Ive been quite busy this past week, had a few deadlines, being learning some French and just keeping myself occupied with so much things.
On Thursday the UK was placed into a 4 week lockdown which meant Gyms have had to close sadly.
Therefore, I decided to go for a run, however I had planned to go when it's VERY VERY dark as my local park has absolutely no lighting and if you get stabbed: you're dead as nobody will find you until the next morning: I have no desire to live so if I get stabbed; it's a win.
Another benefit of running at night is how empty THE PARK SHOULD BE AT SUCH A TIME.
I had just finished my 2 laps and on a bench I faintly saw a figure. Oh it's probably some guy smoking cannabis, whatever. As I got closer, I realised it was 2 figures. A boy and a girl. They couldn't have been over 15 (based on height). Just there. Making out.
I wanted to just yell at them, but I couldn't. I wanted to repeatedly smash her face into the pavement for ruining what has been an ok week for me.
I've only thought about killing myself twice this week which is a huge improvement over the daily urge to die but they HAD TO RUIN IT.
WHY!?
WHY DID I HAVE TO BE REMINDED ABOUT MY CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT BOY WILL GROW UP TO BE CONFIDENT DUE TO THE ABUNDANT HISTORY OF PAST POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. TEEN LOVE. MEANWHILE ALL I HAVE MEMORIES OF IS BULLYING AND MISERY.
FUCK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I just wanted to Vent.
I hope i get fucking cancer or some shit.
LET. ME. DIE
On Thursday the UK was placed into a 4 week lockdown which meant Gyms have had to close sadly.
Therefore, I decided to go for a run, however I had planned to go when it's VERY VERY dark as my local park has absolutely no lighting and if you get stabbed: you're dead as nobody will find you until the next morning: I have no desire to live so if I get stabbed; it's a win.
Another benefit of running at night is how empty THE PARK SHOULD BE AT SUCH A TIME.
I had just finished my 2 laps and on a bench I faintly saw a figure. Oh it's probably some guy smoking cannabis, whatever. As I got closer, I realised it was 2 figures. A boy and a girl. They couldn't have been over 15 (based on height). Just there. Making out.
I wanted to just yell at them, but I couldn't. I wanted to repeatedly smash her face into the pavement for ruining what has been an ok week for me.
I've only thought about killing myself twice this week which is a huge improvement over the daily urge to die but they HAD TO RUIN IT.
WHY!?
WHY DID I HAVE TO BE REMINDED ABOUT MY CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT BOY WILL GROW UP TO BE CONFIDENT DUE TO THE ABUNDANT HISTORY OF PAST POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. TEEN LOVE. MEANWHILE ALL I HAVE MEMORIES OF IS BULLYING AND MISERY.
FUCK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I just wanted to Vent.
I hope i get fucking cancer or some shit.
LET. ME. DIE
Had Coronavirus symptoms myself this past 2 weeks.. been fantasising about never waking up from sleeping. It really sucks that the gyms are closing here. At least I have a treadmill at home because I literally hate going outside and being forced to look at happy retards going about their lives like there is nothing wrong.
