I have Asperger's and I was taunted in school and by peers for years. I never had a strong group of friends during my high-school years and if I did find a group, I was always the least important and the "sick puppy" of the group. It frustrates me that despite the many reasons that we can be here on this website, some being how some people have treated us and our mental/emotional status because of that, people accuse incels of being bad people. I noticed that SJW-ish websites and newspapers call us killers or misogynists. Of course, there are the radicals that truly want people to go ER, but most of us just want to be accepted and feel included in society. For many, it is not even about the lack of sexual experiences. At least for myself, my involuntary celibacy is not what truly brought me here. It was the rejection and mistreatment by a select few in society that drove me here, to find those who could relate to my troubles.
For me, I recall the countless nights of me crying myself to sleep in dread of the next day knowing that it would be filled with awkward stares and conversations created out of pity. I never felt included. I tried everything. I never blamed anyone else for my failure to merge into the social circles of my school. I did blame, however, those who purposely tried to put me down, i.e. bullies and those who poked fun at me constantly for my awkwardness and lack of social awareness. This was earlier in my life, but it had a lasting impact. The times of being shoved face-first into a flower pot at 4-years old by some 18-year old Chads at a family friend's birthday party was the first experience that would lead me to have a distrust for "popular people" and fear them. In middle-school, I was brought into Xbox Party Chats to play Call of Duty with those whom I perceived at the time as "friends". They turned out not to be my friends. Not in the slightest. They used me as a verbal and mental punching bag, slinging their anger and hatred at me at full-speed. I just wanted to play games. I just wanted friends.
Into my years of high-school, I had zero trust for anyone. I swear that I was schizophrenic or at least paranoid. I could never make friends and I always believed that people were staring at me, trying to sketch me out to find any possible weaknesses that they could use to taunt me. At times, the faint sound of laughter from behind would cause a panic attack as I was convinced that they were laughing at me for something. I didn't know what it was, but I always felt vulnerable, as though they could smell my fear and insecurity. Looking back, I still don't know what they were laughing about. They could have just been having a good time with their friends. I will never know for sure, I suppose. Even typing this brings back memories that shake me to my core. My legs are numb and shaking right now as I finish this sentence. Those feelings of paranoia and being watched never went away. Most people in my life had no idea about my internal struggles, nor do I blame the innocent people who were just going about their day. I blame the people who took me into their group to be a "friend" when really they just wanted a sick puppy to poke at. It hurts.
I am curious to know what brought you all here and if any of you have had negative experiences like myself.
Also, if anyone here needs to ever talk about an issue, no matter how "silly" you may see it yourself, message me. I will help talk it out with you.
For me, I recall the countless nights of me crying myself to sleep in dread of the next day knowing that it would be filled with awkward stares and conversations created out of pity. I never felt included. I tried everything. I never blamed anyone else for my failure to merge into the social circles of my school. I did blame, however, those who purposely tried to put me down, i.e. bullies and those who poked fun at me constantly for my awkwardness and lack of social awareness. This was earlier in my life, but it had a lasting impact. The times of being shoved face-first into a flower pot at 4-years old by some 18-year old Chads at a family friend's birthday party was the first experience that would lead me to have a distrust for "popular people" and fear them. In middle-school, I was brought into Xbox Party Chats to play Call of Duty with those whom I perceived at the time as "friends". They turned out not to be my friends. Not in the slightest. They used me as a verbal and mental punching bag, slinging their anger and hatred at me at full-speed. I just wanted to play games. I just wanted friends.
Into my years of high-school, I had zero trust for anyone. I swear that I was schizophrenic or at least paranoid. I could never make friends and I always believed that people were staring at me, trying to sketch me out to find any possible weaknesses that they could use to taunt me. At times, the faint sound of laughter from behind would cause a panic attack as I was convinced that they were laughing at me for something. I didn't know what it was, but I always felt vulnerable, as though they could smell my fear and insecurity. Looking back, I still don't know what they were laughing about. They could have just been having a good time with their friends. I will never know for sure, I suppose. Even typing this brings back memories that shake me to my core. My legs are numb and shaking right now as I finish this sentence. Those feelings of paranoia and being watched never went away. Most people in my life had no idea about my internal struggles, nor do I blame the innocent people who were just going about their day. I blame the people who took me into their group to be a "friend" when really they just wanted a sick puppy to poke at. It hurts.
I am curious to know what brought you all here and if any of you have had negative experiences like myself.
Also, if anyone here needs to ever talk about an issue, no matter how "silly" you may see it yourself, message me. I will help talk it out with you.
