would love me despite my awkwardness and introversion and meek and timid personality, boy was I wrong, I was ghosted, ignored, friendzoned etc.

Sigh, seeing time and time again with how foids always go for guys who beat them up and even kill them, yet if you say anything about itm you'll get lynched, it just makes me think, how come people aren't willing to see the bigger picture? This is a genuine problem, yet people shout at you to shut up about it, but at the same time though when women are with guys who treat them well, they treat their guys bad and worse cheat on them.

I guess what I'm saying is that since the protagonists in fiction, anime and manga especially no matter if he's a tough guy, a meek and introverted guy, an ugly guy, a short guy etc. He always gets at least one foid to like him, I learned the harsh truth however that it's only fictional foids that likes all kinds of guys, real foids only like tough, tall, NT, Good Looking Chads. I guess that's why I cope with waifus, because if I was in their world, I know they'll be a foid who likes me, but in the real world, not so much. But due to this , I kind of stopped watching alot of anime entirely, same goes with anything really story driven of any media, same with video games, I only play games with no narrative like Terraria and Starbound for instance, or a game where I can play as a hot waifu to have eye candy as I play. Other than that I tend to be VERY picky of what media I consume nowadays due to learning these harsh truths.

As for the typical bluepilled advice, yeah like you and everyone else I was told the same thing, that if I stay in school, get good grades, go to college, then I'll be successful. Not so much, I went to Technical School for game design, because I always thought about making video games, turns out that's not what I wanted to do, I just like to mod pre existing games(which I'm still doing today)as a hobby and that's it, then I tried to be a computer Technician, like the last one I wasn't passionate about either, I just like to tinker with computer hardware and software every now and then again as a hobby. I thought about the medical field too, but upon learning about the grueling hours, no time off, being on call, nope can't deal with it. I was told as a child, I'll find my path by the time I'm an adult, I'm 31 going onto 32 and I've found nothing.

I wished I was told as a child, that not everyone will make it in life, not everyone will win no matter how much they work, I wished I was told if I were born rich that I'm more likely to be more successful than someone being born poor, I wish I was told if everything fails, then I should try to obtain as much wealth as possible and live my life in solice knowing I don't have to worry about my future, I may not have a wife or kids but I'll at least have money to hold me over and just live my life to the fullest, but even then I can't obtain wealth. So I just made peace with my current situation and try to make the best of every situation I'm in and rely on my copes to help me through them, which works each time.

Sorry for the long ramble, but it was nice reading the topic. I now know why you make the posts you make, your hopes, dreams and ambitions blew up in your face big time, and it turned you into what you are today.

Also it's nice to know I'm not the only black weebcel here.

 

[BlkPillPres]

Sorry for the long ramble, but it was nice reading the topic. I now know why you make the posts you make, your hopes, dreams and ambitions blew up in your face big time, and it turned you into what you are today.

Also it's nice to know I'm not the only black weebcel here.

Its not a long ramble to me and yes it is nice to know I'm not the only black weebcel

But i guess that part of me is gone now though, I watch anime, but I no longer enjoy anime "deeply", in the past watching a single episode filled me with so much bliss, life felt perfect after an episode because I was watching my future, what I had to look forward too, eating felt amazing, breathing felt amazing, I felt alive

Now the only thing left, is revenge, maybe even that dream will be taken away from me, and I don't know what I'll become after that

 

[IncelKing]

lol you aren't blackpilled

lmao, thats like someone who has never done drugs saying to Pablo Escobar "you aren't a drug dealer"

 

[FlyFace]

I feel like when I "broke" a switch was flipped and it was like I stopped being "human" in a mental sense, I don't think like a human anymore, everything feels robotic, unnatural, its as if my mind has disassociated from existence itself

I can heavily relate to this. I feel as if my mind literally flew out of my head when I got blackpilled and hasn't come back. It is torture. It just makes you hate everything. I don't even want to hate anyone or anything, I just do by proxy of them or it being linked to the earth which has caused me so much sorrow. I want to believe I am wrong in my assumptions.. and yet I dread the reality that my assumptions are absolutely correct. It's debilitating and a nightmare you can't wake up from.

