Are you boring?

[Deleted member 7448]

I used to be very fun/funny. But over time I've become very quiet and reserved on the outside. It's a combination of 12+ years of depression, anxiety etc... Also the bullying, although that was many years ago now cause I'm a grown ass adult, it still impacted my personality back then and it made me more reserved.

Now after so many years of loneliness and being a recluse, I've become a boring adult. Nah, even among adults I'm boring became I have to put on a mask of normalcy. I have to put on a serious face because every time I let my mask slip and joke I end up regretting it, probably am autistic or something, though probably not. I remember on so many instances telling myself "shut up, from now on you don't say what isn't absolutely necessary". I guess at a certain point that lesson stuck and I've become a somber adult.

Not to mention that all my thoughts, knowledge, wisdom, references, jokes and what's fun about me is all in English, since I've spent all my life in front of a screen. Now irl I can't even be funny if I tried, I can barely put 2 sentences together in my native language without making a mistake, can't properly express myself in my native language, people actually thought I'm some kind of foreigner on occasions. Actually that's for other reasons, I seem to be unable to speak properly, I keep saying one word instead of another and shit like that, I think my brain is fried from too much rotting.

 

[Selinity]

It must suck to see yourself regress like that. I've lost a language (french) when I was young because I always interacted in english and never really put too much effort in continuing to learn my language, but when I became older I relearnt it, maybe out of guilt, maybe out of trying to reconnect with my past.

To answer your question though I haven't become completely boring, but my social skills have decided since pre-covid.

 

[imsorry]

Grades 1-4 bullying by peers and my teacher.
Grades 4-8 i was a class clown, helped to cope with being bullied.
Grades 9-12 the bullying has stopped, i was really quiet.
college = quiet, braindead me (i was on antipsychotics) i had serious schizophrenia like symptoms, which were induced from bullying, so yeah.. at least i tried being funny.

 

[bait____]

It depends,i can be a funny guy but also boring as fuck due to anxiety and insecurieties

doesn't matter im ugly

 

[Deleted member 7448]

It must suck to see yourself regress like that. I've lost a language (french) when I was young because I always interacted in english and never really put too much effort in continuing to learn my language, but when I became older I relearnt it, maybe out of guilt, maybe out of trying to reconnect with my past.

To answer your question though I haven't become completely boring, but my social skills have decided since pre-covid.

That's not a bad thing entirely, losing some social skills during covid means you still have them deep down, they're just rusty. You'll loosen up when this craziness is over and it'll all be good. Pity though that you're missing out on social interactions during uni, you sound like a dude who'd integrate fairly well in uni and may have a relatively normal social life. Unlike my avoidant ass.

Grades 1-4 bullying by peers and my teacher.
Grades 4-8 i was a class clown, helped to cope with being bullied.
Grades 9-12 the bullying has stopped, i was really quiet.
college = quiet, braindead me (i was on antipsychotics) i had serious schizophrenia like symptoms, which were induced from bullying, so yeah.. at least i tried being funny.

Surprisingly similar to my circumstances. Except in college I used liters of alcohol every day to drown my depression. Wouldn't recommend, don't try it.

It depends,i can be a funny guy but also boring as fuck due to anxiety and insecurieties

Yep, anxieties and insecurities can make the most charismatic man alive boring. What's the point of being funny if it's all in yout head and you don't let it out? Though usually when I did let it out it would just come out as cringe or whatever so I learned to keep my mouth shut.

 

[steadyCoping]

Your post are so relatable it's painful, you remind me of things I try to forget.

 

[coldmachinery]

I barely exist outside of my room, but I have a natural instinct to jestermaxx and it's a battle to put a leash on the potential cringe, if that makes sense. Not much point in pulling a rabbit out of your ass as an Incel.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Your post are so relatable it's painful, you remind me of things I try to forget.

Yeah it seems a lot of us have had rather similar experiences. One piece of unsolicited advice I have though is that you shouldn't ever rot. I let my depression get the better of me and I've rotted for years and years. Worst thing you can do, somehow what you think is rock bottom sinks even deeper with every day you rot. Although even rotting is better than being an alcoholic so never drink, I guess that's my advice.

