1. Childhood: As a child, I felt pain every day. I was neglected, ignored, and hurt by everybody in my life. I never understood why, but deep down, I convinced myself I deserved it. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, maybe I was too much, maybe it was just my fate. It was all I knew, and I accepted it because I thought it was what I deserved.
2. Internalizing the Pain: As I grew up, the belief that I deserved this pain became a part of who I was. Every unkind word, every rejection, every moment of loneliness felt like confirmation that I wasn’t worth anything. I thought I had to suffer, that it was the price I had to pay for simply existing. I stopped fighting it because it felt like it was just my place in life—to be hurt, to be ignored, to be forgotten.
3. Adulthood Struggles: When I entered adulthood, the scars from my childhood were already there. I struggled to trust people, to let anyone in, because deep down, I believed I wasn’t worthy of love or kindness. I couldn't see my own value, and every time someone hurt me, it felt like a reminder that I had always been destined for pain. It felt like I would never escape the cycle of being treated like I didn’t matter.
4. Now: Now, I still carry that pain with me. I can’t let go of the belief that I somehow deserve the hurt that others put me through. It’s like I’ve become numb to it, accepting it as my reality. I feel like I’ll never be free from it, that this is just the person I was meant to be—the one who always suffers. I wish I could believe otherwise, but the sadness has become so familiar, I don’t know how to let it go.
2. Internalizing the Pain: As I grew up, the belief that I deserved this pain became a part of who I was. Every unkind word, every rejection, every moment of loneliness felt like confirmation that I wasn’t worth anything. I thought I had to suffer, that it was the price I had to pay for simply existing. I stopped fighting it because it felt like it was just my place in life—to be hurt, to be ignored, to be forgotten.
3. Adulthood Struggles: When I entered adulthood, the scars from my childhood were already there. I struggled to trust people, to let anyone in, because deep down, I believed I wasn’t worthy of love or kindness. I couldn't see my own value, and every time someone hurt me, it felt like a reminder that I had always been destined for pain. It felt like I would never escape the cycle of being treated like I didn’t matter.
4. Now: Now, I still carry that pain with me. I can’t let go of the belief that I somehow deserve the hurt that others put me through. It’s like I’ve become numb to it, accepting it as my reality. I feel like I’ll never be free from it, that this is just the person I was meant to be—the one who always suffers. I wish I could believe otherwise, but the sadness has become so familiar, I don’t know how to let it go.