 

[Dionysus]

Dude you didn't read that shit, that reply was too quick, I literally just finished

I didn't finish it but now I did.

he is low effort maxxing hard these days and just posts brutal ngl on every single post.

I have no motivation to do anything now ngl

 

[FlyFace]

Definitely better than them becoming a "monster", my family has no idea what I am or what I'm capable of, I feel like I could kill everyone I know and it wouldn't even phase me, and I always think I've reached the peak of what I am now, but as they years go by I just become more and more of what I am now, further and further away from humanity, everything is always outside looking in, I learn to smile, how to laugh, what to say, but none of it is real, its all just part of the character I have to play currently to get by in this stage of my life

Yes.. then when it finally becomes too much and we have to either stop ourselves from ascending to a butcher of human beings or simply indulge in our fellow humans entrails before being put out of our outstanding misery of the beast we have become. We are considered monstrous in either way. Suicide bad. Murder bad. How can you calmly and safely exit life then if you wanted? You can't. You have to stay so everyone can laugh at you and take your taxes.

 

[MountainGorilla]

your post reminds me of a good writer that never made it, always re-editing manuscripts and never releasing the final material; being perfectionist and all that. Dunno what else to describe it as, its pretty depressing to think about when reading your post.

 

[GoffSystemQB]

I'm going to go ahead and risk the getting warned for necro'ing this thread, but this was a brutal read tbh. It's a must read for anyone to understand where you're coming from tbh.



I never really watched ecchi anime just because I never came across it but I watched a few darker romanced themed ones like Clannad.

This world is a brutal place.

This one is a special one, I would listen to this song over and over and think about the manga "mysterious girlfriend X", I again like with To Love Ru, somehow imagined one day I would find "the one", a "I'm not like other girls" kind of woman and live out a fantasy like in this manga (if you've read it you know what I'm talking about)

This song personified that specific dream for me, finding a woman like myself, who was just mines, actually liked me for me, such a thing never existed, and I found out all too late

I haven't read the manga tbh, but I can relate I guess. I had a recent friendship (trying not to describe her as my "oneitis" although she was) that fell apart with a girl that was similar to me in many ways. Before like you said I didn't really have a strong dream that I clinged onto.

I could've really been with anyone and feigned emotions to achieve reproductive success, but now it feels like I'm ruined.

However since then I feel like I'm ruined now. It's like a didn't even have a dream like that, it was flashed in front of my face making me desire it, and then it was crushed pretty much shortly after that.

Since then advanced rotting mode it seems like all the time moves so fast and evaporates. My entire semester of College (was supposed to be last semester) has basically fallen apart. I don't feel anything anymore except like a massive weight bearing down holding me back, making me lethargic, etc.

 

[BlkPillPres]

Since then advanced rotting mode it seems like all the time moves so fast and evaporates. My entire semester of College (was supposed to be last semester) has basically fallen apart. I don't feel anything anymore except like a massive weight bearing down holding me back, making me lethargic, etc.

Convert your depression into rage, a hatred for all of existence especially everything in society, you being satisfied, you getting anything you want, is an offense to this reality, that is why you must pursue it, so you can spite "God", make "the universe" repulsed by your gall to rebel against the role it has chosen for you, one of failure and suffering

I'm going to rape reality lol, that's what my success is, me finding satisfaction is an abomination to the forces of existence in my book, so I must rebel just to spite them, I must succeed

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

I like To love ru tbh. Rito was a huge volcel

 

[BITG]

Dude you didn't read that shit, that reply was too quick, I literally just finished

XDDDDDDD

The ending for To Love Ru, I remember when I used to watch this, it was a time when I was young and naive and I could stomach ecchi anime, and watch it enthusiastically, and actually laugh along with the funny parts, and that was because I somehow deluded myself into thinking I was going to make my own version of this life, it may not be a harem, but one day I was going to move to japan and live out this anime themed dream (yes I was that stereotypical "I wanna live in japan" guy)

