Had to make a post abt this before the day ended. I guess it’s kind of a celebration, but… not really. It’s absolutely miserable that I’ve found myself in this position, and I truly wish I was never born.
I know I say this a lot, but it’s crazy to think we have just one life. Mine is, of course, stuck to being spent posting in BP spaces, furiously masturbating, and attempting to cope with escapism. It’s a ridiculous, purposeless, meaningless existence that’s being sustained purely out of survival instinct and a lack of access to a firearm. I wake up every day feeling like absolute shit, and I just don’t see a chance I can sustain this life past age 30.
I wonder if there’s a point to an existence that isn’t full of constant excitement and/or meaning. I know the amount of “great men” in history is incredibly few and far between, but to think that anyone at all got to live like that and make a mark on history while I’m stuck doing whatever the hell this is just destroys me. To be stuck living in my own head while the lives of other men inspired normoid escapist fantasies is just so miserable.
OCD makes my inner life insufferable as well, as if the external world isn’t fucked enough. From my mind’s eye being constantly cluttered with gibberish thoughts and visuals, to random songs being constantly replayed in my head, to me maladaptively fixating on the most random and specific things and destroying my mental health over them, it’s safe to say this illness has competely raped my clarity of thought. I can comfortably say I’d rather be autistic than deal with this.
Every little detail about myself, from my subhuman genetics/race to my circumstances of birth is just proof that if God is real, he isn’t benevolent. And despite all this, I’m not even the guy who has it the worst on this forum..
I know I say this a lot, but it’s crazy to think we have just one life. Mine is, of course, stuck to being spent posting in BP spaces, furiously masturbating, and attempting to cope with escapism. It’s a ridiculous, purposeless, meaningless existence that’s being sustained purely out of survival instinct and a lack of access to a firearm. I wake up every day feeling like absolute shit, and I just don’t see a chance I can sustain this life past age 30.
I wonder if there’s a point to an existence that isn’t full of constant excitement and/or meaning. I know the amount of “great men” in history is incredibly few and far between, but to think that anyone at all got to live like that and make a mark on history while I’m stuck doing whatever the hell this is just destroys me. To be stuck living in my own head while the lives of other men inspired normoid escapist fantasies is just so miserable.
OCD makes my inner life insufferable as well, as if the external world isn’t fucked enough. From my mind’s eye being constantly cluttered with gibberish thoughts and visuals, to random songs being constantly replayed in my head, to me maladaptively fixating on the most random and specific things and destroying my mental health over them, it’s safe to say this illness has competely raped my clarity of thought. I can comfortably say I’d rather be autistic than deal with this.
Every little detail about myself, from my subhuman genetics/race to my circumstances of birth is just proof that if God is real, he isn’t benevolent. And despite all this, I’m not even the guy who has it the worst on this forum..
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