A Sympathetic Message of Reason

[Zroogz]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Hello, everyone. For the past year I have been aware of this community of guys struggling to have romantic or sexual relationships with women. You might want to hear me out for a minute. I'll tell you right now that I don't feel I fall under any category of person, though I will say now that I too have had an infuriating time getting women to notice me. 26 years old, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin. I too feel a sense of confusion on what women want from a guy, and what people expect in social situations in general. But I want to explain something to some others here that I truly think is important.[/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Let me tell you, I know this old Mr. Chad. I've seen him personally. He comes in many forms. And I couldn't contrast him to myself more strongly if I tried. When I was in high school, I had all the hope in the world of being a cool guy. By the first semester, my dreams were already being brutally cracked. People could just tell that I was eyeing the women; one very intelligent person in particular. He was a chad by any measure, and he brutally made fun of me. One time, when I was attempting to talk to a girl, he literally stole the woman's attention and made her decide to stop talking to me mid-conversation so she could talk to him instead. Natural selection I guess. [/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Then came my first time with roommates. I found myself with three other guys, athletic funny and sexually successful guys. One roommate was a total fuckboy, getting laid every week. As the months went on, I became grimly aware that I was I was a joke to these guys, and then I felt that I was a total joke in general. Before I make my first point, I would like to say that I also suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia and consequently was suffering from autism. I was a social dead duck. Talk about not having girls, let's talk about not having any meaningful interactions at all. But... at the end of my time with my roommates, the most successful chad fuckboy went and apologized to me, saying that he respected me because I was always staying positive and processing my emotions properly. I was a total basket case, and this guy said in some strange way that I was cool because I didn't cave in to anger, but accepted my own faults.[/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]All through college I never gave up at trying to be a fun and likable guy. I knew I was socially awkward, but I believed in my ability to think out of the box to correct this weakness. My attempts to make friends almost always backfired and left me heartbroken. But all I could think about was how it would eventually end. I may not have a girlfriend yet, nor have I lost my virginity, but I'll say right now that I think I am much closer to fixing this than some people that talk here. Theres a heart in all of us, one that feels pain and suffering. I've accepted that the only thing to do is open your heart and let the pain pass through. The best rock songs from guys like Jimi Hendrix always talk about heartbreak and sadness. It's something that is totally celebrated in this world. Hendrix himself would have easily fall into the incel category during his teenage years, along with being very poor and hopeless. But things change very fast when you get something of a plan going for your life. I know, rock stars are geniuses who got it lucky. Well, I don't deny that luck exists, but I also know in the power thinking long and hard about how to improve your life. My autism has dissapeared since I took antipsychotics, but I still had to figure ALOT on how to be a likable guy.[/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Social and romantic success is an immensly complex and challenging thing to figure out and achieve. Unfortunately, spinning your wheels on endless loops of rants and bitterness about women and your life is not going to achieve anything. Get real guys, everyone and their grandma knows that theres talk about rape and murder of women in this site. You guys have to swallow your hearts and learn that rebellion of the norm is something you an only do in humbleness and moderation. I saw a video from Fred Rogers (remember him?) about how absolutely everyone gets angry and sad at their life situation at some time, but he said that it is a part of growing up that you learn to handle your anger in a positive way buy talking out with yourself in others to feel BETTER, not WORSE about the whole deal. I know for a fact that life always gets better when you stay positive. Our emotions are transparent to others, and people will always be able to tell if you are a positive or negative person. If you hide your feelings in bitterness, you are shutting the doors of sympathy from others, especially girls. [/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]I've asked many girls what they want in a guy, and none of them gave the same answer. You must believe me, every woman is raised unique. Yes, some women are social climbers who want the most handsome fuckboy. SOME women. I can't stress how important it is to figure every woman out on an idividual basis, rather than making infantile generalizations about every girls mind. I may be a womanless virgin, but at least it can take some comfort in realizing that I can understand an individual girl. [/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Guys who are outcasts tend to be rebels. Seen the movie Rebel Without a Cause? James Dean was a rebel, and also loser. But he was also totally a guy who could offer and out of the box perspective on things. If you feel you are an outcast, then go ahead and find an alternative view on the world. No need to conform. But make sure it's not a view that espouses hatred and bitterness. The book Catcher in the Rye talks about a bitter and angry kid who hated society. Mark Chapman used Holden Caulfield's anger as a justification for shooting Lennon. The book's true message, however, was how sick and miserable Holden became because of his anger, eventually coming under psychiatric evaluation. The books says that hatred of society (along with girls) is really common. But Holden just kept going and going with his rants until get put himself in a shithole situation, and inspiring guys like Chapman to murder. The possibilty that you may end up in a mental ward is very real if you don't learn to process your feelings. I myself have spent a whole year in a group home after my first years in college. I spent that time calmly trying to figure things out. [/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]I will say that the world CAN be figured out in a personal way even if you don't have access to social and romantic situations. I read books, watched TV, studied music, and figured out of the box ways to improve my social abilities without being in contact with people. You don't know how flexible and adaptable the mind can be. What you make up in your mind can become real if you think carefully, and you will eventually find that right woman for you if you plan things out. I'm not speaking out of sucess, I'm speaking out of belief in myself, a belief that you guys should have too.[/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]Sorry if this was too long to read. I believe that you can only understand a person if you know them, care for them, and want the best out of them. So I had to make sure that my mind was fully vented. I came from having absolutely nothing to having tons of friends and a bright future. I faced the edge of doom in my life and was for awhile suicidal. Right now I'm learning music so I can join a rock band. Nowadays people talk about how much they love talking to me. I got my ability to process feelings positively along with thinking creatively and carefully to thank for that. My only regret was that I did cave into bitterness and blame-gaming on others. I have felt the temptation to hate women for not wanting me, but I think of all the stuff I mentioned here whenever I do that. I really, really hope I can help someone out with this message. Peace of mind starts from within. Start with yourself, not others.[/font]

