after learning about female nature & hypergamy, i've come to realise my dad is just a betabux. also, my mom's worldview revolves around the just world hypothesis, she believes that things happen due to some divine reason like pastlives or god deciding what happens to us. she lacks the capacity to understand science since she only has a highschool education and spends all day watching reality tv believing it's an accurate representation of reality and playing candy crush, so i doubt i can ever explain or convince her of any logical fallacies, biases, or blackpill ideas, her english is also very poor. we experience & perceive the world through extremely different lenses. it doesn't help that i have autism, i'm unable to talk in a way that sounds nice to her, i just reply in a monotone voice and expressionless face, which is how i talk to people most of the times unless i'm with very close friends. my family thinks i'm unhappy all the time, which is true when i'm with them. i'm happiest alone or with the few close friends i have. how can i act happy around my family when i've just been gaslit my whole life by them, also i was born because my autistic dad threatened suicide on my mom, she wanted to divorce several times. i grew up in a dysfunctional household rife with daily arguments in my whole teen years, i was never raised properly at all. my parents hate each other but they don't acknowledge it, it's like they're just kids who had kids. they lack introspection, critical thinking, the ability to listen to seek shared understanding. growing up i was just told to listen & obey commands because i was told they knew what's best for me, but they can't explain why. it makes me furious whenever i think of the past, "do you know how hard it is being a parent? do you know how much stress and sacrifice we experience for your sake? we only do it out of love, etc," when they couldn't control themselves, i was constantly berated and told how stupid, useless, worthless, and other insults i was. there were times when my dad strangled me and beat me until i piss and shit the floor because i lost a nokia phone but it actually just dropped out of my pants into the sofa between the pillows. but i've come to let that go about my dad in the past.
the only reason i don't hate my dad is because he's just an autist incel like me who didn't know better and his parents traumatised him. he's hardworking, and does his best. but my mom is unbelievably irritating & annoying, i don't want to just say it's because she's a woman, but she behaves according to female nature and she is so emotional all the time along with all the stuff i said above.
despite it all, i acknowledge that she's still my mom who sacrificed a lot for me, and i sincerely feel like she loves me, but i can't change the fact that i have this deep hate for her because of how i've come to understand female nature, the truth of how unfair the world is, and how i've always been gaslighted and told to be more positive or try harder or that nothing can be changed so i should just do my best.
how can i overcome such feelings of hate for my mom?
the only reason i don't hate my dad is because he's just an autist incel like me who didn't know better and his parents traumatised him. he's hardworking, and does his best. but my mom is unbelievably irritating & annoying, i don't want to just say it's because she's a woman, but she behaves according to female nature and she is so emotional all the time along with all the stuff i said above.
despite it all, i acknowledge that she's still my mom who sacrificed a lot for me, and i sincerely feel like she loves me, but i can't change the fact that i have this deep hate for her because of how i've come to understand female nature, the truth of how unfair the world is, and how i've always been gaslighted and told to be more positive or try harder or that nothing can be changed so i should just do my best.
how can i overcome such feelings of hate for my mom?
