When I was 12 or so, three girls were chatting with the chadlite, they were at the table behind me and I could hear their entire conversation. The chadlite asked them who was the uglier in the class. I was delusional and genuinely thought I was in the top-3 best-looking boys, since my mum told me I was so beautiful.
The first one started to say "hmm maybe **** right there", who I thought was the ugliest boy I've ever seen in my life. The two others didn't really say a word, and pointed me with their finger, and said "him". I saw them because I was curious and had my head and my eyes pointed toward them so they couldn't see I was seeing them.
At first, I thought they were joking but they were being serious. Hit me very, very hard. I was not beautiful at all, I was actually the ugliest guy in the class.
It was the reason why girls wouldn't even reply to me or keep the conversation going when I was going to them and trying to be nice and shit so we could be friends.
To be real, I think it was the "bad day", the one who made me a depressed piece of shit, everything from that day made me realize I would have a lot more efforts to make to have friends, to get girls to like me. Two years later, I became an introvert, had no friend, and nobody wanted to be my friend.
I didn't have access to the internet, so I'd pass my time playing board games alone (
) - spent hundreds of ours playing monopoly when bored - collecting stamps (my dad would purchase me 40lbs of worthless stamps on envelopes so I could spend time coping with it and finding some nice stamps by removing them from their envelopes) and lastly, do birdwatching and keeping a book in which I was counting every species of birds I'd see in some spots.
This was my life, and then, when all the cope was vanishing, I "forced" my dad to buy me a computer and man, that was a way stronger cope.
I don't see how I could have evolved differently. I was rejected because I was ugly. I tried very hard, I was mistreated because I was ugly. My parents never helped me with that, my mother always lied to me and said I was beautiful.
And the fact that I never had a computer during junior high amplified the fact that I look like a loser because I didn't have the same topics of conversation (msn, facebook, and everything like that) as the others.
Over since junior high tbh.
