I never thought there'd be anything wrong with me. I was 12 years old and was a normal kid in my class. I didn't see myself as inferior to anyone else. At that age, some of my classmates started kissing. I thought they were too precocious and that I was a good boy for staying away from that stuff. I never imagined that it was the normal time to start kissing. The adults said it was too early so I believed them. I never imagined that I was being left out due to not being attractive. I thought I was staying out of it purposefully due to being a good kid. But I was wrong. If I had been attractive, I would've naturally gravitated towards that kind of stuff.
I thought that by the time I was 14 I would get my first kiss and by the time I'm 16 I'd lose my virginity, I specifically had those age goals in my head. So far so good, time passes. I spend 13-14 living life carefree (already watching porn and masturbating but thinking it was too early for the real thing meanwhile lots of people my age were already doing it) mostly just watching anime, playing games and focusing on school / sports.
Then it hits me. I'm 14 years old and still nothing. I think to myself that it's all cool, that it's right around the corner and could happen any time now. I used to see it as something that would just happen to me, because that's something that just happens to people, right? Even though it was something distant that I couldn't really see myself doing any time soon, I still believed it was due soon.
At 15 i start getting worried, that's when my cope kicked in. I started telling myself that it was still normal to lose your first kiss at 15 or even up to 17.... Time kept passing and I finally looked around me and realised I wasn't going to happen. I had missed the mark.
I thought that by the time I was 14 I would get my first kiss and by the time I'm 16 I'd lose my virginity, I specifically had those age goals in my head. So far so good, time passes. I spend 13-14 living life carefree (already watching porn and masturbating but thinking it was too early for the real thing meanwhile lots of people my age were already doing it) mostly just watching anime, playing games and focusing on school / sports.
Then it hits me. I'm 14 years old and still nothing. I think to myself that it's all cool, that it's right around the corner and could happen any time now. I used to see it as something that would just happen to me, because that's something that just happens to people, right? Even though it was something distant that I couldn't really see myself doing any time soon, I still believed it was due soon.
At 15 i start getting worried, that's when my cope kicked in. I started telling myself that it was still normal to lose your first kiss at 15 or even up to 17.... Time kept passing and I finally looked around me and realised I wasn't going to happen. I had missed the mark.
