ebs21
Theorycel
★
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2022
- Posts
- 89
This is a bit of a read, but I made an account here chiefly because theres nobody in my life who I could possibly explain it to, and I need to get it out before I possibly rope. I would appreciate any thoughts y'all might have.
I often wonder if I could have been normal had my doctors not been complete retards when I was a young child.
For a little background: I was born healthy to two relatively healthy parents. My father was a college athlete and essentially a chadlite. He looks great for his age. (approaching 60s) My mother is high achieving and intelligent, with only one flaw - celiac disease. I inherited this curse from her. For those of you who are unware, celiac disease means that a protein that found abundantly in wheat flour (gluten) causes one's immune system to attack our own intestinal lining, causing pain and, eventually, intestinal permeability. Intestinal permeability means that small amounts of anything I eat can end up in my bloodstream without first being digested or metabolized. This causes a cascade of allergic->autoimmune problems and gut/brain mental health problems.
Now, nobody in my life even mentioned celiac disease until I was 15 years old at the very least. When I was really little, the only symptom I had was asthma, for which the doctor prescribed me (a literal toddler) corticosteroid & immunosuppressant pills to be taken at night, as well as steroid inhalers. (idk if albuterol is actually considered a steroid) and steroid nasal spray for allergic reactions (which I had to nearly everything since my immune system was hypersensitized by celiac)
These medications did two things to me.
1.) They stunted my growth by suppressing my natural testosterone . I had an extremely weak """puberty""" (we'll get back to this) at 13/14ish which put me well behind the other kids my age and humiliated me. Mentally, I was still interested in girls but compared to my peers I was too small and "childish" for them to pay any attention to me. Was also teased relentlessly for poor performance and lack of interest in sports. (No test)
2.) My mood alternated between almost narcoleptic lethargy & bursts of tard energy from corticosteroids, the doctors being retards (or maybe malicious?) thought "oh well guess the boy has ADHD" and put me on stimulants, which have ruined me even further.
Like I said, by the time I was 15 I found out (same time as my mother) that I had celiac disease and was able to stop some of the medication by limiting my diet severely. This helped a little and, and I have a decent face, so I had a somewhat typical cutecel high school experience where immature/abused girls viewed me as harmless and effeminate and gave me some amount of attention (never had sex) so I didn't feel like a complete reject at first, though by the time I graduated it was clear that more masculine/dominant guys were fucking and I was not, and it made me bitter. I started smoking weed & doing drugs nonstop to cope & my general instability ruined any semblance of friendship I had.
When I was 19 I started reading about biology to figure out what was wrong with me and eventually came to the realization that the corticosteroids & stimulants I had been on from a young age, and then later supplemented with weed, was suppressing my testosterone and making me a bitch. I went cold turkey and went through a year of hellish health before I started to recover. I stopped eating junk food and tracked my diet, and started working out intermittently. Slowly, my face became slightly more masculine, (still boyish as hell) I grew sparse facial hair, and my muscles actually grew beyond being twig-like. Test levels (doctor tested) went from 300 to nearly 900. I think this was me having a second puberty at 19.
So I've gone from being a literally disgusting, diseased goblin looking subhuman to looking like a human being, but ITS TOO LATE! Here's why:
A) I'm still severely socially retarded. I'm confident that I'm pretty intelligent (tested at 121 a few years ago when I was still on drugs) but I have literally no charisma whatsoever. Moreover the last time I had regular contact with girls my age (hs) they scared me due to fucked up hormones, so I never had any formative experienced dealing with them outside of a few weird outliers. I'm probably a high-functioning autist who can somewhat "mask" in limited interactions though mimicry. Possibly mentalcel.
B) although I'm decently healthy now I look 4 years younger than I actually am. The boyish face isn't so bad, but while chad and chadlites spent high school getting free muscle/frame growth from test, and honing physique by playing sports; I was rotting on cortisol analogs that catabolize muscle and prevent growth. Since I basically just had puberty a year ago, I have muscles essentially equivalent to a 16 year old whos been training for maybe a year. This makes it impossible to compete with men who are younger than me, let alone those my age. Women don't even see me as enough of an option to approach me, and I'm too autistic to know when to approach or have success if I did.