[font=Tahoma,Verdana,Arial,Sans-Serif]This will be my only attempt to post this. If you admins don't want this on the board, then so be it. I tried.[/font]

 

[KV3]

I found the right woman. I wasn't right for her.

Anyway I still believe incels should do their best, but its a bit naive to claim we can figure the world out when denied so many critical formative milestones that are necessary to be a relatable and functional member of society.

You're claiming we can see a picture through a foggy lens, but in reality any attempts to truly figure things out will always have that quiet nagging doubt of never experiencing part of the world others live in. The best you can do while deprived of a critical spectrum of life is to settle, but it feels horrible. Mankind was meant to shoot for the stars, not be "just okay" with what we can get.

We are people too with hopes, dreams, aspirations, and potential. The fact you are encouraging us to just settle while others are free to chase our dreams is telling in itself.

 

[_incelinside]

Ever heard of a summary OP

 

[Deleted member 3155]

tl;dr

 

[Deleted member 3129]

youre delusional, bye Felicia

 

[Zroogz]

Ever heard of a summary OP

Fine then, pick a paragraph and just read one.

 

[Deleted member]

LMFAO at that wall of text. didn't even read a sentence of it

 

[kkt6]

less text, more sex

 

[VLÖ]

Report, move on.

 

[_incelinside]

The first mistake you made OP is asking what a woman wants in a man. Many women lack the self awareness to give their honest opinion on what they desire only accurate gauge of this is to observe their behaviour

 

[Zroogz]

I found the right woman. I wasn't right for her.

Anyway I still believe incels should do their best, but its a bit naive to claim we can figure the world out when denied so many critical formative milestones that are necessary to be a relatable and functional member of society.

You're claiming we can see a picture through a foggy lens, but in reality any attempts to truly figure things out will always have that quiet nagging doubt of never experiencing part of the world others live in. The best you can do while deprived of a critical spectrum of life is to settle, but it feels horrible. Mankind was meant to shoot for the stars, not be "just okay" with what we can get.

We are people too with hopes, dreams, aspirations, and potential. The fact you are encouraging us to just settle while others are free to chase our dreams is telling in itself.

Thanks for the thoughtful response. I will address the last sentence first, because I don't believe I said to "settle", and yes I can talk about this subject too. I believe it is just human nature to strive to improve ourselves. We got the man to the moon, for Christ sake. Just indicate exactly where I implied settling for less and I will clarify promptly.

