I used to be friends—or at least, speak frequently—with an elderly misogynist, H...
H. had eccentric beliefs about women at best, and I think it would be fair to say that he generally held them in contempt. Not even the role of motherhood could elevate women in H.’s eyes.
[...]
One day, during our long conversations, H. said to me that the worst thing you can do is tell a woman she’s gross.
Not ugly, not a whore, but gross.
In fact, the reason ugly and whore hurt so much is because they convey disgust, that’s really what you’re saying when you say those things. Women don’t mind being hated, H. said. Women love being hated—hatred is libidinal. What women can’t stand is being untouchable. That takes their power from them, and they know it. It’s what makes old women so bitter, in the best of times they’re invisible, and in the worst, disgusting.
I think I said something like, maybe all women should be grandmothers, then. Maybe we should respect our elders for their wisdom. Maybe then no old person would be bitter.
No, he insisted, women are nothing without their sexual power. It corrupts them even more. Think about what women do without it— they become child killers, abusive nurses.
[...]
Of course, there’s nothing as a young woman you can say to something like that. Just nod and move along. I wasn’t about to litigate this with an octogenarian.
[...]
...maybe they’re right, in some sense.
Maybe, for women, being called disgusting does convey a unique pain. Though I can’t imagine it feels great as a man, either.