Probably thought this because of all the blue pills I was fed and thought hard work and effort, hope and "dreaming" would make a difference, it didn't, I woke up one day and realized I was in my late teens and that life I dreamed about wasn't going to start anytime soon, at some point years later I realized it never would happen due to the black pill

For someone who was born into a rich family they already started to live that dream, their parents would just send them to school in Japan, for me that just was never going to happen, I retreated more and more into those kinds of anime to cope for a while

The worst thing you can do to a person is not to tell them they'll fail, but to give them false hope, whenever I hear this song I feel a deep depression and sadness, a sinking feeling in my chest, and what makes it worse and amplifies it is how beautiful these songs are, as you'll notice with the next one too





The ending of Bokusatsu Tenshi-Dokuro Chan, I could never watch this anime again, but its pretty funny, its a good one, but this ending to me always made me feel a sense of existential dread, because of the way it sounded and the fact that it was the ending of the anime (which I enjoyed a lot as I projected myself onto the protagonist)

Unlike Yuuki Rito of To Love Ru, Sakura Kusakabe had no harems, he never got any love at all actually and he was a lolicon, I could relate more to this character than Yuuki, notice the "bargaining" I was doing here, this is next level coping, I wasn't selfaware in those times so I never questioned it, but looking back now I was basically telling myself - "well I won't get a harem or women liking me, but I can at least get this experieince right", women tolerating my perversion and being "friends" with me, I was just trading down in anime themed dreams, hoping that one "stuck"

This ending also shares some of the same themes of To Love Ru but not as much, in some way my brain probably associates this ending with the end of life, the To Love Ru one makes me feel depressed because of the dream life I wanted and will never have, but this one I think taps into a more primal fear due to the mental association I have built up around it, its like death conceptualized in the form of a song for me, because it was me trading down and after this anime I think I had finally began to give up, the coping was getting tiresome, it could no longer work for me

It feels like a mixture of fear and a numb sadness, not the kind that makes you feel like sobbing, but the kind that makes you feel empty

This song pretty much personifies "the end" for me, the end of everything, life, my dream life, etc





This one is a special one, I would listen to this song over and over and think about the manga "mysterious girlfriend X", I again like with To Love Ru, somehow imagined one day I would find "the one", a "I'm not like other girls" kind of woman and live out a fantasy like in this manga (if you've read it you know what I'm talking about)

This song personified that specific dream for me, finding a woman like myself, who was just mines, actually liked me for me, such a thing never existed, and I found out all too late

There are probably more examples I can't recall, but these three songs in particular are memorable, my entire existence as a child and teen revolved around the concepts associated with these songs an the dream they represented, my mind latched onto these things very strongly



IN CLOSING

I think the reason I ended up being so black pilled (an extreme case) and so much more cruel and robotic than some of the more "kinder" users on this site, is because my reality was more fragile than theirs, my belief in my dreams were stronger, my dreams were grander, you guys have no idea how deeply I believed such a life was going to be mines, and such a life was possible, I believed in it more than I believed in God (I was very religious at the time)

My dreams were just more fragile because they were less steeped in reality, and they were extremely obsessive and even ritualistic, so when the black pill hit me, it hit hard, and everything shattered, there was nothing left

No empathy, no fear, no love, no humanity, only an it, whatever this thing that I am right now is merely wearing a name, I call myself the name I was given, but I don't "feel" like I'm that name anymore, I haven't felt like that person for a while since that time, I am merely the new being occupying this vessel, using it to get some enjoyment out of life, everything feels like its 3rd person in a sense, I'm always in this weird kind of "super-conscious" state where I'm thinking about everything I say and do in an introspective way, even when I'm masturbating lol (which ruins masturbation)

I'll be thinking about how weird it is that I'm getting erect by looking at lumps of fat on a females body, and that this is so surreal, to be aware of the biological "programming" that is causing such a reaction, it feels so "in the moment", thinking like that takes you out of the experience, it "breaks the immersion" with everything you do, which is why I often catch myself staring off into space lost in thought