It's understandable that the world seems to close the doors on some with figuring out how social situations work. I believe you are burdened by the idea of confidence, that is, a lack of doubt. You also talk about not being like others. I've dealt with both problems. Like I said, I was autistic till about 24. I've felt the very grim thought that it was just too damn late for me to get my act together.  I once worked as a dishwasher and every day after getting the dishes done I would obsessively stare at the other workers trying to figure out how the hell social situations worked. To put things into context, I'm going to give a science lesson on how the brain works. The brain has a structure called the neocortex, which is responsible for memory and identification of objects and concepts. Because of the neocortex, the brain learns things in an abstraction hierarchy, with minor details pyramiding up to abstract ideas. I've come to understand that true learning comes from a top-down analysis of the world. When I was a dishwasher, I was desperate to find an abstract theory of socialization that could get me on track to progress. It finally dawned on me that all socialization could be broken down into simple words. When I found these words that compose situations, I was suddenly able to have a basic understanding of social situations. I was autistic when I figured this out, mind you.

You might have some high standards for what is considered confidence and belonging with friends. Believe me, I do to. There's nothing wrong about feeling sad about it. Sadness can be a positive force. Me personally, I built my confidence by learning complete certainty in what I do and the effects of my actions. Remember Anton Chigurh from No Country for Old Men? He was just a guy who killed people who didn't act with certainty of their actions. That's the moral of the story: Be absolutely certain. And that's what I do. 

But I don't believe I've totally answered you. When you speak of milestones, you speak of status. You're thinking of a catch 22: No status, no opportunity. No opportunity, no status. Let me tell you that not only was I autistic but went through 10 years of homeschooling and 2 years of online school. It was like: "Because I didn't have any friends in the past, I can't have friends now or ever? That's not karma!" Okay, yeah, I admit, the world is full of douchebags who are very, very happy to indict you of not deserving of friends or status because you didn't figure it out in the past. But I've learned there are plenty of people who are willing to give you a shot if you manage to find some clever edge into a social arena. Me personally, I did this by watching tons of funny material to get my jokes up, read books to enhance my priviness to social complexities, and more recently learned guitar. There are TONS of things that you don't need permission to do to make yourself a more likable guy. Biking, skateboarding, sports clubs, exercise, whatever. 

If you ever seen Watchmen, you'll remember how Dr. Manhattan had to reconfigure himself after being quantum-scattered. Well we all start out as innocent children, then we eventually get quantum-scattered into a state of nothingness, metaphorically. To become successful, you're going to have to make numerous hideous attempts to reconfigure yourself to function. So, on a mental level, start with circulatory system, then the nerves, then the muscles and skeleton, then become a being of full understanding. Intelligence increases exponentially if disciplined daily and you could get out of the incel shithole in a matter of around 2 years if you do that. You lose by inches in the real world, but you win the game one inch at a time. Find your inches one by one and build them up. I can't guarantee you'll have the exact same type of status as the chad who was successful since he was 13, but what you will have will be truly your own and that's a way to be confident. To be wanting be another person is envy, which is an ancient sin, so just be your best self at the moment and then improve upon it.

Trust me when I say I've REALLY thought this through. I've spent at least 7 years thinking about this stuff. But if you have additional thoughts, please say so.

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The first mistake you made OP is asking what a woman wants in a man. Many women lack the self awareness to give their honest opinion on what they desire only accurate gauge of this is to observe their behaviour

The world can be phony like that, definitely. But to add details these women were already in a relationship with a man. They described the properties of their man to me, none were the same for any guy. Trust me there is no incel thought that didn't once come to my mind.

I've always been a very lucid and self-aware person, but I also know that no human being would lack self-awareness to the point where they would blatently lie about their own personal feelings (which is why I'm messaging you guys). In my experience, sincerity is a very desirable and sexy trait for both men and women. I understand that human sexual desire is a very primitive and fucked up thing, but BOTH guys and girls. Not some guys and girls, ALL of them. Yeah, girls might get hot for a handsome chad once and awhile, but that doesn't negate what they feel is the more responsible thing to do when desiring a guy. Studies have shown that nice guys actually have more sex with women then bad boys (no, I'm not talking about guys who leverage their dime-store politeness with a woman on terms of sex, I'm talking nice guys who are also socially privy)

Besides, your argument is incomplete. You say women don't have the self-awareness to know what they want, but you failed to argue that all women want is a chad thundercock. The women I talked may not be certain of what they want, but I know from who these girls are dating that they don't want chad thundercock. So,, Those two things are not the same thing. Give your further argument so I can address it also.

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I managed to get to the first paragraph and then got bored
Summary please?

Think outside the box with social situations stop being so damn bitter. Bitterness is not a valid emotion.