Why don’t I feel more depressed?

[Clavicus Vile]

It’s either just angry, hungry, horny, or simply nothing, or it could be some of these feelings mixed together or all of them at once.

Have I just become numb in a way from the years of prolonged suffering every single day from being tormented by bullies and girls from 1st grade to me finishing high school? And then not having anyone to turn to for support about it, not even family.

I wonder if I’ve just become mentally stronger or something. Teachers would literally watch me get abused everyday and not do anything about it until I fought back and started hurting people.

I don’t feel anything anymore if I’m just enjoying my copes. Any form of sadness just feels very brief and passes quickly.

And while I do want to kill myself I just don’t feel very sad anymore, and I’m not even sure if I’ll ever have the courage to end myself unless I got a firearm or some drugs, or unless I was ready to force someone else to make a quick decision and have to end me.

Suicide feels more like a rational and logical decision when in a fucked up predicament with no other way of escaping or improving it. Simply a final decision to be made.

I think I’d only truly become sad if I somehow lost all my copes since they are my only source of comfort in the world.

 

[chudjak]

horny

Tsmt

I fought back

Based

Suicide feels more like a rational and logical decision

Maybe instead of suicide, your final day on earth you can do something else and still die. Hope you paradise