C) I gymmaxx as a cope for the above, but I'm almost certain that despite controlling celiac symptoms with diet, my ability to absorb nutrients has been permanently hindered by intestinal damage. I eat like 3000 kcal a day, and still put on no weight. I've been hovering at the same weight (slightly below "underweight" for my height/age category) for over a year. I'm able to get absolutely shredded at the gym, (I've been sub-8% bodyfat) but without significant hypertrophy it hardly looks impressive to anyone but older men. (who have hit on me )
D) I also used to cope by saying that maybe my boyish looks would make me age well like my father, but now unlike him my hairline has begun to recede at 21. (thanks, mom) So I'm doomed to the awesome combo of bald in a few years + boyish face + can't grow facial hair. Finasteride made my balls hurt like nothing I've ever felt before so thats not an option either. I used to think I would just make a lot of money and then date young women as a 30+ yr old. Young women do NOT want bald freaks, let alone bald freaks with no facial hair and a skinny frame.
E) I have to be so careful about my diet that I essentially can't eat unless I cook my own food, meaning that taking women on dates (assuming I ever got to that point) would be more or less impossible. And nobody is going to come over to my home for a first date. So it's just fucking over.
So essentially, it never even started for me. But it could have, probably, if I had just been put on a celiac diet from infancy instead of being pumped full of bullshit to cover symptoms. Instead, I suffered a bizarre purgatorial asexual adolescence and late retard puberty. Oh, and my younger brother is completely normal. Taller and healthier than me in every way.
I'm thinking I might be able to salvage my 20s and ascend by fraudmaxxing with minoxidil and gear, (test +dbol?) but I don't have the money for HCG and all the other ancillaries for anabolic use so I would have to get it 100% right the first time or just rope if I ruin my chances of reproducing. My final cope is that MAYBE growing up suppressed from corticosteroids means I have a tolerance to it and gear won't atrophy my balls completely?
Anyone else with anything similar? Thoughts? Oh and thanks for actually reading this if you read all the way through. Sorry for being longwinded.
Basically, FUCK doctors.
I often wonder if I could have been normal had my doctors not been complete retards when I was a young child.
For a little background: I was born healthy to two relatively healthy parents. My father was a college athlete and essentially a chadlite. He looks great for his age. (approaching 60s) My mother is high achieving and intelligent, with only one flaw - celiac disease. I inherited this curse from her. For those of you who are unware, celiac disease means that a protein that found abundantly in wheat flour (gluten) causes one's immune system to attack our own intestinal lining, causing pain and, eventually, intestinal permeability. Intestinal permeability means that small amounts of anything I eat can end up in my bloodstream without first being digested or metabolized. This causes a cascade of allergic->autoimmune problems and gut/brain mental health problems.
Now, nobody in my life even mentioned celiac disease until I was 15 years old at the very least. When I was really little, the only symptom I had was asthma, for which the doctor prescribed me (a literal toddler) corticosteroid & immunosuppressant pills to be taken at night, as well as steroid inhalers. (idk if albuterol is actually considered a steroid) and steroid nasal spray for allergic reactions (which I had to nearly everything since my immune system was hypersensitized by celiac)
These medications did two things to me.
1.) They stunted my growth by suppressing my natural testosterone . I had an extremely weak """puberty""" (we'll get back to this) at 13/14ish which put me well behind the other kids my age and humiliated me. Mentally, I was still interested in girls but compared to my peers I was too small and "childish" for them to pay any attention to me. Was also teased relentlessly for poor performance and lack of interest in sports. (No test)
2.) My mood alternated between almost narcoleptic lethargy & bursts of tard energy from corticosteroids, the doctors being retards (or maybe malicious?) thought "oh well guess the boy has ADHD" and put me on stimulants, which have ruined me even further.