I barely exist outside of my room, but I have a natural instinct to jestermaxx and it's a battle to put a leash on the potential cringe, if that makes sense. Not much point in pulling a rabbit out of your ass as an Incel.

Yeah I have a jester inside me but he's dead and his corpse has rotted so much it's mostly just skeleton by now. I've put up a thick wall, just too many cringe/humiliations in the past have taught me to keep my mouth shut to a pathological level.

 

[coldmachinery]

Yeah I have a jester inside me but he's dead and his corpse has rotted so much it's mostly just skeleton by now. I've put up a thick wall, just too many cringe/humiliations in the past have taught me to keep my mouth shut to a pathological level.

You're fucked either way with this approach unfortunately. Do you let the cringe flow freely, or become this stilted dialogue tree of a human being lol.

 

[Lebensmüder]

I used to be very fun/funny. But over time I've become very quiet and reserved on the outside. It's a combination of 12+ years of depression, anxiety etc... Also the bullying, although that was many years ago now cause I'm a grown ass adult, it still impacted my personality back then and it made me more reserved.

Now after so many years of loneliness and being a recluse, I've become a boring adult. Nah, even among adults I'm boring became I have to put on a mask of normalcy. I have to put on a serious face because every time I let my mask slip and joke I end up regretting it, probably am autistic or something, though probably not. I remember on so many instances telling myself "shut up, from now on you don't say what isn't absolutely necessary". I guess at a certain point that lesson stuck and I've become a somber adult.

Not to mention that all my thoughts, knowledge, wisdom, references, jokes and what's fun about me is all in English, since I've spent all my life in front of a screen. Now irl I can't even be funny if I tried, I can barely put 2 sentences together in my native language without making a mistake, can't properly express myself in my native language, people actually thought I'm some kind of foreigner on occasions. Actually that's for other reasons, I seem to be unable to speak properly, I keep saying one word instead of another and shit like that, I think my brain is fried from too much rotting.

The problem with English/the own language happens with all studied people at some point, because most papers are written in English and because most people communicate in English in these jobs/studies at a higher level, even in my country everything above the absolute basics is taught to us in English and the profs have problems sometimes with their native language although being autochthonous.

Most likely I come off as boring. I am mostly all about my job. My interests are considered as degenerate by normalfags, I am mostly interested in zoology (especially arachnology/herpetology/ichthyology), botany, medicine, criminology, taxidermy/animal preparation, toxicology and history (especially Rome/Fascism/National Socialism) - the field where I work in probably sounds alien to most normalfags. The problem is that I as a person don't exist, I only talk about these topics and I am not knowledgeable in anything else.

I am literally defined by my job and it's everything I do outside of the Internet. Also small talk with others or group projects is something I despise, I don't like it when many people at the same time work on the same subject, I prefer working alone and without interference from the outside world until the job is done and then I like the critique. My favorite line of work would be as follows: You do that and I do that, after we are both done we can talk and then we can do a critique on what the other person did, I hate it when many people work on the same problem at the same time and constantly want to drag each other into other directions or offering unsolicited help, it's not that I hate other human beings (in fact I long for human contact and even talking to someone), but I hate it when I want to focus on solving the problem. I come off as snobby/anancastic easily.

The problem is also that I am very quiet, until someone pushes a buttom and then everything spews out. When I know nothing or many people talk I am mostly completely quiet.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

The problem with English/the own language happens with all studied people at some point, because most papers are written in English and because most people communicate in English in these jobs/studies at a higher level, even in my country everything above the absolute basics is taught to us in English and the profs have problems sometimes with their native language although being autochthonous.

Probably. I am mostly all about my job. My interests are considered as degenerate by normalfags, I am mostly interested in zoology (especially arachnology/herpetology/ichthyology), botany, medicine, criminology, taxidermy/animal preparation, toxicology and history (especially Rome/Fascism/National Socialism) - the field where I work in probably sounds alien to most normalfags. The problem is that I as a person don't exist, I only talk about these topics and I am not knowledgeable in anything else.