That's why communication always feels so weird to me, even when talking with other people I have to kind of zone out else I'll lose myself in thought about whats happening or about something else, at the same thing I have to zone in else I'll lose track of them too, its like a weird balancing act, socializing feels so tiresome to me on that note, likely why I don't crave a relationship with a woman and just want sex now, its simpler and more peaceful that way for me

I feel like when I "broke" a switch was flipped and it was like I stopped being "human" in a mental sense, I don't think like a human anymore, everything feels robotic, unnatural, its as if my mind has disassociated from existence itself

Introspective thought comes naturally to me, because I'm always doing it by default, I couldn't stop the thoughts even if I wanted to

I was misled by my parents and guardians that if I just worked hard and focused I would find happiness, I don't think adults realize how dangerous of a lie that is, because you don't know what a child may be applying that mindset to, you don't know how much they are trusting in your words, and for me that trust was deep, I was completely sure of what they told me, i'd look at delinquents in class and think "what are they doing, don't they know they're ruining their lives", not realizing that they were aware of how this reality actually works, and I was the fool who was making bad decisions

Looking back now its kind of interesting, for a while it was like I was in an alternate reality, it was truly a magical place, the place I believed the world to be

OP, I understand where you’re coming from now. I get why you’re so “extreme” compared to other posters here. It’s because you were SO attached to the blue pilled world, it completely eviscerated you when the black pill truth was learnt. Brutal brocel, sorry for that. damn. This was a revelation I was not expecting.

 

[BlkPillPres]

XDDDDDDD

OP, I understand where you’re coming from now. I get why you’re so “extreme” compared to other posters here. It’s because you were SO attached to the blue pilled world, it completely eviscerated you when the black pill truth was learnt. Brutal brocel, sorry for that. damn. This was a revelation I was not expecting.

Its like inception, guys who are regular blue pilled exist in a dream, guys who had my level of blue pill were trapped in a world of next level delusion, we were in a dream inside of a dream, when the dream world shatters we get fucked up more

That's what it confuses me so much how so many incels hold onto so many various blue pilled beliefs, the only thing I can conclude is that they didn't suffer enough to stop coping, they can still cling to certain ideas because the core values that those ideas revolve around haven't been destroyed for them

Some people have to learn the hard way, I count myself lucky in a way, better to get brutally black pilled, than to wake up one day a 50 year old on my bed having wasted decades because I didn't get fully black pilled (that's the fate for a lot of people on this site)

 

[Iwanttolive]

Dude you didn't read that shit, that reply was too quick, I literally just finished

Idk wat to say here but some of your threads really shattered some paradigms I had in life.

This song stirs up my emotions

 

[WØLF]

This one is a special one, I would listen to this song over and over and think about the manga "mysterious girlfriend X", I again like with To Love Ru, somehow imagined one day I would find "the one", a "I'm not like other girls" kind of woman and live out a fantasy like in this manga (if you've read it you know what I'm talking about)

This song personified that specific dream for me, finding a woman like myself, who was just mines, actually liked me for me, such a thing never existed, and I found out all too late

There are probably more examples I can't recall, but these three songs in particular are memorable, my entire existence as a child and teen revolved around the concepts associated with these songs an the dream they represented, my mind latched onto these things very strongly

Sad shit man, honestly I used to think like this too

Mysterious Girlfriend X is strange to say the least

 

[Transcended Trucel]

I would never imagine 5years ago that i would be in such a position i am now all my dreams are literally crushed.wonder if i can get more cruel than i am now

Same. Morality completely wiped. Its really brutal. I used to spend hours daily on thinking how bad oppressed people had it. But for last 2-3 years. I dont think about anything except entertainment and benefits.

 

[ItsOver4cel]

brutal ngl

 

[FUCKITALLREEE]

Man you should have known that anime is nothing but pure coping from ricecel to the point of distorsion of reality, just a big delusion. Have you considered the possibility that you might have autism?

 

[GoffSystemQB]

Man you should have known that anime is nothing but pure coping from ricecel to the point of distorsion of reality, just a big delusion. Have you considered the possibility that you might have autism?

Yes, he has autism and he's already aware of that lol.

