Every once in a while a get a glimpse of a feeling that I only felt as a young children, A magical euphoria that gives me partial clarity. Of course this feeling isn't perfect it's like picking up a weak signal, it's all distorted by the mess that is my current mind. It's a feeling that's hard to put into words but it feels like the world is once again magical place full of wonder and that I can do anything and be anything distorted by my mental illnesses that wish to keep me down.
It happens it the most random times but only during the night or the morning when I wake up in darkness which may be related to having to get up for school a being subconsciously reminded of the life I used to have, a better life where things were a lot more simple and video games could hold my attention for the entire day. A better life when I actually had hope for the future. If I could wake up in the morning everyday just before the sun rises I would but I am unable to control my own sleep as i can only sleep when I naturally get tired which always happens 1 to 2 hours after the time I went to sleep the previous day.
This feeling never lasts that long, a couple hours at most then the harsh reality that I am living in consumes me for the rest of the day. If only i could capture this feeling and feel it to it's fullest for the entire day.
It happens it the most random times but only during the night or the morning when I wake up in darkness which may be related to having to get up for school a being subconsciously reminded of the life I used to have, a better life where things were a lot more simple and video games could hold my attention for the entire day. A better life when I actually had hope for the future. If I could wake up in the morning everyday just before the sun rises I would but I am unable to control my own sleep as i can only sleep when I naturally get tired which always happens 1 to 2 hours after the time I went to sleep the previous day.
This feeling never lasts that long, a couple hours at most then the harsh reality that I am living in consumes me for the rest of the day. If only i could capture this feeling and feel it to it's fullest for the entire day.