I am literally defined by my job and it's everything I do outside of the Internet. Also small talk with others or group projects is something I despise, I don't like it when more people at the same time work on the same subject, I prefer working alone and without interference from the outside world until the job is done and then I like the critique. My favorite line of work would be as follows: You do that and I do that, after we are both done we can talk and then we can do a critique on what the other person did, I hate it when many people work on the same problem at the same time and constantly want to drag each other into other directions or offering unsolicited help. I come off as snobby/anancastic easily.

The problem is also that I am very quiet, until someone pushes a buttom and then everything spews out.

Hey, that's not so bad. You're passionate about something, you have no idea how valuable that is. I've been trying to find something to be an interest, much less a passion, for years and years. Actively going down lists of activities/hobbies/interests/skills and finding nothing. I have an anhedonic, broken brain that can't find anything interesting. My point is that you should cherish your passions, it's quite a valuable thing you have there, the ability to have such a strong interest.

Also, it's not such a bad thing that you can mostly only talk about your interests/work. Most peopel don't have much else to add. Hell, they don't even have their own area of specialization, it's mostly just pop culture and stuff, TV and music and things like that. You don't really have to conform that way, just be nice/polite and relatively neutral, that's good enough. And no need to be ashamed of your interests, passion is a great thing and revealing it from time to time when appropriate is a good thing, can even be attractive/charismatic.

Good point about English at that level, but I'll probably be working some job where I don't use it at all or where the people around me barely speak it so I'll just look like a retard who can't speak his native language properly.

 

[PaperSkin]

It must suck to see yourself regress like that. I've lost a language (french) when I was young because I always interacted in english and never really put too much effort in continuing to learn my language, but when I became older I relearnt it, maybe out of guilt, maybe out of trying to reconnect with my past.

To answer your question though I haven't become completely boring, but my social skills have decided since pre-covid.

This. I'm back home from University, and at uni I pretty much locked myself in my dorm now that I'm back home in the city and having to run errands outside again I've noticed my social anxiety has gotten 100x worse to the point that I've become nocturnal. I can't bring myself to go out in broad daylight because it feels like my ugly and aspie-ness is in full frontal view as well as the fact thatI'm petrified of running into someone that I know. I like the feeling of anonymity I get from exclusively going out after dark.

Inceldom is wasting us away

 

[LOLI BREEDING]

no I'm extremely entertaining. redpillmaxxed

 

[Deleted member 7448]

This. I'm back home from University, and at uni I pretty much locked myself in my dorm now that I'm back home in the city and having to run errands outside again I've noticed my social anxiety has gotten 100x worse to the point that I've become nocturnal. I can't bring myself to go out in broad daylight because it feels like my ugly and aspie-ness is in full frontal view as well as the fact thatI'm petrified of running into someone that I know. I like the feeling of anonymity I get from exclusively going out after dark.

Inceldom is wasting us away

I'm also petrified of being seen by people that know me. Terrified, I actually did encounter one once, he wanted to shake my hand and I just walked on by and ignored him, still cringe thinking about that. I was just so mortified. And it's not cause of ugliness, though my baldness/teeth are a bit of an embarrassment, but my reputation from when I was an alcoholic for 2 years has left me with basically PTSD, and basically everyone I ever knew knows about my humiliations/cringe shit during those times, so I don't want to be seen by anyone.

 

[steadyCoping]

I'm pretty sure I'm getting dumber too, after being bullied and low status I think your brain just starts to shut down.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I'm pretty sure I'm getting dumber too, after being bullied and low status I think your brain just starts to shut down.

Yeah, the years of depression and rotting have made my brain foggy, slow, thoughts in disarray, hard to concentrate etc... It's bad, it's gotten very bad over the last few years. Too lazy to think any more but it's really bad.

 

[steadyCoping]

The problem with jestermaxxing when you are depressed is your jokes can cease to be jokes and just become a refection of bitterness and anger and you just expose yourself and now everyone knows that even you know your a failure.

 

[Tenshi]

I think I'm funny when I'm around people I feel comfortable with

 

[Deleted member 24876]

I am reserved irl because of my stutter so yea. But I can be entertaining with people I know well.

 

[AlexanderTheGreat11]

Yes

 

[Irredeemable]

I wouldn't say so. From time to time I can be witty and entertaining.

 

[Deleted member 32431]

i'll only try to have fun when i m bored of my boringness , til then i dont entertain others
they're not entitled to have me as a clown