 

[FUCKITALLREEE]

Yes, he has autism and he's already aware of that lol.

He shouldn't worry about reality then, and still cope the best way he can, because a man with autism is a social and relationship death sentence in itself. Except for a women.

 

[BlkPillPres]

Man you should have known that anime is nothing but pure coping from ricecel to the point of distorsion of reality, just a big delusion. Have you considered the possibility that you might have autism?

Yeah dude, with blue pilled parents and no life experience from the age of 14 I should have just known

 

[FUCKITALLREEE]

Yeah dude, with blue pilled parents and no life experience from the age of 14 I should have just known

How old are you? You fell for anime very deeply but it might have been due to autism so it would be wrong to assume that you should have known, especially when bluepilled. Pardon me brocel.

 

[BlkPillPres]

How old are you? You fell for anime very deeply but it might have been due to autism so it would be wrong to assume that you should have known, especially when bluepilled. Pardon me brocel.

I'm in my 20's now, I won't be more specific than that just yet

 

[FUCKITALLREEE]

I'm in my 20's now, I won't be more specific than that just yet

Well now you know the truth about anime and bluepillers lies, that's a big step up from living in a delusion i'd say.

 

[guaucel]

Meanwhile almost every single woman on earth is either getting dicked or living a youth romance while having dozens of orbiters in case their relationships break up. And then they complain about loneliness.

 

[YBP Yxngcel]

Wow holy shit. This is like the origin story of blkpillpress. So hopeful and attached to the bluepill until his dreams are shattered ruthlessly by the cruel world and his parents telling him comfortable lies. Now he's out for revenge by wealthmaxxing.

Coming this summer. BLACKPILLPRESS
[PG-13] IMAX Dolby Vision. Get Blackpilled on 14th July! At A cinema Near You!

Btw,what career did you wanna pursue during your bluepilled days?

 

[Deleted member 42691]

what are they doing, don't they know they're ruining their lives"

Touché , you hit very close to home

I remember seeing Tyrone messing around and thinking look at those guys ,they don’t understand being a good citizen is rewarding in life.

The thing that make me eat those words was seeing very attractive woman sucking theirs dick

But but but why would you girls do that , he is a bad citizen

You know if someone proposed me 1 million $ or rewind time to when I was 8 years old with my present memories, I think I’d choose the latter

 

[BlkPillPres]

You know if someone proposed me 1 million $ or rewind time to when I was 8 years old with my present memories, I think I’d choose the latter

I'd take the 1 million, I don't want to relive my past, and there's no gaurantee I'd make a million even if I started with my knowledge at 8. Well assuming that knowledge doesn't include the advent of bitcoin, if it does then I'd go back to when I was 8, but I really wouldn't want to.

 

[Deleted member 42691]

I'd take the 1 million, I don't want to relive my past, and there's no gaurantee I'd make a million even if I started with my knowledge at 8. Well assuming that knowledge doesn't include the advent of bitcoin, if it does then I'd go back to when I was 8, but I really wouldn't want to.

You read my mind about BTC
But there are a lot of others things, like investing in company you know are going to blow up.

But I understand if you have your own personal circumstances you wouldn’t like to revive

 

[BlkPillPres]

But I understand if you have your own personal circumstances you wouldn’t like to revive

It's not that anything special in particular happened. It's that going back could:
1. Make me fuck up the timeline and probably inadvertently get myself killed (or someone I know killed).

2. If I relive my childhood with my mindset I would have to be holding my tongue, pretending, etc. Things would also be less enjoyable. I wouldn't really enjoy video games as I did then. Every show or movie I watched would feel like a re-run too.

3. Also I'd had to relive the times when we were really poor lol. Who the fuck would want to relive that. There was a point in time when I didn't have cable, internet or a computer. It was just one crappy CRT TV with a bad signal, and a video tape player to watch bootleg kung fu movies (those were good, but watching dry shit like days of our lives on TV was torture).

The worst combination in life for me is boredom + hunger. All your mind does is focus on the hunger because you have no distraction from it. The boredom makes you feel mentally drained and the hunger makes you feel physically drained.

