I have completely lost hope in life, my old hobbies and coping mechanisms don't even work anymore but I still live, this primitive desire inside me will never stop as long as I live, I will never have a girlfriend who loves me, no matter how much I hate it I have accepted that and now at least I am aware of it. I would not have understood that people are simple natural algorithms that live only with their impulses, if I had not lived the life I am living now, after taking the blackpill, I realized that most things are not under my control anyway and this relieved me a little, as I get older, I will continue to learn and get used to this disgusting life.
