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Hello, everyone. For the past year I have been aware of this community of guys struggling to have romantic or sexual relationships with women. You might want to hear me out for a minute. I'll tell you right now that I don't feel I fall under any category of person, though I will say now that I too have had an infuriating time getting women to notice me. 26 years old, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin. I too feel a sense of confusion on what women want from a guy, and what people expect in social situations in general. But I want to explain something to some others here that I truly think is important.
Let me tell you, I know this old Mr. Chad. I've seen him personally. He comes in many forms. And I couldn't contrast him to myself more strongly if I tried. When I was in high school, I had all the hope in the world of being a cool guy. By the first semester, my dreams were already being brutally cracked. People could just tell that I was eyeing the women; one very intelligent person in particular. He was a chad by any measure, and he brutally made fun of me. One time, when I was attempting to talk to a girl, he literally stole the woman's attention and made her decide to stop talking to me mid-conversation so she could talk to him instead. Natural selection I guess.
Then came my first time with roommates. I found myself with three other guys, athletic funny and sexually successful guys. One roommate was a total fuckboy, getting laid every week. As the months went on, I became grimly aware that I was I was a joke to these guys, and then I felt that I was a total joke in general. Before I make my first point, I would like to say that I also suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia and consequently was suffering from autism. I was a social dead duck. Talk about not having girls, let's talk about not having any meaningful interactions at all. But... at the end of my time with my roommates, the most successful chad fuckboy went and apologized to me, saying that he respected me because I was always staying positive and processing my emotions properly. I was a total basket case, and this guy said in some strange way that I was cool because I didn't cave in to anger, but accepted my own faults.
All through college I never gave up at trying to be a fun and likable guy. I knew I was socially awkward, but I believed in my ability to think out of the box to correct this weakness. My attempts to make friends almost always backfired and left me heartbroken. But all I could think about was how it would eventually end. I may not have a girlfriend yet, nor have I lost my virginity, but I'll say right now that I think I am much closer to fixing this than some people that talk here. Theres a heart in all of us, one that feels pain and suffering. I've accepted that the only thing to do is open your heart and let the pain pass through. The best rock songs from guys like Jimi Hendrix always talk about heartbreak and sadness. It's something that is totally celebrated in this world. Hendrix himself would have easily fall into the incel category during his teenage years, along with being very poor and hopeless. But things change very fast when you get something of a plan going for your life. I know, rock stars are geniuses who got it lucky. Well, I don't deny that luck exists, but I also know in the power thinking long and hard about how to improve your life. My autism has dissapeared since I took antipsychotics, but I still had to figure ALOT on how to be a likable guy.
Social and romantic success is an immensly complex and challenging thing to figure out and achieve. Unfortunately, spinning your wheels on endless loops of rants and bitterness about women and your life is not going to achieve anything. Get real guys, everyone and their grandma knows that theres talk about rape and murder of women in this site. You guys have to swallow your hearts and learn that rebellion of the norm is something you an only do in humbleness and moderation. I saw a video from Fred Rogers (remember him?) about how absolutely everyone gets angry and sad at their life situation at some time, but he said that it is a part of growing up that you learn to handle your anger in a positive way buy talking out with yourself in others to feel BETTER, not WORSE about the whole deal. I know for a fact that life always gets better when you stay positive. Our emotions are transparent to others, and people will always be able to tell if you are a positive or negative person. If you hide your feelings in bitterness, you are shutting the doors of sympathy from others, especially girls.
I've asked many girls what they want in a guy, and none of them gave the same answer. You must believe me, every woman is raised unique. Yes, some women are social climbers who want the most handsome fuckboy. SOME women. I can't stress how important it is to figure every woman out on an idividual basis, rather than making infantile generalizations about every girls mind. I may be a womanless virgin, but at least it can take some comfort in realizing that I can understand an individual girl.
Guys who are outcasts tend to be rebels. Seen the movie Rebel Without a Cause? James Dean was a rebel, and also loser. But he was also totally a guy who could offer and out of the box perspective on things. If you feel you are an outcast, then go ahead and find an alternative view on the world. No need to conform. But make sure it's not a view that espouses hatred and bitterness. The book Catcher in the Rye talks about a bitter and angry kid who hated society. Mark Chapman used Holden Caulfield's anger as a justification for shooting Lennon. The book's true message, however, was how sick and miserable Holden became because of his anger, eventually coming under psychiatric evaluation. The books says that hatred of society (along with girls) is really common. But Holden just kept going and going with his rants until get put himself in a shithole situation, and inspiring guys like Chapman to murder. The possibilty that you may end up in a mental ward is very real if you don't learn to process your feelings. I myself have spent a whole year in a group home after my first years in college. I spent that time calmly trying to figure things out.
I will say that the world CAN be figured out in a personal way even if you don't have access to social and romantic situations. I read books, watched TV, studied music, and figured out of the box ways to improve my social abilities without being in contact with people. You don't know how flexible and adaptable the mind can be. What you make up in your mind can become real if you think carefully, and you will eventually find that right woman for you if you plan things out. I'm not speaking out of sucess, I'm speaking out of belief in myself, a belief that you guys should have too.
Sorry if this was too long to read. I believe that you can only understand a person if you know them, care for them, and want the best out of them. So I had to make sure that my my mind was fully vented. I came from having absolutely nothing to having tons of friends and a bright future. I faced the edge of doom in my life and was for awhile suicidal. Right now I'm learning music so I can join a rock band. Nowadays people talk about how much they love talking to me. I got my ability to process feelings positively along with thinking creatively and carefully to thank for that. My only regret was that I did cave into bitterness and blame-gaming on others. I have felt the temptation to hate women for not wanting me, but I think of all the stuff I mentioned here whenever I do that. I really, really hope I can help someone out with this message. Peace of mind starts from within. Start with yourself, not others.
