JFL Vetting guide from redpill roasties

[Lv99_BixNood]

View: https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1j644e1/a_vetting_guide/

Compatibility

You should share similar core values. Things to look at carefully would include:

• Religion
• Politics
• Culture
• Relationship Timing
• Family Planning
• Financial styles and goals
• Location
• Important Lifestyle Values (ie veganism, extreme fitness priority, pets, etc.)
• Attraction and Sexuality

General Red Flags

• Rushed timeline
• Slowwwww timeline. Things like he’s hiding his relationship from friends or family. Years without the desire to get married.
• Addictions (drugs, alcohol, porn, video games are most common)
• Criminal Record
• Violence
• Emotionally volatile
• Cheating / Following Insta models / Keeping in close contact with exes
• Lying
• Bad manners / poor social awareness / low empathy
• Poor relationship with family (Yellow flag. You don’t choose your family but this bears some investigation as to why)
• Overattachement to mother / over involvement in family drama
• Mental Illnesses & Unrecovered traumas (investigate the severity and if he is receiving treatment)
• Lack of ambition and direction
• Can’t hold down a job or constantly changing direction
• Irresponsible debt
• Responsible debt (yellow flag – does he have a plan to pay it off?)
• Poor health due to lifestyle / poor hygiene / dirty surroundings
• Pressuring you to sleep with him, esp early in the relationship
• String of short relationships / situationships / lots of one night stands

Edit to add— he starts demanding you make changes immediately after getting into a relationship. Things like how you dress, who your friends are, etc.

Indicators of a Protective Man

***Protective not only physically but emotionally as well!

• He treats you with respect and dignity.
• He treats others well. Particularly note how he treats those with a lower social, physical, or financial status.
• He is able to defend you against unkind comments from family and friends.
• He has the ability to diffuse tense situations rather than escalate them.
• He has emotional control, particularly when stressed.
• He is able to stand strong in his convictions and defend himself.
• He stays physically fit. Bonus points for any self defense skills.

Indicators of a Provider

• He has a stable income/career path
• If he is young, he has a path and is working towards it
• He does not carry irresponsible debt
• He offers to pay on the first date.
• He does not scorecard money. He is happy to cover you at times.
• He gives generously when he is able.
• He is emotionally supportive of your desires. He does not consider your wants to be frivolous or unnecessary.
• He has an at least a rudimentary understanding of saving and investing. If he is able to, he is implementing this.
• If you desire to be able to stay home, you should be looking for a man who has the desire to be the sole provider.

Evaluating Leadership

• He has a strong value system that he follows. These values should be similar to your own.
• He has a clear mission and goals for his life.
• You can see him actively working on and achieving goals.
• He has active hobbies aside from gaming and tv.
• He has an active social life and is respected by his peers. (note – he can be introverted or extraverted)
• He shows discipline in his diet and exercise routines. He doesn’t necessarily need a six-pack but he isn’t a slob.
• He shows discipline of emotion even when under stress.
• He has control of his finances.
• He keeps his surroundings tidy.
• He manages his time and calendar well.
• He can stand up for himself and others.
• He does not allow others, even you, to disrespect him. ***This is referring to upholding boundaries. If he becomes abusive, emotionally or physically at disrespect, this is unhealthy masculinity.
• He takes accountability for his mistakes and shortcomings.
• He leads through personal action, recognition and development of the strengths of others, and providing proper resources and support. He does not use coercion, passive aggression, or emotional manipulation to get the results he wants.

Evaluating Potential

If you are dating young men your age or are in a culture where people marry young, your suitors will have a ways to go before reaching their prime. Here are some indicators that a young man has a bright future.

***This is for young men. The 40 year old you are seeing is not going to magically become successful now that you are in his life.

• He is getting an education (trades/apprenticeships included) and has a career path

OR

• He has a business he is building
• He shows hard work and dedication in his current job
• He has goals and ambitions
• You can currently see him working towards and achieving some of his smaller goals
• Netflix and video games are not his exclusive hobbies
• He is willing to take calculated risks
• He has basic social skills and works well with others
• He is direct and confident
• He fails well. When he faces failure he picks himself up and continues to work towards his goals

Divorced Men, Single Fathers, and Older Men

One reality that many women face as they age is that the pool of available men becomes smaller. You may have to be willing to keep an open mind as to who might be a good potential match.

***You will notice that in all the areas that you may want to consider being more open to, I never suggest being willing to compromise on the quality of man or the way you are treated. That is not open to negotiation.

Divorced Men

Green Flags

• He speaks respectfully about his exes.
• He takes responsibility for his part in the breakdown of his previous relationships
• Has taken time to heal from his last relationship
• He has worked to eliminate the flaws that led to his divorce
• He has a positive outlook and a clear direction for moving forward with his life
• He knows what type of person he is looking for to make marriage number two successful
• He treats you respectfully

Red Flags to Beware of:

• Multiple failed marriages
• Has a string of short term relationships before you
• He speaks disrespectfully of his exes or women in general
• His maturity and/or life path seems stunted and/or directionless
• He blames his ex for the divorce
• He is a little too close to his ex
• He tries to rush the relationship

Single Fathers

Green Flags

• All of the Green Flags listed above for divorced men
• He is actively engaged in his children’s lives
• He is up to date on all child support payments and is generous in paying for anything the children need.
• He is very cautious about introducing you to his children
• He has a good co-parenting relationship with the mother of his children
• He is able to balance his relationships. He puts his children first but still takes the initiative to take care of your needs.
• As you start forming a relationship with the children there are clear boundaries (his and your own) as to your role and responsibility.
• Regardless of your role as a disciplinarian, he expects his children to respect you.

