And not only do I stalk every link containing her name. I also used to have fake gmails spamming her "You are beautiful" daily, for maybe 60 days straight some periods of time a few years ago. I never had a reply kek. I started doing so maybe 2 years after not seeing her or so, so maybe the thought it's me never entered her mind. I sent another one, first in 3 years. just today. 
Now she finally had her first photos on the internet, she's got into linkedin. Then I found more photos using that of a linkedin. She's gorgeous. I feel so fucking SHIT LOL. She didn't have an insta until 2 years ago, she's not even using it, only posted 2 pictures of nature and a duck with her 4 megapixel telephone camera. She also has a profile on some botanic site, she has 1200 posts of photos with bugz, animals, plants, etc. I check every photo to maybe see her finger or something. I even have feeling just reading her descriptions of those photos.
She's the REAL trad no matter how corny it sounds, her dad raised his daughters very well. I wish I wasn't a fucking mentally ill loser from fucked up background.
She could be my wife. She could be a mother of my children. But she most likely already had sex, or if she's virgin she'll just wanting to give that virginity to a real masculine, strong, good looking, NORMAL, 8/10 chad.
I haven't seen her for 6 years, yet I get weak in my legs by just a thought of her. She's the love of my life, but she's either getting railed by a better male/males, or just preparing herself for a high IQ, high masculinity, high social skills, high looks man.
Normal people grow so much it's unreal. They have all those growing points, in their romantic life, in their social life, in their career life. You know, like first bf, first lecture, first huge social event, etc. etc. They grow, while we rot. While we inside stay the same age and rot.
I will never stop being hurt by this. Literally never. It will never stop. She should be my first love and first relationships. She's the love of my life. I hate my family for what they did to me in my childhood. I hate the chemical state of my brain. I could be with her, we would have kids, we would both make small discoveries in mathematics. We would be happy.
Pathetic? Yes. But that's me and I can't do nothing with this.
Now she finally had her first photos on the internet, she's got into linkedin. Then I found more photos using that of a linkedin. She's gorgeous. I feel so fucking SHIT LOL. She didn't have an insta until 2 years ago, she's not even using it, only posted 2 pictures of nature and a duck with her 4 megapixel telephone camera. She also has a profile on some botanic site, she has 1200 posts of photos with bugz, animals, plants, etc. I check every photo to maybe see her finger or something. I even have feeling just reading her descriptions of those photos.
She's the REAL trad no matter how corny it sounds, her dad raised his daughters very well. I wish I wasn't a fucking mentally ill loser from fucked up background.
She could be my wife. She could be a mother of my children. But she most likely already had sex, or if she's virgin she'll just wanting to give that virginity to a real masculine, strong, good looking, NORMAL, 8/10 chad.
I haven't seen her for 6 years, yet I get weak in my legs by just a thought of her. She's the love of my life, but she's either getting railed by a better male/males, or just preparing herself for a high IQ, high masculinity, high social skills, high looks man.
Normal people grow so much it's unreal. They have all those growing points, in their romantic life, in their social life, in their career life. You know, like first bf, first lecture, first huge social event, etc. etc. They grow, while we rot. While we inside stay the same age and rot.
I will never stop being hurt by this. Literally never. It will never stop. She should be my first love and first relationships. She's the love of my life. I hate my family for what they did to me in my childhood. I hate the chemical state of my brain. I could be with her, we would have kids, we would both make small discoveries in mathematics. We would be happy.
Pathetic? Yes. But that's me and I can't do nothing with this.
