any good jokes?

[trueman]

hey guys, i was just feeling down today as i think i accidentally caught feelings and its an absoulte b*tch and i have no chance but I just wanted to cheer up and ask if you know any good jokes? (btw I'm from Sweden)

here re the ones I know:
what do you get if a cow jumps over barbed wire? utter destruction.

 

[whitekidney]

my life right now

 

[E.C.C.O]

Your face

 

[torujo]

an incel femoid

 

[acnescarcel]

women can be incel

 

[Scorn]

personality

 

[Hunter]

society

 

[Deleted member 2798]

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?












A woman.

 

[UnfortunatelyINCEL98]

There are people getting beheaded right now





every minute


somewhere in the world


What did they do to deserve it?

Spoiler: Answer

Not Enough Confidence/ You arent entitled to a head bro

 

[trueman]

ok, haha im pretty new here and i feel very welcome, I was just hoping you know actual jokes, cause that would cheer me up?

like:
'-mommy where do the tampons go?
-they go where the babies coem from
-into teh STORCH???

or

i dont know why everyone thinks that i am not a a fair dad, i love all my kids equally, frank, robert, and the short ugly one.
i also know some stronger ones but they are kinda inappropriate and i dont know exactly if that is against the rules here :/

 

[Deleted member 2798]

What do you get when you cross a Jew with a toothbrush?








An angry Jew.

 

[trueman]

What do you get when you cross a Jew with a toothbrush?








An angry Jew.

hey so sorry i dont get it (maybe cause im not english native) is it because crossing can mean like species crossing as in breedig or just that jews dont like to brush their teeth?

 

[Juxtaposition6]

Sweden is the best nordic country

 

[last_man]

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

 

[trueman]

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

alright thats the content im here for. thans mate

 

[Kointo1]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

 

[Deleted member 2798]

hey so sorry i dont get it (maybe cause im not english native) is it because crossing can mean like species crossing as in breedig or just that jews dont like to brush their teeth?

Yeah, it might be a little arcane even for native speakers. The joke lies in definition 11 (to cross = to anger):

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/cross_1

 

[trueman]

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

haha laughing my ass off

Yeah, it might be a little arcane even for native speakers. The joke lies in definition 11 (to cross = to anger):

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/cross_1

alright thanks for expalining (i know its annoying to explain jokes) so does thta mean the joke is not in itself antisemit then? (again sorry for asking but here we are super politically correct and not that i care her online too much, just want to make sure if the joke is understood correctly can it be told in any audience?)

 

[Kointo1]

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

Spoiler

You made her chain too long

 

[Robtical]

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

 

[Deleted member 2798]

haha laughing my ass off

alright thanks for expalining (i know its annoying to explain jokes) so does thta mean the joke is not in itself antisemit then? (again sorry for asking but here we are super politically correct and not that i care her online too much, just want to make sure if the joke is understood correctly can it be told in any audience?)

The basic structure of the joke is just to set up the expectation that a combination will occur, so you could just as easily replace the two principal elements of the joke if you wanted to tell it for a more sensitive audience, e.g.:

What do you get when you cross a tiger with a broom?








Killed.

 

[Kointo1]

The basic structure of the joke is just to set up the expectation that a combination will occur, so you could just as easily replace the two principal elements of the joke if you wanted to tell it for a more sensitive audience, e.g.:

What do you get when you cross a tiger with a broom?








Killed.

Is your online status purposefully disabled? If not then go to "privacy" in your profile and make sure the first two boxes are checked.

 

[Alucard]

What do you call a cheap circumcision?... A rip off.

 

[Deleted member 2798]

Is your online status purposefully disabled? If not then go to "privacy" in your profile and make sure the first two boxes are checked.

I don't think so. I usually just log in to post then log out afterwards, which might cause some confusion.

 

[Kointo1]

I don't think so. I usually just log in to post then log out afterwards, which might cause some confusion.

Oh nevermind. Carry on.