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So I've literally been rejected > 50 times I imagine when I showed clear interest in a woman I was interested in. Rejection is just what I expect. And yet
I still sometimes try when the situation is right, simply because the consequences of being rejected aren't bad. I got the idea for doing this post in reading another
thread about approaches and rejection. Here are a few ideas that may help make approaches more feasible by limiting the downsides and awkwardness of rejection.
1) Stop making 'cold' approaches in general with women you don't really know and don't know you. Especially in settings like large workplaces, a grocery store, hospital, starbucks, whatever. For even normal guys with a history of successful relationships, this strategy is worthless. Of course you're going to get rejected by making such a play.
2) Piggybacking off the above, the ideal situation would be a girl who is familar with you and you have spoken to before. Work is the obvious possible connection, but it could be other places she knows you from like church, the same gym classes(if you have regularly seen each other and interacted....again no cold random approaches), a fantasy football league, a siblings friend that you run into sometimes when you see your family, etc. Just something where they know you of you and ideally they can see you in your best element- like if you have a good job and supervise lots of people, they can see you doing that. Just something where there is a foundation there and they can see that you aren't weird AF.
3) Here's the key- you have to set up the advance such that it is very indirect and doesn't put the girl on the spot. An advance or move to gauge initial interest should never been plainly stated as such. Because then it's going to be awkward AF when she rejects you(which lets be honest there is a 97%+ chance of this as we're incels) directly or even passively.
So how is that done? Well there are so many scenarios/opportunities. Let's say you get a text from some girl you like at work who is texting you specifically for some work question. There is a natural friendly back and forth on the specifics of the work matter, but then the 'move' is as simple as you at the end of the text just twisting things and putting a little non-work spin on it. For example this:
incel: yeah, let's do the meeting at 9am; that will work.
her: ok; should we invite that new potential vendor as well?
incel: Yeah; if you are there you definately can charm them
So boom.....there it is. If the girl is interested in you, she will take it and pick up what you are doing from there. And you will(or should at least) be able to pick up on her interest or lack of interest based on that. For example, here is how her response may play out if she is not interested.
her: I don't know. Ok thanks.
Short, to the point; no emoji returned. She understands that the guy made his play in a subtle way and she rejected him. but there isn't going to be any lasting damage from that. She and he can still work together just fine. It wasn't awkward(as long as the guy picked up that she isn't interested and doesn't continue to throw out rope)
otoh, here is how her response may play out if she is interested.
her: Well thank you I hope it's a good hair day
Note the emoji in return, Note that she continued to take things away from a strictly work line of response. Now the above text back doesn't mean 100% that she is definately interested, but it does allow the possibility of a few more texts back and forth to better gauge this.
Obviously this is just one example, but there are literally thousands of other similar possibilities. The key is setting up the exchange so that you are giving her an opportunity to show she is interested or not with an exchange that isn't going to be awkward or damaging going forward.
The above sort of exchanges is how normal people with a history of successful relationships tested the waters initially on the possibility. They don't walk to some random cute girl at starbucks and make an approach by going "hi, can I buy you dinner?". They also don't explicitly ask a girl they have worked in the same dept with for the last 6 months and see everyday "hey, I like you. Can I take you out?".........if she likes you (which again is rare....we are incels for a reason) it might work out ok, but if she liked you the above approach I described will work too. And the major advantage is you set it up in such a way that it's not going to be awkward for you at work going forward.
I still sometimes try when the situation is right, simply because the consequences of being rejected aren't bad. I got the idea for doing this post in reading another
thread about approaches and rejection. Here are a few ideas that may help make approaches more feasible by limiting the downsides and awkwardness of rejection.
1) Stop making 'cold' approaches in general with women you don't really know and don't know you. Especially in settings like large workplaces, a grocery store, hospital, starbucks, whatever. For even normal guys with a history of successful relationships, this strategy is worthless. Of course you're going to get rejected by making such a play.
2) Piggybacking off the above, the ideal situation would be a girl who is familar with you and you have spoken to before. Work is the obvious possible connection, but it could be other places she knows you from like church, the same gym classes(if you have regularly seen each other and interacted....again no cold random approaches), a fantasy football league, a siblings friend that you run into sometimes when you see your family, etc. Just something where they know you of you and ideally they can see you in your best element- like if you have a good job and supervise lots of people, they can see you doing that. Just something where there is a foundation there and they can see that you aren't weird AF.
3) Here's the key- you have to set up the advance such that it is very indirect and doesn't put the girl on the spot. An advance or move to gauge initial interest should never been plainly stated as such. Because then it's going to be awkward AF when she rejects you(which lets be honest there is a 97%+ chance of this as we're incels) directly or even passively.
So how is that done? Well there are so many scenarios/opportunities. Let's say you get a text from some girl you like at work who is texting you specifically for some work question. There is a natural friendly back and forth on the specifics of the work matter, but then the 'move' is as simple as you at the end of the text just twisting things and putting a little non-work spin on it. For example this:
incel: yeah, let's do the meeting at 9am; that will work.
her: ok; should we invite that new potential vendor as well?
incel: Yeah; if you are there you definately can charm them
So boom.....there it is. If the girl is interested in you, she will take it and pick up what you are doing from there. And you will(or should at least) be able to pick up on her interest or lack of interest based on that. For example, here is how her response may play out if she is not interested.
her: I don't know. Ok thanks.
Short, to the point; no emoji returned. She understands that the guy made his play in a subtle way and she rejected him. but there isn't going to be any lasting damage from that. She and he can still work together just fine. It wasn't awkward(as long as the guy picked up that she isn't interested and doesn't continue to throw out rope)
otoh, here is how her response may play out if she is interested.
her: Well thank you I hope it's a good hair day
Note the emoji in return, Note that she continued to take things away from a strictly work line of response. Now the above text back doesn't mean 100% that she is definately interested, but it does allow the possibility of a few more texts back and forth to better gauge this.
Obviously this is just one example, but there are literally thousands of other similar possibilities. The key is setting up the exchange so that you are giving her an opportunity to show she is interested or not with an exchange that isn't going to be awkward or damaging going forward.
The above sort of exchanges is how normal people with a history of successful relationships tested the waters initially on the possibility. They don't walk to some random cute girl at starbucks and make an approach by going "hi, can I buy you dinner?". They also don't explicitly ask a girl they have worked in the same dept with for the last 6 months and see everyday "hey, I like you. Can I take you out?".........if she likes you (which again is rare....we are incels for a reason) it might work out ok, but if she liked you the above approach I described will work too. And the major advantage is you set it up in such a way that it's not going to be awkward for you at work going forward.