At least with my child brain I could probably muster up some kind of mental escape, but my current self is too self aware and introspective, it would be torture to relive those days with my current brain.

 

[Mulattocel]

That part where you said it’s better for parents to just be honest with their kids instead of giving them false hope is so true. I wish my dad would have just come out and said “look son you will most likely have little to no success with women in your life because of your looks and height I’m sorry but you need to focus your efforts on other things to compensate and try to enjoy at least some part of life”. That would have saved me so much time, effort, and heartbreak from the get go. I obviously would never expect my mom to admit that women are vapid, shallow, heartless creatures but at least my dad could have smh

 

[Deleted member 42691]

It's not that anything special in particular happened. It's that going back could:
1. Make me fuck up the timeline and probably inadvertently get myself killed (or someone I know killed).

2. If I relive my childhood with my mindset I would have to be holding my tongue, pretending, etc. Things would also be less enjoyable. I wouldn't really enjoy video games as I did then. Every show or movie I watched would feel like a re-run too.

3. Also I'd had to relive the times when we were really poor lol. Who the fuck would want to relive that. There was a point in time when I didn't have cable, internet or a computer. It was just one crappy CRT TV with a bad signal, and a video tape player to watch bootleg kung fu movies (those were good, but watching dry shit like days of our lives on TV was torture).

The worst combination in life for me is boredom + hunger. All your mind does is focus on the hunger because you have no distraction from it. The boredom makes you feel mentally drained and the hunger makes you feel physically drained.

At least with my child brain I could probably muster up some kind of mental escape, but my current self is too self aware and introspective, it would be torture to relive those days with my current brain.

Ok it was tough for you

Kinda similar for me :

My old man bounce (like your average black men)

Mom was a bit poor but alright
but gave me the worst bluepill education ever , that consist in : be a good boy.

But I would still choose the rewind in my case : I know my choices would be very different and at early twenties I would be financially free. (Except car crash or others incident [UWSL])[/UWSL]

 

[BlkPillPres]

My old man bounce (like your average black men)

My dad was there but he still ended up being the typical "pookie". I guess for him he thought just being around was good enough because his father didn't even do that.

The sad thing about my parents is that on some level I can't even blame them because they had poor templates to follow to begin with. The only reason I think the way I do is because I was "raised by the internet". My "culture" isn't the place I live or the people around me, my culture is "internet culture".

It's the reason why my way of thinking is so different from everyone in my family. While people were out at parties or hanging out with friends. I was at home watching anime, playing video games, and talking/arguing with mostly white guys on internet forums lol. The topics that white men discuss are just different than what exists in the black community. It changes the way you think.

I was blue pilled then, but I still had more sense than most people around me.

(Except car crash or others incident [UWSL])[/UWSL]

That's the point I'm worried about. What if you only survived that car crash due to the specific choices you made in life, and had you made different choices X event/circumstance would have happened and then you died. This is why it's best not to mess with the past.

It's the whole butterfly effect thing. You buying a specific food item a month before the crash may be the reason you survived the crash lol. There's just too many variables and you won't know which ones to focus on.

 

[Deleted member 42691]

My dad was there but he still ended up being the typical "pookie". I guess for him he thought just being around was good enough because his father didn't even do that.

The modern father education , I see.
Yep , might as well not even be there.

It's the reason why my way of thinking is so different from everyone in my family. While people were out at parties or hanging out with friends. I was at home watching anime, playing video games, and talking/arguing with mostly white guys on internet forums lol. The topics that white men discuss are just different than what exists in the black community. It changes the way you think.

me too , tbh I watched a lot of anime and I always felt my ways of thinking was like a white guy , which further ostracized me.

I grew up around black , Tyrone and your typical black who view being thug as the ultimate goal in life .

The only good thing in my childhood was
That I was (still am) a martial art nerd because of Bruce lee, dragon ball, Jackie Chan and jet li

Of course, I waste my 11-12 years old doing some bullshido like wushu (completely useless ) but my instructor in a moment of lucidity made me Learn sanda ( Chinese kickboxing) that made a huge difference.