Red Flags

• All of the Red Flags listed for divorced men
• He has little to no involvement in his children’s lives
• He is behind on child support payments or complains about how much he has to give to his ex
• He tries to rush you into a relationship with his children
• He has introduced lots of women to the children before you
• He blows off his children for his exciting new romance with you
• He treats you as a second class citizen below his children and ex
• He constantly asks you to babysit or parent – especially if you have agreed that this is not your role
• He lets his children treat you poorly and excuses their bad behavior

Older Men

Green Flags for Older Men:

• See the above green flags for divorced men and single fathers
• He takes reasonable care of his health and well-being
• He is well established in his career and financially stable
• He is confident in what he is looking for in a partner. While he doesn’t rush things, he is ready to commit if he knows you are the one.
• He is concerned for your financial future and your personal growth. He takes care of you financially as well as supporting your pursuits
• If he asks for a prenup it is generous to you and you will not be left penniless. (a prenup may not be unreasonable if he is well established and has children)
• If you are talking about marriage, he leads the finance conversation and shows concern for your financial well-being. He lets you know what steps he is going to take to make sure that you are taken care of

Red Flags for Older Men:

• See the red flags for divorced men and single fathers
• He tries to rush or pressure you into the relationship
• He is very overweight and is already in poor health/on a lot of medications
• He is obsessed with protecting his wealth from you, refers to women as “gold diggers”
• He is not financially stable
• He seems to be more concerned about his pleasure than your security
• He is more interested in making you fit a mold than helping you grow as a person
• The terms of a prenup are grossly unfair and he is not open to hearing your concerns or willing to compromise

Widowers

• He has had time to mourn and is emotionally ready for a new relationship
• Any children have also had time to properly grieve and have received any therapy they may need
• He appreciates you for who you are and your relationship for what it is. You are not compared to his first marriage.
• You feel comfortable with the amount of presence there is of his deceased spouse (ie – pictures around the house, how and how often she is discussed, how much in touch he keeps with her family, special days he takes to remember her, her possessions around his house, etc.)

Military Men

I see a lot of women interested in military men. Let's go over some extra considerations.

Red Flags

• Involved in drinking or partying
• Has debt
• Was involved in a Green Card marriage (apparently this is a thing with military men!)
• Has received a demotion
• Blue Falcon Activities (Someone who displays disloyal or dishonest behavior, often in relation to military activities)
• Treats you like a military subordinate
• Has very rigid expectations / trouble separating military life from civilian life
• Beware of PTSD. (what is the severity, is it being treated?)
• Treats your relationship like an afterthought, places it way below his military friends

Green Flags

• He has a plan for his life after the military
• He is in good standing in the military
• He is responsible with his money
• He is able to communicate and verbalize his wants and needs
• Building a family is an important long term goal to him, he values your role in his life.
• He is able to separate the military from civilian life.
• He treats you with respect and dignity. You are a priority to him.
• He accepts treatment for any PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc

Things for you to consider:

• Are you willing to move to be with him? It is very likely that you could be moved far away from all your existing support systems.
• There can be a lot of politicking, even among wives. Are you prepared for that?
• There is the chance that he will be gone on long deployments. How will you handle the separation? Will you be able to cope with being a single parent while he is away? How will you handle things sexually? Make sure to agree to what boundaries you will have in place while he is away.
• Will you be able to handle the anxiety you may feel for his life while he is away?
• Do you have backup plans in the event that he is killed or disabled?

Red Pilled Men

Occasionally we see women who find out that the man she is interested in or is dating is Red Pill. Here are some special considerations to take into account.

• Be explicitly clear on your end goals and timelines.
• Don’t assume your relationship status. Does he consider you his girlfriend or a “plate?”
• Clearly define the expectations for monogamy (or non monogamy).
• Look for signs of anger towards women.
• Is there reciprocity of effort and how much you value each other?
• Does he exhibit healthy masculinity or does he merely try to simulate that to attract women? This would be things like wealth flashing, being overly controlling to simulate dominance and leadership, etc.
• Not all Red Pill content is created equal. Pay attention to what kind of red pill content he is consuming.
  • Is it focused on shaming women? Overemphasis on material things to peacock to women? MGTOW or Incel leaning? – Red Flag
  • Is it focused on self-improvement? Mission building? Healthy relationship models and balanced viewpoints? – Green Flag

Jfl, their requirements are longer than those of feminist foids

 

[Yabadadabadoo]

Do foids need to be told what man is good? I thought they had a pERsonality detector

 

[cripplecel]

That’s ALOT of words for gigachad

 

[Autistic Kanga]

Just go WGTOW at that point

 

[Grodd]

She wouldn't give a fuck about any of that if the guy was 6'4 Chad