Wonder if loneliness can rot the brain away

[bigantennaemay1]

I took a nap for a couple hours, had a dream/nightmare, can't tell which at this point, that was pretty much my waking life, but even more vibrantly surreal. Crippling loneliness, both from lack of any sexual/romantic success/partner, but also from a lack of any real friendships, considering it's been over a month since I've even spoken to anyone aside from my father. I could feel every fiber of loneliness crushing me like some cosmic hateful force, and it felt real. I thought I was awake, and even now, I can't tell if it was memory, or dream. When I first woke, I didn't even realize I had awoken; I just went to go lock the back door and made to lay down again. I think it was hunger that gave away that I was awake; I don't ever get hungry in dreams.

Even this weird, sparkling uhh, I don't even know, it was like a mist, but not really. Or not really there, but I could see it shimmering. Never called it into question, but it was omnipresent in my dream, and it resonated with my loneliness, and seemed normal and natural. I'm slowly losing it. I wonder if my brain is rotting away from the inside. I don't remember exactly, but for some reason, I recall seeing a study once that showed a connection between chronic loneliness and developing dementia, or something. I don't know if it was real, or even a study; I don't suppose anyone knows anything of it? I wonder if I'm legit losing my mind.

This isn't even the only dream I've had in recent times that's like this. It's becoming a normal thing. I relive a part of my life, or live something new that seems real, but surreal at the same time. Often, I can't tell if I'm asleep or awake, either while dreaming or even after waking. How much of a nightmare does life have to be to be indistinguishable from actual nightmares, I wonder. Because some of these dreams take a really dark turn, and I still can't tell the difference sometimes, until I've analyzed it later. It just feels like I'm drifting, or life is dragging me along, unaware that someone is being dragged behind across rocks, coals, and shit, and not quite dead yet. I think if souls are real, mine is on its deathbed. I'm really fuckin' horrible at putting things into words, but it feels like all the stuff I've read in Lovecraft is real. I just feel a dark foreboding all the time, of cosmic hatred I can't understand, and can't shake away. And it's all just normal to me now. This stuff would have paralyzed me fear, I'm sure, when I was much younger. Now, it's just normal. This is my cursed existence.

I just needed to get this off my chest, it's been a rough day, a rough week, and a rough year.

 

[littlemanhikicel]

That sounds bad. Maybe you have to do some copes outside to see ppl , birds flying, trees. When I'm bored af, time to time I go outside and that calms me down. Or maybe you have to go to a psychiatrist.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I guess it has been a while since I've been outside. There's been some miserable heat with abysmally miserable humidity in my area for over a month that have discouraged me from it, but I think you're right. I'll take a break from the indoors tomorrow I think. Hopefully that will clear my head a bit.

 

[Dionysus]

Lonliness is way dangerous than obesity

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Yeah, I've read about how loneliness can have a lot of health implications, but I don't remember many of the specifics.

 

[Evildоer]

Lack of physical touch is strongly correlated with increased risks of suicide, depressia, insomnia, etc

 

[bigantennaemay1]

Yeah, remember some of that. It's funny how lack of physical touch in and of itself is unpleasant, to say the least, but then it comes with side "punishments" for lacking that touch, like the stuff you listed and then some. Almost like life likes to double down on its cruelty.

 

[Emba]

I took a nap for a couple hours, had a dream/nightmare, can't tell which at this point, that was pretty much my waking life, but even more vibrantly surreal. Crippling loneliness, both from lack of any sexual/romantic success/partner, but also from a lack of any real friendships, considering it's been over a month since I've even spoken to anyone aside from my father. I could feel every fiber of loneliness crushing me like some cosmic hateful force, and it felt real. I thought I was awake, and even now, I can't tell if it was memory, or dream. When I first woke, I didn't even realize I had awoken; I just went to go lock the back door and made to lay down again. I think it was hunger that gave away that I was awake; I don't ever get hungry in dreams.

Even this weird, sparkling uhh, I don't even know, it was like a mist, but not really. Or not really there, but I could see it shimmering. Never called it into question, but it was omnipresent in my dream, and it resonated with my loneliness, and seemed normal and natural. I'm slowly losing it. I wonder if my brain is rotting away from the inside. I don't remember exactly, but for some reason, I recall seeing a study once that showed a connection between chronic loneliness and developing dementia, or something. I don't know if it was real, or even a study; I don't suppose anyone knows anything of it? I wonder if I'm legit losing my mind.

This isn't even the only dream I've had in recent times that's like this. It's becoming a normal thing. I relive a part of my life, or live something new that seems real, but surreal at the same time. Often, I can't tell if I'm asleep or awake, either while dreaming or even after waking. How much of a nightmare does life have to be to be indistinguishable from actual nightmares, I wonder. Because some of these dreams take a really dark turn, and I still can't tell the difference sometimes, until I've analyzed it later. It just feels like I'm drifting, or life is dragging me along, unaware that someone is being dragged behind across rocks, coals, and shit, and not quite dead yet. I think if souls are real, mine is on its deathbed. I'm really fuckin' horrible at putting things into words, but it feels like all the stuff I've read in Lovecraft is real. I just feel a dark foreboding all the time, of cosmic hatred I can't understand, and can't shake away. And it's all just normal to me now. This stuff would have paralyzed me fear, I'm sure, when I was much younger. Now, it's just normal. This is my cursed existence.

I just needed to get this off my chest, it's been a rough day, a rough week, and a rough year.

That "shimmer thing-mist" just might be a spiritual ally! You might want to try to communicate with it. It might be helpful.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

That "shimmer thing-mist" just might be a spiritual ally! You might want to try to communicate with it. It might be helpful.

It wasn't a thing, per se, it was more the quality of the ... air, I guess. All around. Like I had a fever or something.

 

[Emba]

It wasn't a thing, per se, it was more the quality of the ... air, I guess. All around. Like I had a fever or something.

In that case, it was probably "the prima materia" that you saw. Also known as Chi or Bions. It's sentient. It's pretty rare to notice it tbh. Especially in a dream.

You should try to breath it in and hold it. Get charged up. If you can touch it you can make stuff out of it.

Try to notice it when you are awake. I used to see it during the day. But I usually forget to interact with it.

 

[bigantennaemay1]

I've never noticed it while awake. And I can't really do much to change what I do in dreams, because I'm not lucid at all in dreams, despite having tried to luciddreammaxx many years ago.

 

[Deleted member 17724]

Yeah, remember some of that. It's funny how lack of physical touch in and of itself is unpleasant, to say the least, but then it comes with side "punishments" for lacking that touch, like the stuff you listed and then some. Almost like life likes to double down on its cruelty.

Maybe it's natural selection trying to kill of men who cannot procreate.

 

[Deleted member 18193]

It can, but only if you let it.
I always tell myself social interaction is just a meme. It's all about dopamine in the end. I never consider myself a lonely person even if I'm isolated. That's just unhealthy.