All right so when I was kid I had foid playmate when I was six or five
They moved out to different city when I was 8 or 9
I met up with her at 19 after so many years
I thought she would not even remember me she was nice to no foid had ever been nice to me they are made fun of me either for my face or how I acted
I had never been touched
And too be honest I did not mind it that much I was in my room all day and did not go outside to see chads slaying
And since I had never been liked by any girl I did not even knew about it so I did not long for it
To be frank she did not hug me played with her hair I'm 4/10 why should she
She was just nice
Just nice
And then I realized how much I wanted love and I couldn't get she showed me how it felt to talk an real girl who wasn't bullying you
And then she disappeared like thin air
Maybe to her chad boyfriend
This is what I felt at moment this should depicted what happens when a foid is nice to a sub 5
And also I wrote this in an extremely stressed and unstable it was so bad that you could almost assume I was high from it
Here we go this what I felt and happened
if you fail again I will mark you
That was the childish threat that you made back then and yet again I failed in a game that was not meant to be won
I looked at your face to read your expression
it was filled with rage and turmoil I couldn't look away if I had I might have been saved but I couldn't perhaps because of something primal hucked into my brain, by thousands upon thousands of years of evolution, the purest expression of fear
I froze and you grabbed the pen and wielded it
and just like that without ever resisting I was marked I felt the blue ink slowly sinking into the pores of my skin and there it was tattooed across my wrist your mark
I had to excuse myself and frantically run to the bathroom where I could finally take a look at it
it was indeed a crude shape a straight line exactly
10.5 millimeters in length and 1millimeters in diameter followed by a half circle drawn over the same line
it was indeed a crude shape something that a child would draw not a woman of your stature
but despite all of that I was tranced by it
the shape of it inscribed onto the deepest layer of my neural network
I kept staring at it
during the rest of the game
when I was going home
in my sleep
and I kept staring and staring for days with no stop in mind
during this time a feeling that was not even equal to one billionth of what I had felt upon you bestowing this mark upon me creeped in
it was anticipation,
anticipation but the anticipation of what?
was it the anticipation of you returning and claiming what is now yours
but again what was it?
was it my flesh? my soul? my sanity?
I kept waiting and waiting for was it all In vain and one day I rose and found your mark to be faded
and finally, I came to understand what it all meant
that crude shape that you drew that night was not a mark it was a curse
it was the curse of desire
something that I had never possessed
and what I desire is you
but now you are long long gone
your visceral love warmth rage anguish pain torment I desire it all but it is never for me to have
that is the nature of your curse
and it was only then that I began to hate
hate, hate for you I hate
.........
Thanks for reading
They moved out to different city when I was 8 or 9
I met up with her at 19 after so many years
I thought she would not even remember me she was nice to no foid had ever been nice to me they are made fun of me either for my face or how I acted
I had never been touched
And too be honest I did not mind it that much I was in my room all day and did not go outside to see chads slaying
And since I had never been liked by any girl I did not even knew about it so I did not long for it
To be frank she did not hug me played with her hair I'm 4/10 why should she
She was just nice
Just nice
And then I realized how much I wanted love and I couldn't get she showed me how it felt to talk an real girl who wasn't bullying you
And then she disappeared like thin air
Maybe to her chad boyfriend
This is what I felt at moment this should depicted what happens when a foid is nice to a sub 5
And also I wrote this in an extremely stressed and unstable it was so bad that you could almost assume I was high from it
Here we go this what I felt and happened
if you fail again I will mark you
That was the childish threat that you made back then and yet again I failed in a game that was not meant to be won
I looked at your face to read your expression
it was filled with rage and turmoil I couldn't look away if I had I might have been saved but I couldn't perhaps because of something primal hucked into my brain, by thousands upon thousands of years of evolution, the purest expression of fear
I froze and you grabbed the pen and wielded it
and just like that without ever resisting I was marked I felt the blue ink slowly sinking into the pores of my skin and there it was tattooed across my wrist your mark
I had to excuse myself and frantically run to the bathroom where I could finally take a look at it
it was indeed a crude shape a straight line exactly
10.5 millimeters in length and 1millimeters in diameter followed by a half circle drawn over the same line
it was indeed a crude shape something that a child would draw not a woman of your stature
but despite all of that I was tranced by it
the shape of it inscribed onto the deepest layer of my neural network
I kept staring at it
during the rest of the game
when I was going home
in my sleep
and I kept staring and staring for days with no stop in mind
during this time a feeling that was not even equal to one billionth of what I had felt upon you bestowing this mark upon me creeped in
it was anticipation,
anticipation but the anticipation of what?
was it the anticipation of you returning and claiming what is now yours
but again what was it?
was it my flesh? my soul? my sanity?
I kept waiting and waiting for was it all In vain and one day I rose and found your mark to be faded
and finally, I came to understand what it all meant
that crude shape that you drew that night was not a mark it was a curse
it was the curse of desire
something that I had never possessed
and what I desire is you
but now you are long long gone
your visceral love warmth rage anguish pain torment I desire it all but it is never for me to have
that is the nature of your curse
and it was only then that I began to hate
hate, hate for you I hate
.........
Thanks for reading