All the thugs in high school picked on black outcast , robbing them , beating them up
They always were talking shit about me , the thugs and their bitches , making fun of me , but none of them never cross the line of getting physical because they knew , they would not leave unscathed

cause a few month after starting middle school , a student tried to rob me outside, I knew the basics of striking thanks to sanda so let’s just say he’s attempt was unsuccessful

The only thing that made my childhood better : I could defend myself physically

 

[BlkPillPres]

The modern father education , I see.
Yep , might as well not even be there.

me too , tbh I watched a lot of anime and I always felt my ways of thinking was like a white guy , which further ostracized me.

I grew up around black , Tyrone and your typical black who view being thug as the ultimate goal in life .

The only good thing in my childhood was
That I was (still am) a martial art nerd because of Bruce lee, dragon ball, Jackie Chan and jet li

Of course, I waste my 11-12 years old doing some bullshido like wushu (completely useless ) but my instructor in a moment of lucidity made me Learn sanda ( Chinese kickboxing) that made a huge difference.

All the thugs in high school picked on black outcast , robbing them , beating them up
They always were talking shit about me , the thugs and their bitches , making fun of me , but none of them never cross the line of getting physical because they knew , they would not leave unscathed

cause a few month after starting middle school , a student tried to rob me outside, I knew the basics of striking thanks to sanda so let’s just say he’s attempt was unsuccessful

The only thing that made my childhood better : I could defend myself physically

I'll probably take up some martial arts at some point. But I'm gonna stick to something simple, just boxing and brazilian jiu jitsu. It's said that around 80% of street fights go to the ground, so brazilian jiu jitsu would be useful in a "real fight". If course I'm the type to fight dirty anyways, I have no problem rubbing dirt in someones eyes, going for the groin, etc lol.

 

[Deleted member 42691]

I'll probably take up some martial arts at some point. But I'm gonna stick to something simple, just boxing and brazilian jiu jitsu. It's said that around 80% of street fights go to the ground, so brazilian jiu jitsu would be useful in a "real fight". If course I'm the type to fight dirty anyways, I have no problem rubbing dirt in someones eyes, going for the groin, etc lol.

Of course, you absolutely should.

That was going to be the follow up of my story

At 16 I discovered BJJ and grappling , I realized ok no need to discuss it , this is the best martial art to learn to fight ( on 1v1 of course , you better not know only grappling against more than 1 opponents )

since then I am only doing Bjj and grappling

I recommend you to do only no-gi grappling (without the kimono)

Some kimono techniques are unrealistic, lot of fool brawl shirtless expecting them to have a tough as fuck kimono around their neck is quite dumb

 

[Deleted member 42691]

I'll probably take up some martial arts at some point. But I'm gonna stick to something simple, just boxing and brazilian jiu jitsu. It's said that around 80% of street fights go to the ground, so brazilian jiu jitsu would be useful in a "real fight". If course I'm the type to fight dirty anyways, I have no problem rubbing dirt in someones eyes, going for the groin, etc lol.

If you want to check the best no gi grappler
In the world: it’s Gordon Ryan, a burgerlander .

 

[HateCurry]

My dad was there but he still ended up being the typical "pookie". I guess for him he thought just being around was good enough because his father didn't even do that.

The sad thing about my parents is that on some level I can't even blame them because they had poor templates to follow to begin with. The only reason I think the way I do is because I was "raised by the internet". My "culture" isn't the place I live or the people around me, my culture is "internet culture".

It's the reason why my way of thinking is so different from everyone in my family. While people were out at parties or hanging out with friends. I was at home watching anime, playing video games, and talking/arguing with mostly white guys on internet forums lol. The topics that white men discuss are just different than what exists in the black community. It changes the way you think.

lol that's my dream life: just a few days ago I refused to go outside with my parents, they usually force me but I refused to go and they took all my devices except this

They took my phone away, it's brutal, I can't jerk off now because of this (brutal)

Plus there's a pressure on me to say sorry to my mom, else no phone: you see how brutal my life is