This will be my only attempt to post this. If you admins don't want this on the board, then so be it. I tried.
Let me tell you, I know this old Mr. Chad. I've seen him personally. He comes in many forms. And I couldn't contrast him to myself more strongly if I tried. When I was in high school, I had all the hope in the world of being a cool guy. By the first semester, my dreams were already being brutally cracked. People could just tell that I was eyeing the women; one very intelligent person in particular. He was a chad by any measure, and he brutally made fun of me. One time, when I was attempting to talk to a girl, he literally stole the woman's attention and made her decide to stop talking to me mid-conversation so she could talk to him instead. Natural selection I guess.
Then came my first time with roommates. I found myself with three other guys, athletic funny and sexually successful guys. One roommate was a total fuckboy, getting laid every week. As the months went on, I became grimly aware that I was I was a joke to these guys, and then I felt that I was a total joke in general. Before I make my first point, I would like to say that I also suffer from Paranoid Schizophrenia and consequently was suffering from autism. I was a social dead duck. Talk about not having girls, let's talk about not having any meaningful interactions at all. But... at the end of my time with my roommates, the most successful chad fuckboy went and apologized to me, saying that he respected me because I was always staying positive and processing my emotions properly. I was a total basket case, and this guy said in some strange way that I was cool because I didn't cave in to anger, but accepted my own faults.
All through college I never gave up at trying to be a fun and likable guy. I knew I was socially awkward, but I believed in my ability to think out of the box to correct this weakness. My attempts to make friends almost always backfired and left me heartbroken. But all I could think about was how it would eventually end. I may not have a girlfriend yet, nor have I lost my virginity, but I'll say right now that I think I am much closer to fixing this than some people that talk here. Theres a heart in all of us, one that feels pain and suffering. I've accepted that the only thing to do is open your heart and let the pain pass through. The best rock songs from guys like Jimi Hendrix always talk about heartbreak and sadness. It's something that is totally celebrated in this world. Hendrix himself would have easily fall into the incel category during his teenage years, along with being very poor and hopeless. But things change very fast when you get something of a plan going for your life. I know, rock stars are geniuses who got it lucky. Well, I don't deny that luck exists, but I also know in the power thinking long and hard about how to improve your life. My autism has dissapeared since I took antipsychotics, but I still had to figure ALOT on how to be a likable guy.
Social and romantic success is an immensly complex and challenging thing to figure out and achieve. Unfortunately, spinning your wheels on endless loops of rants and bitterness about women and your life is not going to achieve anything. Get real guys, everyone and their grandma knows that theres talk about rape and murder of women in this site. You guys have to swallow your hearts and learn that rebellion of the norm is something you an only do in humbleness and moderation. I saw a video from Fred Rogers (remember him?) about how absolutely everyone gets angry and sad at their life situation at some time, but he said that it is a part of growing up that you learn to handle your anger in a positive way buy talking out with yourself in others to feel BETTER, not WORSE about the whole deal. I know for a fact that life always gets better when you stay positive. Our emotions are transparent to others, and people will always be able to tell if you are a positive or negative person. If you hide your feelings in bitterness, you are shutting the doors of sympathy from others, especially girls.
I've asked many girls what they want in a guy, and none of them gave the same answer. You must believe me, every woman is raised unique. Yes, some women are social climbers who want the most handsome fuckboy. SOME women. I can't stress how important it is to figure every woman out on an idividual basis, rather than making infantile generalizations about every girls mind. I may be a womanless virgin, but at least it can take some comfort in realizing that I can understand an individual girl.
Guys who are outcasts tend to be rebels. Seen the movie Rebel Without a Cause? James Dean was a rebel, and also loser. But he was also totally a guy who could offer and out of the box perspective on things. If you feel you are an outcast, then go ahead and find an alternative view on the world. No need to conform. But make sure it's not a view that espouses hatred and bitterness. The book Catcher in the Rye talks about a bitter and angry kid who hated society. Mark Chapman used Holden Caulfield's anger as a justification for shooting Lennon. The book's true message, however, was how sick and miserable Holden became because of his anger, eventually coming under psychiatric evaluation. The books says that hatred of society (along with girls) is really common. But Holden just kept going and going with his rants until get put himself in a shithole situation, and inspiring guys like Chapman to murder. The possibilty that you may end up in a mental ward is very real if you don't learn to process your feelings. I myself have spent a whole year in a group home after my first years in college. I spent that time calmly trying to figure things out.
I will say that the world CAN be figured out in a personal way even if you don't have access to social and romantic situations. I read books, watched TV, studied music, and figured out of the box ways to improve my social abilities without being in contact with people. You don't know how flexible and adaptable the mind can be. What you make up in your mind can become real if you think carefully, and you will eventually find that right woman for you if you plan things out. I'm not speaking out of sucess, I'm speaking out of belief in myself, a belief that you guys should have too.
Sorry if this was too long to read. I believe that you can only understand a person if you know them, care for them, and want the best out of them. So I had to make sure that my my mind was fully vented. I came from having absolutely nothing to having tons of friends and a bright future. I faced the edge of doom in my life and was for awhile suicidal. Right now I'm learning music so I can join a rock band. Nowadays people talk about how much they love talking to me. I got my ability to process feelings positively along with thinking creatively and carefully to thank for that. My only regret was that I did cave into bitterness and blame-gaming on others. I have felt the temptation to hate women for not wanting me, but I think of all the stuff I mentioned here whenever I do that. I really, really hope I can help someone out with this message. Peace of mind starts from within. Start with yourself, not others.
This will be my only attempt to post this. If you admins don't want this on the board, then so be it. I tried.
