today morning I woke up from a dream, I dreamed that I was on a school bus on the way to middle school. I was sitting in a middle seat and strangely I was in my current age body.
there was a solid 10/10 blonde stacy w/ blue eyes and tanned skin sitting next to me. all of a sudden I feel her hand touching me, at first I looked at her and smiled and she smiled too. I turned my head to the backseat and found her brother smiling (it was her brother and they were pranking me) I acted like I didn't care. this was weird because we never had females in high/middle school (muslim country)
on the seat that is on my right there was one of my middle school bullies. my autism kicked in middle of dreaming and I asked him to see which guy has the bigger hand. I expected that my hand would be bigger because back then I was 15 yo
his hand was bigger, mine was smaller and he was bigger than me similar to how it was back then.
when the bus reached it's destination we all got out, some faggot was whispering about me and I turned my head to see him and his group laughing at me.
I woke up with this strange, dreadful feeling and conclusion that I don't know how to describe. I felt like even if I went back in time to when I was 15 yo nothing in my life would change. my conclusion was it was unironically already over when I was 15 because I had the exact same body and mind, I realized my personality didn't change one bit. the way I was acting in the dream is how I act as a 25 yo and still got an identical output to the one I got 10 years ago.
even physically, I remembered that my height back then was the same as my height now. it's like not only my physical growth stopped but my mental, character and personality change and growth halted completely at 15. the only difference between me now and me 10 years ago is time and place. this is scary suifuel and I'm scared to think of it.
there was a solid 10/10 blonde stacy w/ blue eyes and tanned skin sitting next to me. all of a sudden I feel her hand touching me, at first I looked at her and smiled and she smiled too. I turned my head to the backseat and found her brother smiling (it was her brother and they were pranking me) I acted like I didn't care. this was weird because we never had females in high/middle school (muslim country)
on the seat that is on my right there was one of my middle school bullies. my autism kicked in middle of dreaming and I asked him to see which guy has the bigger hand. I expected that my hand would be bigger because back then I was 15 yo
his hand was bigger, mine was smaller and he was bigger than me similar to how it was back then.
when the bus reached it's destination we all got out, some faggot was whispering about me and I turned my head to see him and his group laughing at me.
I woke up with this strange, dreadful feeling and conclusion that I don't know how to describe. I felt like even if I went back in time to when I was 15 yo nothing in my life would change. my conclusion was it was unironically already over when I was 15 because I had the exact same body and mind, I realized my personality didn't change one bit. the way I was acting in the dream is how I act as a 25 yo and still got an identical output to the one I got 10 years ago.
even physically, I remembered that my height back then was the same as my height now. it's like not only my physical growth stopped but my mental, character and personality change and growth halted completely at 15. the only difference between me now and me 10 years ago is time and place. this is scary suifuel and I'm scared to think of it.
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