Seriously, I'm not kidding around here. The following are resources for places everywhere in the world. Also check out
/r/suicidewatch.
United States
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specilised support.
(The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.)
Online Chat:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/lifelinechat.aspx
Crisis Text Line: Text "START" to 741-741
Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA
EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe,
details here
Australia
13 11 14
https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat
Austria
142, Youth 147 Online:
http://www.onlineberatung-telefonseelsorge.at
Belgium
02 649 95 55
Brasil
141
Canada
Canada-wide adult hotlines list. Alternatively, 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources.
Nationwide Kids Help Line (Up to age 18): 1-800-668-6868
Deutschland
http://www.telefonseelsorge.de/
Tel: 0800-1110111 oder 0800-1110222
Chat:
https://chat.telefonseelsorge.org/index.php
Denmark
70 20 12 01
www.livslinien.dk
www.Skrivdet.dk
France
01 40 09 15 22
Greece
1018 or 801 801 99 99
Greece -
http://www.suicide-help.gr/
Iceland
1717
India
91-44-2464005 0
022-27546669
Iran
1480 6am to 9pm everyday
Ireland
ROI - local rate: 1850 60 90 90
ROI - minicom: 1850 60 90 91
Israel
1201
Italia
800 86 00 22
Malta
179
Japan
03-3264-4343
3 5286 9090
Korea
LifeLine 1588-9191
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1577-0199
http://www.lifeline.or.kr/
Mexico
Saptel 01-800-472-7835
Netherlands
0900 1130113
www.113online.nl
New Zealand
0800 543 354 Outside Auckland
09 5222 999 Inside Auckland
Norway
Kirkens SOS offers phone support and chat: 22 40 00 40 and
http://www.kirkens-sos.no/
Osterreich/Austria
116 123
Romania
116 123 (Potentially not valid,
more info here)
Serbia
0800 300 303 or 021 6623 393
Online chat:
http://www.centarsrce.org/index.php/kontakt[2]
South Africa
LifeLine 0861 322 322
Suicide Crisis Line 0800 567 567
Spain
http://www.telefonodelaesperanza.org/
Suomi/Finland
010 195 202 available 9am-7am weekdays and 3pm-7am weekends
112, the regular emergency line, may be used at other times
Sverige/Sweden
020 22 00 60
Switzerland
143
UK
Samaritans (
www.samaritans.org)
- Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90)
- Text: 07725909090
- Email: [email protected]
Helplines for Men from thecalmzone.net:
- Voice: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to midnight nationwide, also 0808 802 58 58 London and 0800 58 58 58 Merseyside)
- Text 07537 404717 (5pm to midnight, start your text with CALM2)
- Online Chat: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/
ChildLine (childline.org.uk), for those 19 and under:
Directory of suicide-related services:
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php
Uruguay
Landlines 0800 84 83 (7pm to 11 pm)
(FREE) 2400 84 83 (24/7)
Cell phone lines 095 738 483 *8483
*EDIT: Wow, thanks for the gold, kind stranger!