gummybearcel
no gummy for your face
-
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2023
- Posts
- 1,172
Every day is just the same day, it's all sludge. I wake up and try and get shit done, I blink and the entire day has zoomed past with nothing gained, and then I get a random burst of motivation just before I sleep and resolve to be better tomorrow. This day has been my life for 6 years now. All hope of getting better has been squashed, all timetables and rotas and plans and schedules and fitmaxxing and nofapping and all that shit has already been tried. I tried therapy, but the only therapists I got were foids who had these weird aroused faces whenever I had a depressive tirade and then they'd treat me like a zoo animal. I tried antidepressants but they make you feel like a void instead of the bundle of self-hatred I normally am. I tried talking to normies and trying to make friends but every time they are always clearly disturbed around me without me even knowing why.
Scratch that, if this forum told me anything it's that I know why all of these things are happening to me. Autism and the wrong facial bone structure means I am not allowed in NT society. It's impossible to feel motivated or inspired when I have never even experienced feeling loved, wanted, appreciated and respected. I have not felt almost all positive emotions that allow humans to tolerate life. I have lived my entire life as an outsider cast away by everyone, my genes are trying to cull themselves. They are trying to tell me not to breed, or even risk breeding, and so they are shutting my body down because I am a genetic dead end.
What does one do? Other than rope or take drugs (not because they're illegal, but because idk how to obtain any). How do I become motivated without having friends or family, or even have anything to live for whatsoever? Ex-suicels please share some tips and tricks and maybe some supplements or regimens that can subdue my depression or at least restore motivation. I currently take lions mane, vitamin d and fish oil.
Scratch that, if this forum told me anything it's that I know why all of these things are happening to me. Autism and the wrong facial bone structure means I am not allowed in NT society. It's impossible to feel motivated or inspired when I have never even experienced feeling loved, wanted, appreciated and respected. I have not felt almost all positive emotions that allow humans to tolerate life. I have lived my entire life as an outsider cast away by everyone, my genes are trying to cull themselves. They are trying to tell me not to breed, or even risk breeding, and so they are shutting my body down because I am a genetic dead end.
What does one do? Other than rope or take drugs (not because they're illegal, but because idk how to obtain any). How do I become motivated without having friends or family, or even have anything to live for whatsoever? Ex-suicels please share some tips and tricks and maybe some supplements or regimens that can subdue my depression or at least restore motivation. I currently take lions mane, vitamin d and fish oil.