Like I said, by the time I was 15 I found out (same time as my mother) that I had celiac disease and was able to stop some of the medication by limiting my diet severely. This helped a little and, and I have a decent face, so I had a somewhat typical cutecel high school experience where immature/abused girls viewed me as harmless and effeminate and gave me some amount of attention (never had sex) so I didn't feel like a complete reject at first, though by the time I graduated it was clear that more masculine/dominant guys were fucking and I was not, and it made me bitter. I started smoking weed & doing drugs nonstop to cope & my general instability ruined any semblance of friendship I had.
When I was 19 I started reading about biology to figure out what was wrong with me and eventually came to the realization that the corticosteroids & stimulants I had been on from a young age, and then later supplemented with weed, was suppressing my testosterone and making me a bitch. I went cold turkey and went through a year of hellish health before I started to recover. I stopped eating junk food and tracked my diet, and started working out intermittently. Slowly, my face became slightly more masculine, (still boyish as hell) I grew sparse facial hair, and my muscles actually grew beyond being twig-like. Test levels (doctor tested) went from 300 to nearly 900. I think this was me having a second puberty at 19.
So I've gone from being a literally disgusting, diseased goblin looking subhuman to looking like a human being, but ITS TOO LATE! Here's why:
A) I'm still severely socially retarded. I'm confident that I'm pretty intelligent (tested at 121 a few years ago when I was still on drugs) but I have literally no charisma whatsoever. Moreover the last time I had regular contact with girls my age (hs) they scared me due to fucked up hormones, so I never had any formative experienced dealing with them outside of a few weird outliers. I'm probably a high-functioning autist who can somewhat "mask" in limited interactions though mimicry. Possibly mentalcel.
B) although I'm decently healthy now I look 4 years younger than I actually am. The boyish face isn't so bad, but while chad and chadlites spent high school getting free muscle/frame growth from test, and honing physique by playing sports; I was rotting on cortisol analogs that catabolize muscle and prevent growth. Since I basically just had puberty a year ago, I have muscles essentially equivalent to a 16 year old whos been training for maybe a year. This makes it impossible to compete with men who are younger than me, let alone those my age. Women don't even see me as enough of an option to approach me, and I'm too autistic to know when to approach or have success if I did.
C) I gymmaxx as a cope for the above, but I'm almost certain that despite controlling celiac symptoms with diet, my ability to absorb nutrients has been permanently hindered by intestinal damage. I eat like 3000 kcal a day, and still put on no weight. I've been hovering at the same weight (slightly below "underweight" for my height/age category) for over a year. I'm able to get absolutely shredded at the gym, (I've been sub-8% bodyfat) but without significant hypertrophy it hardly looks impressive to anyone but older men. (who have hit on me )
D) I also used to cope by saying that maybe my boyish looks would make me age well like my father, but now unlike him my hairline has begun to recede at 21. (thanks, mom) So I'm doomed to the awesome combo of bald in a few years + boyish face + can't grow facial hair. Finasteride made my balls hurt like nothing I've ever felt before so thats not an option either. I used to think I would just make a lot of money and then date young women as a 30+ yr old. Young women do NOT want bald freaks, let alone bald freaks with no facial hair and a skinny frame.
E) I have to be so careful about my diet that I essentially can't eat unless I cook my own food, meaning that taking women on dates (assuming I ever got to that point) would be more or less impossible. And nobody is going to come over to my home for a first date. So it's just fucking over.
So essentially, it never even started for me. But it could have, probably, if I had just been put on a celiac diet from infancy instead of being pumped full of bullshit to cover symptoms. Instead, I suffered a bizarre purgatorial asexual adolescence and late retard puberty. Oh, and my younger brother is completely normal. Taller and healthier than me in every way.
I'm thinking I might be able to salvage my 20s and ascend by fraudmaxxing with minoxidil and gear, (test +dbol?) but I don't have the money for HCG and all the other ancillaries for anabolic use so I would have to get it 100% right the first time or just rope if I ruin my chances of reproducing. My final cope is that MAYBE growing up suppressed from corticosteroids means I have a tolerance to it and gear won't atrophy my balls completely?
Anyone else with anything similar? Thoughts? Oh and thanks for actually reading this if you read all the way through. Sorry for being longwinded.
Basically, FUCK doctors.
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