Growing up with a white worshipping ethnic mother really can mess you up.
I am half spic half white yet because of my mother I thought white people were better and other people were lesser.
I was really hardcore into white nationalist stuff, and can you imagine this was as like a 14 year old kid. I was messed up.
I even registered an account on stormfront and told them I was half white half latino but I support the white cause and I'm with them and of course they said I was a dirty spic and ran me out of the site.
When my uncle married his Korean wife my mom mocked him and how much she controls him. My uncle ended up joining the Korean church and gives them a percentage of his income (tithe) and flies regularly to Korea with his wife and the congregation, and his children are being taught English and Korean.
My mom hates Asians because of this and told me how much of a loser my uncle was and mocked his kids.
I joined my mom and I thought my uncle was a loser and he was married to some crazy Asian bitch who controls everything in his life and has weird Asian kids.
Yet growing up no one recognized me as white because I looked like a spic. Including the people from my father's ancestry, I grew up in a Greek neighborhood and the kids and even the teachers would always ask why I have the last name I do and that I'm not Greek.
Greek teachers I've had would ask me what I was and when I told them I was Greek they would always say "are you mixed with something else" and I would say yes I'm half latino and they would say something "so that explains it."
I remember it was last Thanksgiving. My mom moved to a rich white neighborhood and we were in the supermarket getting Thanksgiving food the night before.
I come from a very diverse city so it was the first time I've seen this many white people and something just snapped in my head and I told myself I'm not one of these people and I never will be. It was worse than that, I told myself these people are trash.
I then told my mom a few days later that I want to go to Tokyo like my uncle did (he had a Japanese girlfriend in college who I met a few times as a little kid and has been to Tokyo with his Korean wife) and to call him up when she wishes him a happy Thanksgiving and ask for travel advice which she did and he told her it's a good place to visit and that my mom should take me.
But my mom brought me to Paris and London instead in January last year. And it was while I was there I really started hating the west more than ever. It was just downhill from that point on. I told my mom I wanted to go to Japan and she told me she likes western culture and nothing interests her there. I then told my mom I will never travel with her ever again and I want to go home to prepare for my trip to Japan.
When I finally got home I began what I called my J-PopMaxxing. I grew out my hair, went from 200lb to 155lb and immersed myself in as much Japanese culture as I could.
That's when I started lurking here, and I finally joined in April after reading some inspiring threads.
Just today I was in class and this kid next to me thought I was a Chinese major and was surprised when I told him I wasn't (he got me confused for a Chinese kid). That's how I know my J-PopMaxxing has worked. I am no longer recognizable as white, Latino but everyone thinks I'm Asian.
I look at my student ID photo taken about two years ago and it looks like some ogre spic monster compared to what I've become.
At least I know my kids will look Asian and they won't have any identity issues growing up.
But one of the worst things a kid can have is a white worshipping mother that feeds them nonsense growing up that white people are better and more beautiful than everyone else, especially when you could never meet that image that your mom loves so much.
Now I want to throw up thinking about how I was.
I am half spic half white yet because of my mother I thought white people were better and other people were lesser.
I was really hardcore into white nationalist stuff, and can you imagine this was as like a 14 year old kid. I was messed up.
I even registered an account on stormfront and told them I was half white half latino but I support the white cause and I'm with them and of course they said I was a dirty spic and ran me out of the site.
When my uncle married his Korean wife my mom mocked him and how much she controls him. My uncle ended up joining the Korean church and gives them a percentage of his income (tithe) and flies regularly to Korea with his wife and the congregation, and his children are being taught English and Korean.
My mom hates Asians because of this and told me how much of a loser my uncle was and mocked his kids.
I joined my mom and I thought my uncle was a loser and he was married to some crazy Asian bitch who controls everything in his life and has weird Asian kids.
Yet growing up no one recognized me as white because I looked like a spic. Including the people from my father's ancestry, I grew up in a Greek neighborhood and the kids and even the teachers would always ask why I have the last name I do and that I'm not Greek.
Greek teachers I've had would ask me what I was and when I told them I was Greek they would always say "are you mixed with something else" and I would say yes I'm half latino and they would say something "so that explains it."
I remember it was last Thanksgiving. My mom moved to a rich white neighborhood and we were in the supermarket getting Thanksgiving food the night before.
I come from a very diverse city so it was the first time I've seen this many white people and something just snapped in my head and I told myself I'm not one of these people and I never will be. It was worse than that, I told myself these people are trash.
I then told my mom a few days later that I want to go to Tokyo like my uncle did (he had a Japanese girlfriend in college who I met a few times as a little kid and has been to Tokyo with his Korean wife) and to call him up when she wishes him a happy Thanksgiving and ask for travel advice which she did and he told her it's a good place to visit and that my mom should take me.
But my mom brought me to Paris and London instead in January last year. And it was while I was there I really started hating the west more than ever. It was just downhill from that point on. I told my mom I wanted to go to Japan and she told me she likes western culture and nothing interests her there. I then told my mom I will never travel with her ever again and I want to go home to prepare for my trip to Japan.
When I finally got home I began what I called my J-PopMaxxing. I grew out my hair, went from 200lb to 155lb and immersed myself in as much Japanese culture as I could.
That's when I started lurking here, and I finally joined in April after reading some inspiring threads.
Just today I was in class and this kid next to me thought I was a Chinese major and was surprised when I told him I wasn't (he got me confused for a Chinese kid). That's how I know my J-PopMaxxing has worked. I am no longer recognizable as white, Latino but everyone thinks I'm Asian.
I look at my student ID photo taken about two years ago and it looks like some ogre spic monster compared to what I've become.
At least I know my kids will look Asian and they won't have any identity issues growing up.
But one of the worst things a kid can have is a white worshipping mother that feeds them nonsense growing up that white people are better and more beautiful than everyone else, especially when you could never meet that image that your mom loves so much.
Now I want to throw up thinking about how I was.
